Twists And Turns
by Shinsun
Summary: "Sing to me of the man, Muse, the man of twists and turns." This is the mirror-fic for NIAMY. Goku has been through many strange situations, but even he couldn't foresee or prevent this. And while he himself has changed almost beyond recognition due to an event he may or may not regret involving Vegeta; he has another transformation to undergo before too long.
1. Chapter 1

_(("Sing to me of the man, Muse, the man of twists and turns." _

_That was the inspiration for the title of this story. It's the first line in the Greek epic "The Odyssey" by Homer, and I just thought it fit pretty well with the way Goku is in NIAMY. You can read this without reading NIAMY, in any case, it can stand pretty well on its own. I've never written a mirror-fic before, and this will surely be an adventure; the story of Not In A Million Years, entirely from Goku's perspective._

_Even though it's the same story and I've written side-stories for it before, I will try my best to make it different and new to the reader. Enjoy!_

_-Shinsun))_

X

Twists And Turns

Chapter 1

He was breathing in my ear. My eyes slipped closed and I exhaled shakily as I thrust into him, the hot pressure of him cloaking my aching desire in wonderful heat that made every inch of my skin break out in sweat.

"Vegeta," I whispered, my voice obstructed by the rough panting issuing from my mouth with each driving movement of my hips grinding against his. A low moan shuddered from his throat and he arched against me, drawing me even deeper within him. Shreds of color were flashing before my eyes as a pressure built in my lower region, even as I pounded into the warm, muscled body beneath me. His lips ghosted over my shoulder and neck, and I threw my head back and...

.

.

...and came so hard I woke myself up. I covered my mouth with a fist to mute the groan of release clawing at my throat, grasping my pulsating cock with my other hand to stem the flow of hot seed. My heart was beating so hard and fast that I could feel it in the base of my skull.

Once I recovered, I slowly looked over my shoulder, holding my breath as my gaze landed on my wife beside me. Her eyes were closed, her face relaxed in sleep; completely oblivious to her husband who still trembled and sweated with the aftershock of extreme climax.

I sighed with something that fell between relief and shame. That was the third time this week... or maybe the fourth, I might have lost count. I sat up slowly and ran my fingers through my sweat-dampened hair in frustration. _Damn you, Vegeta..._

The alarm clock beside me winked in the darkness. It was two in the morning. Deciding that any further attempt at sleep would be futile, I stealthily slid out of bed so as not to wake ChiChi and left the room in a gait that was almost predatory in its stalking silence.

.

.

Cold water cascaded down my back and shoulders. I contained a shiver as I stood there in the shower, washing away the sticky evidence and the memories of the vivid dream; cursing Vegeta under my breath. I hadn't seen him in over a week, and our last encounter had been rather... thoughtless. I remembered how he'd come to me in a haze, how he'd smelled like a drug, irresistible; how he'd demanded... begged...

I scowled and let the spray of cold water drench me again. Not cold enough. I wished I could just forget the whole thing, but it was burned into my mind. I felt like the prince was taunting me, knowing how he'd affected me and manipulated me had probably been a huge boost to his already overinflated ego, even if he hadn't been dominant at the time.

Even the fact that I was so angry about it seemed unnatural, considering my reputation as a peacemaker and a generally happy person. In the past, I may have regretted doing what I had once I came back to myself, but it would be the knowledge that I'd cheated on my wife that caused the regret. That fact barely crossed my mind now, and the worst part was... I'd begun questioning whether I _did_ even regret it. Regardless, I was angry. And that wasn't normal for me.

And yet, for some odd reason I could never quite explain, the anger came so easily, and I admit I willingly submersed myself in it. It was almost comforting, but it sure did a number on my niche in the group of friends and family that surrounded me.

A sigh hissed between my lips and I opened my eyes, the lashes dripping with cold liquid that spattered down my cheeks from the streaming showerhead. I remembered when Krillin had come to visit a few days ago, and that I had been startled by the fact that I looked at him and thought him inferior quite suddenly. Like I was some deity or lord and he was beneath my notice. A very foreign idea to me. I'd always considered my friends my equals, even if they couldn't measure up to my level of strength in the slightest. I'd never thought of looking down on them.

But that didn't erase the fact that I had.

And then there was my family. My blood relations. Those who were closer to me than any of my acquired friends. I can't say that the same feeling of superiority crossed me when I looked at them – to my relief – but... neither can I say that nothing had changed between us – mostly because of a change in _me -_ since the incident with Vegeta.

"_Incident"_. I almost laughed at the word. I was afraid to admit what had happened that day, even mentally. I had the means to describe it upside-down and backwards, thanks to Roshi's vast knowledge of perverse endeavors rubbing off on me early-on in my youth... but that didn't mean I had the courage to say that I had had sex with Vegeta.

X

"Is that all you've got, Kakarot?" Vegeta taunted, dodging my attack and darting in to deliver his own. I hadn't seen him since the day I'd gotten closer to him than I ever thought I would, and yet he'd jumped into a sparring session with his usual savage enthusiasm, as if nothing had changed.

But something had changed. I had changed.

I was eager for the spar as well, glad to vent off my frustration on the person who deserved it from me the most. After all, it was his fault I had become so different, wasn't it? ...Or was it my own?

I faltered slightly and took the ki blast he aimed at me head-on, my loose gi shirt smoldering and receding as the flames ate a hole in it.

I noticed Vegeta's eyes on me. Probably patiently waiting for me to retaliate. I couldn't hold in a smirk, anticipating the fight with Saiyan exuberance. I met the prince's gaze and read the uncertainty there, though I was unsure of the cause.

"Something wrong, Vegeta?" I said coolly.

His teeth clenched in a snarl and he attacked again. I dropped into a battle stance as well and dodged to the side, flinching slightly as he came up from behind and locked my arms behind my back. I almost growled at him warningly, detesting the feeling of being vulnerable. This was an unusual response for me, usually I'd just bear with him and go through the spar in complete tandem with his movements. I didn't tend to resist much.

I was aware suddenly that Vegeta hadn't moved away or made a move to attack, he was watching me, drawing closer ever so slowly, a look on his face that I'd seen before, just once.

"Vegeta," I said shortly. The prince blinked, but didn't move away. I didn't like the glint in his eye, nor the way he'd positioned my wrists in his grip; as if holding me captive.

"Vegeta, let go," I commanded, slipping my wrists out of his hands and turning to face him. He was watching me still, his eyes teal in Super Saiyan, as mine were, as we always were when we sparred.

I studied his gaze, anger spiking in me again as I read the desire there. _No! He has no right to desire me! After what he's done to me... He turned me into an animal, and I won't let him turn me into something worse. _

Tension made my movements rough as I shoved him away from me, afraid if he got too close I would not be able to stop him... or rather, to stop _myself._

"No, Vegeta." I crossed my arms over my chest, refusing to fall prey to him again. Once was more than enough to teach me.

"Kakarot," he prompted, looking nervously hopeful.

_Dammit, now he just thinks he can demand it any time he wants. I wasn't even... I didn't even... I wasn't _myself_ then... and I'm definitely not myself now._

"No." I said bluntly.

"But... that time -" he protested, and I could see the conflict scrawled on his face. As if he didn't understand how I could not want him after that one time.

Oh, but I wanted him. I wanted to let go of myself again and give into the savagery that crawled beneath my skin. But I wouldn't. I would not let myself become a monster any more than I already was. And I would not give Vegeta that kind of power over me.

"We both swore not to speak of it again," Not in so many words, but there had been a silent consensus that we would keep the incident secret, "It was a one-time thing. Just forget it."

Forget it. I wished I could take my own advice.

I was a little surprised that Vegeta was even asking what he was asking. I would think, with his princely nature and _pride_, he would refuse to admit it had even happened in the first place and would have sneered at me if I brought it up.

But now _he_ was bringing it up. I usually didn't refuse to do something unless it hurt or endangered someone or something. And I hadn't hurt anything when I'd taken Vegeta before... except maybe my sanity.

Thoroughly wrong-footed, I looked at Vegeta and decided I could not stay in his presence anymore. I needed to think.

"Just go, Vegeta. I can't do this right now." My voice sounded flat and tense, the only indication of my internal conflict.

And Vegeta complied without a word, leaving without a parting glance and streaking away. I wondered why he'd done as I said, and so hurriedly. As if I made him nervous.

But that would be stupid. Vegeta wasn't nervous around anyone. Least of all his "third-class rival".

I sighed quietly, wishing I could just take the entire thing back. Things were so much easier before.

TBC


	2. Chapter 2

_((Finally getting around to updating this bad-boy. Sorry it's taking forever, I'm a little stuck for inspiration right now and I've been sleeping half my life away and working the other half. _

_Anyhow, the only time I get inspiration appears to be either right in the middle of class, or right in the middle of the night. And... this chapter may be short, but the beginning chapters of NIAMY were also short, so..._

_Thanks for putting up with my crap and my slow updates,_

_-Shinsun))_

Twists And Turns

Chapter 2

I suppose I was lucky I got a moment alone that night. It gave me time to think. Dwelling on things wasn't a normal pastime for me; usually if I thought about something for too long it made my head hurt. Don't get me wrong, I had definitely given myself a headache by the time I'd simplified this conundrum into some kind of pattern, but it was more because the subject of my pondering was so complicated and frustrating than anything else.

"Goku," the voice of my wife jerked me from my reverie, and I blinked, surprised to find her standing a few feet away, watching me expectantly. I hadn't sensed her approach, and I knew her ki as well as I knew my own.

Somehow the fact that she was staring at me made me nervous. I didn't usually care what others thought, especially if they were members of my family, but I felt that ever-present guilt niggling at my mind as my wife scrutinized me, as if she could read my thoughts just by meeting my eye.

"What are you doing up so late?" she asked, a small smile crossing her face.

I leaned an elbow against the arm of the chair I sat in, "'Can't sleep," I sighed, voicing the sentence – if it could be called that – as a fragment. A habit of mine, one I actually had to maintain consciously now. Watching my speech and actions to appear my normal self was proving difficult, and I'd never noticed how freely I used to speak to my friends until I actually had secrets to keep.

"Well..." ChiChi said slowly, the small smile widening to a grin, "The boys are asleep... and it's been a while since we had some time alone..."

I fought the urge to roll my eyes. Of all the times she could have been in the mood, she had to pick the one time I absolutely was _not_.

"No thanks," I muttered, crossing one leg over the other as if to indicate my denial.

ChiChi blinked, confused. It occurred to me that I hadn't ever refused her advances – few though they were – before.

"Are you okay?" she asked, propping one hand on her hip.

I could tell from her tone and body language that the question wasn't heartfelt, it didn't matter what I might say in response, she was just giving voice to her displeasure and perplexity through a commonly-spoken question. It was just words.

"I'm not in the mood," I said flatly, knowing it was nearly impossible to say no to someone as stubborn as ChiChi. But I was going to try.

As I expected, she walked up to me, trying to get me to change my mind; swaying her hips slowly and undoing the top three buttons of her shirt, revealing an excellent view of her cleavage.

I let my gaze flit over her for a moment; thoughtfully, almost bored. It took a second to hit me that I actually _was_ bored. Where this showing of skin would have at least triggered some sort of interest from me before, I was utterly indifferent. _Does this mean I'm not even vaguely attracted to my own wife anymore?_

Of course, she was no Saiyan, but as far as human females went, ChiChi was slim and pretty, with echoes of remembered muscle from her days as a fighting princess. Anyone else would feel privileged to be with her...

But, I reminded myself, she had been the only woman I had ever shared my bed with. While I had a pretty good idea what passed for an attractive female, thanks to Roshi, ChiChi was the only experience I had... I had nothing to compare her with.

Until now.

And my body's refusal to respond to my wife's display made it clear what my preference was.

I almost jumped as ChiChi's soft lips covered my own; I'd gotten lost in thought and hadn't been paying attention to her efforts. I didn't push her away – to my credit – but nor did I really participate. Eventually ChiChi stopped and just looked at me.

"What is going on with you? You're never like this." she said bluntly.

"I told you," I retorted, "I'm not in the mood."

ChiChi's sharp gaze roved over me almost accusingly, "Clearly," she said shortly.

With that she turned and walked away irritably, flopping on the bed across the room.

I assumed she wouldn't appreciate my company there; and I sighed, looked at the ceiling, and returned to my thoughts.

X

Bulma called me the next day, and I was glad for the chance to talk to someone who wasn't either the ex-rival that I didn't want but my body did; or the wife who wanted me but my body didn't.

"Hey, you know, it's been a long time since I've seen you," Bulma said, I could hear the smile in her voice, "Want to drop by this afternoon for lunch or something?"

It had indeed been a while since I'd seen my old friend, and I guessed the conversation would be a relief from the conflict weighing on me.

"Sure," I agreed.

"I'll see to it that Vegeta's not too much of an ass," the woman added.

My breath caught; I'd forgotten that Vegeta would be at Capsule Corp too.

"Uh... yeah," I muttered, "I think he's mad at me anyway."

"Why?" Bulma asked curiously.

"We were sparring yesterday and I sent him away because..." I broke off, disgusted by how close I'd gotten to actually saying what had happened, "...He was being strange." I finished carefully.

"Well... I'll tell him you're sorry for that and we'll see if he'll loosen up, alright?"

I forced my mind not to dwell on the dual subject of Vegeta and things loosening, knowing it would only add to my discomfort.

"Okay," I said, "Uh, see you then, Bulma."

"See you," Bulma chirped.

I hung up before I could make a bigger fool of myself.

X

The sun was high in the sky and I crossed Capsule Corp's neatly manicured lawn, running through a mental list of remotely sensible things I could say if I ran into Vegeta.

...And just my luck, I quite literally ran into him. Or rather, he ran into me.

As if he wasn't looking where he was going, as if he'd stumbled – but the prince never stumbled...- he crashed into my chest, nearly knocking himself over backwards as he struggled for balance.

"What are you doing?" I asked flatly, carefully keeping any surprise or confusion out of my voice.

He shot me a look that was somewhere between mutinous and... surprisingly panicked.

"...Tripping?" he said blankly.

I couldn't help but laugh at the response, though my heart wasn't really in it. I was far too nervous in his presence to let my guard down.

A few seconds of silence passed, wherein I tried to read his expression and he tried to avoid my gaze.

I cleared my throat awkwardly, waiting for him to insult me for standing in his way and daring to question him.

He seemed about to speak, but just swallowed hard, as if he had something in his throat.

"Why are you here? What do you want, Kaka… ?" he trailed off, averting his gaze quickly.

Figuring it was better to be honest than not, I responded tactfully.

"I came to see Bulma, she wanted to talk to me,"

I noticed Vegeta's expression then. It was as if he'd run headlong into a wall and was just now registering the aftershock. His eyes were wide and his face was pale, his mouth slightly ajar as if he'd lost his powers of speech.

My eyebrows furrowed in confusion, "Vegeta? What's the matter? You look like you've seen a ghost,"

The prince blinked rapidly, snapping back to attention.

"I-I'm fine, Kakarot," he stammered, "The door is unlocked; go on inside and see the woman."

I scrutinized my ex-rival for a moment, forcing myself not to study the planes of his face, the sharpness of his profile, the dusting of an awkward flush across his cheeks; I forced myself to simply read his expression, but he kept it carefully impenetrable. As usual.

Eventually I just shrugged and walked away, glad to be putting distance between the prince and me.

TBC

_((Obviously these first few chapters are going to be the easiest. There's not a lot of dialogue and for the most part these two Saiyans are separate from each other, so I can create new writing and don't have to rephrase and re-evaluate my other content. Once it gets into the actual plot – especially when it overlaps with the side-stories I already wrote – it's going to get challenging finding new ways to write things and new introspective views on things we all already know._

_Anyway, this chapter was short, yes, but it was a breeze to write, and it's Monday tomorrow so I needed a chapter like that tonight._

_Thanks, as always, for reading and reviewing. I really appreciate those nice reviews._

_-Shinsun))_


	3. Chapter 3

Twists And Turns

Chapter 3

I managed to calm my nerves by talking with Bulma. Whatever had changed, whatever I was becoming and whether or not I was scared to death by that, she was still my friend. It was easy to talk to her, I didn't have to keep watching what I said as much – though I obviously omitted any discussion leading toward Vegeta – mostly she just talked about the things that had been going on in her life, and some scientific stuff that I'll admit was kind of lost on me.

But, inevitably, the untouched subject I'd deliberately skirted around had to come into play eventually.

"So have you noticed Vegeta's been acting all weird lately?" she asked.

I blinked; so it wasn't just me.

"Yeah..." I said tactfully. A lame, one-word answer, but at least it was a response I'd managed not to stutter like an idiot on.

"I mean, the guy's not exactly normal to begin with, but lately he's just been freaking me out." she went on.

I muttered what could pass for a reply, averting my gaze. At that moment I heard the door close and felt the ki of the very object of the conversation linger in the hallway for a second before drifting up the stairs and out of range.

I slowly released the breath I hadn't realized I was holding, turning my eyes back to Bulma and forcing any thoughts or questions regarding the prince from my mind.

"So I was just wondering if -" the woman began.

She was cut off, jumping with a short scream at what sounded like a gunshot going off upstairs. For a moment I tensed, feeling for the energy-signal of the prince, wondering haphazardly for a moment if he'd shot himself or been attacked. But then I reminded myself bullets couldn't do him harm, and the ki I was looking for resurfaced, strong as ever, albeit chaotic with emotions I didn't want to decipher just yet.

Bulma rushed upstairs without a word, somewhere between furious and frantic. I decided that was my cue to leave before things got awkward, and with a final glance at the retreating woman, I placed two fingers to my forehead and teleported home... though I would get no respite there. I couldn't hide from myself.

X

The minute I rematerialized, I was faced with the startled – as most people usually were when I appeared in front of them, I'd gotten used to it – and then irate face of my wife. She stormed up to me brandishing a soapy frying pan with a glare that could crack diamonds. As a matter of habit, I flinched, trying to shield myself from the impending tirade and threatening swinging of the cookware item clenched in her white-knuckled fist.

"ABOUT TIME!" she shrieked, a strand of black hair coming free of her tight bun and hanging in her face in front of her wild eyes. Honestly she was frightening to behold.

"ChiChi, I didn't-" I began, attempting to placate her before it got ugly, but she was having none of it.

"Do you have any idea how much _work_ needs to be done around here?!" she shouted, swinging the sudsy frying pan once, which I ducked easily.

"ChiChi -" I began again, to no avail. The pitch of her shouting was grating on my eardrums, it was higher and louder than most _humans_ could stand, let alone the acute senses of a Saiyan.

"...Between you and the boys the house is always a _wreck!_ I just mopped the floor and then of course _Goten_ had to track mud through the entire _kitchen!"_

"ChiChi-!" I tried again, louder, and again my attempt to quiet her shrieking was useless.

"...And then I tried to find the ingredients I need for dinner tonight and guess what? _Someone_ had _eaten_ them all! I swear, Goku, you are as bad as the kids!"

"ChiChi can you please -?" I attempted, throwing a last-ditch attempt.

"Actually, you know what? You're worse! Because you should _know better! _Can't you just -!_"_

I didn't think, "SHUT THE FUCK UP!"

Complete, floored silence.

I could barely believe those words – _that_ word in particular – had left my mouth. ChiChi's eyes widened so quickly and so drastically that I began to wonder which would fall out first. She stared, incredulous and not a little outraged, at me; all the color draining from her face even as mine scorched with flush.

"_What_ did you just say to me?" she asked at last, her voice sounded strained.

I didn't answer, not trusting myself to say anything that wouldn't get me in more trouble.

I could almost feel the shock and rage radiating from my wife, and I kept my gaze on the floor. Not because I was scared or even ashamed, but because I was afraid if I looked at her I would say something worse.

"Goku-you-look-at-me-and-tell-me-what-you-just-sai d." she said sharply, all in one breath, each word clipped. She sounded like she was reprimanding one of the boys for breaking an expensive piece of china or something.

_What am I, a child?_ I thought mutinously.

In hindsight, I probably should have cooperated with her, it would save me the trouble of digging my grave any deeper.

I met her searing gaze audaciously, "I think you heard me." I said quietly.

She just looked at me for a few seconds, as if unable to believe what she was seeing.

"...Who _are_ you?" she said harshly.

In the back of my mind, I could feel the ki-signal of Vegeta approaching. _Can't he just leave me alone?! _Every time I managed to banish him from my mind, he had to show up and make it impossible.

Impatience and conflicted thoughts made me brash and I turned my back on my wife, throwing a retort over my shoulder.

"You know what, ChiChi? I really don't know anymore."

X

"Kakarot!" I heard Vegeta shout as he dropped out of the sky, "Kakarot, I need to talk to you!"

_I definitely don't need to talk to _you_._ I thought bitterly. Of all the things that could happen today, why did he have to seek me out now?

I reluctantly swung the door open and stepped outside, smothering out the nagging confusion that accompanied the thought of the prince being near my house. I could still hear ChiChi's ranting in my ears, and all I really wanted was to be alone. The last thing I needed was to humiliate myself in front of His Royal Highness again.

"What?" I snapped, knowing how stubborn he was and that he wouldn't leave until he had his way. My short rope of patience grew a little shorter and I added sharply, "Do you _ever_ show up to anyone's house when you're actually invited?"

There was that look again. The look as if he'd been slapped in the face suddenly. His mouth opened and closed soundlessly a few times, and I grew more irritated as his presence continued to burn up my carefully balanced tolerance.

"I just... I... well..." He stammered, obviously flustered._ What is up with him these days? Bulma's right... he's freaking me out too._

"Spit it out, I haven't got all day," I said bluntly. I was really in no hurry to go back to my wife and face her slightly furious, slightly hurt glares; but given the choice between the ranting and standing here trying not to either strangle or pounce on Vegeta, I would take the ranting any day.

"N-nothing, forget it," Vegeta said at last.

I rolled my eyes exasperatedly. Awkward excuses for conversation and evading direct responses...

"That was a huge waste of my time," I muttered as he streaked away, and I was pretty sure he heard me.

_Good. _I thought._ Maybe he'll learn his actions are affecting other people too. The world doesn't revolve around him._

I stood there for a moment, and only snapped out of my anger-laced thoughts when Goten rocketed past, Trunks trailing behind. I remembered my youngest mentioning that Trunks was staying at his grandparents' house this weekend. Halfheartedly, I wondered why he wasn't packing.

The lavender-haired demi-Saiyan's gaze drifted and landed on me for a moment, he flinched slightly, and I realized my face must have reflected the black mood I felt.

Somehow that thought made me feel worse.

X

As I walked back inside, my brooding thoughts by no means cleared, I passed the mirror in the hallway and stopped mid-step. I examined my reflection slowly; I felt like I had changed fundamentally inside – like an apple rotten to the core – surely my outside must show it?

At first I dismissed the notion. Of course I still looked like myself, thoughts and reality-checks didn't change my appearance, did they? But then something simple jumped out at me.

I'd stopped wearing my gi. The orange fighting uniform I'd donned since I'd learned what it meant. It had been a chief trait of my image. Too often I'd been referred to by strangers as "the guy in the orange." And now... what, faded denim jeans and an indigo T-shirt?

_When did that happen?_

Upon further inspection I noted something else. My posture had changed. Not a lot, I still stood tall and strong like I'd been taught by every martial arts master I'd ever learned from; but... it was hard to describe but I carried myself differently. It wasn't a defensive pose, it was almost animal, in the way of lithe, stalking form... Not a huge variance, it was something you'd only notice if you saw it in yourself.

….Suddenly I felt uncomfortable in my own skin.

My scrutinizing gaze lifted to look at the reflection of my face. It was still mine, of course, but there was one major change that leapt out at me instantly. _What happened to my eyes?_

My eyebrows, usually carried in a loose, easily friendly expression, had dropped to shadow my scarily intense eyes, almost drawing together in a perpetual glare.

ChiChi was right... _Who _am _I?_

Gods, I looked like... I looked like...

A gasp hissed between my teeth as the realization reached me.

I looked like Vegeta.

TBC

_((Progress is still slow... But this story is still really fun to write. I love a complicated, conflicted Goku. And you don't get much more conflicted than how he is in NIAMY. That mirror scene kind of popped into my head just now, and actually, when he says he looks like Vegeta, he means he looks Saiyan, but he doesn't realize that. Vegeta's the only Saiyan he really got to look at up close._

_Another really short chapter, thanks for reading and reviewing, as always._

_-Shinsun))_


	4. Chapter 4

_((Now, if you'll remember, this was the chapter in NIAMY that started the real plot. There was absolutely no contact between Vegeta and Goku in that entire chapter. So in this chapter, it's all Goku. No contact with Vegeta at all (well, no _real _contact with him anyway). Therefore, it's all new material (though I'll include a scene from the prologue/fifth side story, just 'cause.) The next chapter should be where it gets interesting._

_Thanks for reading and reviewing, as always, my lovely readers._

_-Shinsun))_

Twists And Turns

Chapter 4

I stared at the stranger in the mirror, the stranger wearing my face; for a long moment. I tried to make my expression relax, to fade that intensity from my eyes or maybe even smile, but I found it strangely impossible at the moment. All I managed to do was change my glare to a look of semi-betrayed shock.

And I still looked like Vegeta.

Upon closer inspection, I was further proven right in that observation. My overall profile was of course my own, but the endless dark fierceness that had always pooled from my ex-rival's eyes now emanated from mine. Where once I had worn a simple, almost childish visage, now the shadows of doubt, anger, and conflict traced my face.

_No wonder he's so drawn to me now._ I thought,_ Returning to what's familiar... Never thought I'd be familiar to him as anything but an object to be persecuted and bedeviled. _

Even the fact that such words as "persecuted" and "bedeviled" were now in my vocabulary proved that I was slowly becoming someone else. ...And I couldn't do anything to stop it.

.

.

Slightly shell-shocked, I stumbled back into the kitchen, relieved to find my wife had left it empty. I didn't want to face her repercussions for my earlier behavior, and certainly not the questions she was sure to throw at me.

I sighed, unsure what to do. I should probably have sought to fix things between ChiChi and me, since I'd made her angry and probably upset... but for the time being, I didn't know where I would even start. I couldn't even comfort myself, much less someone else, and I was far too tense.

Distractedly, I filled a glass of water from the faucet, but the cold water did nothing for me except make my teeth ache before chilling my throat as I swallowed it. I straightened, trying to think of something I could say to ChiChi, and the glass in my hand shattered in my grip as I hit my head on the cabinet above me, hard. My vision flashed red as a growl, foreign to my ears, shivered from my throat; and my hand shot up of its own volition and tore the cupboard door from its hinges, just wanting to deal some kind of damage to the culprit of the throbbing lump on my forehead. The crackling shriek of abused metalwork mixed with the string of curses spewing from my mouth as i dismembered the cabinet this way.

I snapped back to awareness suddenly and froze, the rectangular wooden door hanging from my hand. My gaze staggered over the vicinity around me, taking in the sawdust pluming in the air from the injured cabinet, the shards of glass scattered at my feet.

_What... what did...? Oh, gods..._

If I caused this kind of destruction from a small amount of irritation on inanimate objects... what would I do if that creeping anger flared up around _people?_

I fled the scene before someone came to investigate the source of the racket, forgetting that I still held the disembodied cabinet door in my hand.

X

I lay in my bed that night, thoughts swirling in my head preventing sleep. My hand was throbbing dully from being cut by the shattering glass, matching the throbbing of the bruise on my head.

_Why did I get so angry over something so small? _I wondered. I hadn't even given a second's thought, I just... acted on impulse. That wasn't unusual for me, I rarely did think twice before doing something... but this time I didn't even think _once._ I shuddered to think what would have happened if it had been ChiChi who had gotten me mad, or, Kami forbid, one of my sons. What would I have done without thinking then? Wrung their neck? Tore their arm off?

_I'm dangerous..._ I always knew that fact, but now I was painfully aware of it, because I no longer had any barrier of control between that danger and the world. I had enough raw power in my veins to obliterate the planet a dozen times over at least... but I had always been one hundred percent sure I would never do something like that. Now? I wasn't so sure...

I needed to find some way to get this uncharacteristic anger under control. There was only one person I knew who would be able to tell me how, and I had no desire to speak with that particular person. Vegeta. This was all his fault anyway. If it wasn't for him, I wouldn't have even known what a Saiyan was, let alone walked in the shoes of one, had a brief flash of the destructive instinct that fueled what was left of my nearly extinct race. He had shaken awake the Saiyan in me, and I think I was beginning to hate him for it.

I'd never hated anything before. Strong dislike, maybe. But hate was just too strong of a negative emotion to apply to anyone I knew. Now I was seriously considering it.

.

.

ChiChi joined me later that night, and I could tell by the way she crawled into bed that she was seeking forgiveness for earlier today.

She lay down next to me and slowly met my eyes, her own contrite in the dark.

"I'm sorry I shouted at you," she murmured, and she actually looked it.

I reminded myself why I loved her; why I'd agreed to marry her. Despite everything that happened today, everything that happened in the three weeks since I'd committed a thoughtless sin with the Prince of All Saiyans... that didn't change. My wife might infuriate me, but she was still my wife. One constant in the world that was rearranging itself around me.

"I'm sorry too," I said seriously.

She smiled and kissed me gently. It was a sweet gesture, so I relaxed myself for her as much as I could.

After a moment her kiss became more demanding, and I knew she wanted to compensate for the night where I'd refused her. Make-up sex was something ChiChi was exceptionally prone to, and to my dismay I found that my body was still in no mood to give her what she wanted... maybe it would never be again.

I knew, though, that I could not refuse a second time. ChiChi would not so easily forgive that, and would demand to know why I was being the way I was. I couldn't answer that.

Still, as she straddled my waist, I couldn't convince myself to respond the way she wanted. Her kissing did nothing for me; more bothersome, in fact, than arousing as she intended. Her caresses were likewise lost on my aloof skin, the eventual nipping and sucking shirked off by my unwilling body.

I wanted to claw at my skin, to voice my frustration, to _command_ my body to respond to my wife, to erase the memories of that time with Vegeta and make myself once again ignorant of the comparison between them.

_Vegeta..._

Immediately, with the simple thought of the name, my flesh began to take interest in the sexual touch my wife was administering to my skin. Her hands were soft... like his... like the glove-less palms of the prince... I could feel a stirring in the southern region of my body, and ChiChi seemed pleased, murmuring something naughty against my neck as her slender fingers skittered over my chest.

_Of all the punishments in the world, Kami, why this?_ I thought resignedly.

The irony, that the only thing that would cause me to respond to my wife's efforts was the memory of something that should never have happened; was so purely fitting that it was, in fact, not ironic at all.

ChiChi's hand traveled lower, and I threw away my morbid thoughts in favor of somehow making her happy. But at what cost? Pleasing her while thinking solely of someone else was against my wishes, against any sort of acceptance from her, and against our marriage vows. But then, I'd already torn those vows to pieces by dying twice, and then knowingly and deliberately cheating on my wife.

_Might as well, since I'm probably going to Hell either way._ Of course, I'd been to Hell, more than once, but that was besides the point.

As ChiChi's hand landed on the awakening of desire between my legs, I summoned as vivid an image of the Saiyan prince as anyone would hope to find. Clearer than a photograph, more enthralling than a memory, because I could recall scent, touch and even _taste_ as well as sight.

Strangely, the bitter sting of dawning hate just made the image of the prince in my mind's eye even more stimulating to the bulge stressing at my pants. I felt the pressure of a hand squeezing my growing arousal, but with my eyes closed to the world, I could imagine it was the hand of my rival, my prince, and a soft moan left my lips. I trained my thoughts to zero in on the memory of the prince's lithe apparition in my mind; sculpted form, coiled steel of muscle and fluid bronze of sweat-kissed skin. Dark fire of sweeping satin hair and burning ebon eyes. The scent and taste of fire, smoke, and rich, forbidden desire that I could recreate so perfectly that it made my mouth water.

In the back of my mind my conscience cringed, briefly reminding me that it was my very real wife caressing my now fully-erect member, not the vivid fantasy I was training my thoughts on.

I could hear ChiChi murmuring dirty little things as she lowered the waist of my jeans, but I tuned out her lilting, feminine voice and registered the words in a panting, rough, masculine one. A shiver snaked down my body, half guilt, half boundless _want._ I obligingly lifted my hips as my jeans were removed from my legs, my breathing becoming rough as I pictured Vegeta's wanton, smirking face looming over me, drawing blood with scraping nails and nipping teeth.

I felt lips close on the head of my arousal, and with the image still fresh in my mind, I arched and groaned; the remembered scent titillating the region of my brain that processed smell, even if it never actually reached my nostrils then.

ChiChi's light, human attempt at a sensual purr as she took my erection into her mouth was tuned out by the memory of a carnal, real Saiyan purr, the remembrance of how Vegeta's had vibrated into my own chest and sinuses, echoed by my timbre of the sound only we could properly make.

ChiChi faltered slightly as a deep rumble started in my chest, probably confused as I'd never purred around her before. Only Vegeta had taught me that I _could_ even purr. I'd thought it was something only cats did, but he'd shown me a new kind of pleasure that had snapped the instinct into awareness and brought forth the sound.

"Wha -?" she began, her hand tentative as she lightly touched my sternum, as if searching for the source of the purr.

"Don't – stop -" I panted, keeping the image of the nude prince in the forefront of my mind lest my arousal start to flag under the reality of my wife's presence.

It was sickening really; or it would be, if I gave myself the moment of conscience to actually think about it.

Still I could sense – through what was left of my senses – that ChiChi was hesitant as she shed her clothing. I tossed my own shirt over my head, chancing a glimpse of my wife just to see if there was any reaction from my body to see hers completely exposed and ready.

Nothing. Zilch. Zero reaction.

With a frustrated, albeit explosive sigh that might have sounded lustful to ChiChi's ears, I let myself collapse back on the pillows again, bringing the vision of the forbidden prince back into my mind, and drowning myself in it.

And... in a word... the night was a battle. Not the kind of battle my Saiyan blood would relish in, nor the sexual battle of sensations ChiChi wanted it to be.

It was a battle of how to keep my erection fed long enough to give her the satisfaction she wanted. How to intensify the images and memories to a degree enough to bring me to sufficient climax. How to have make-up sex with my wife entirely with my eyes closed, trying not to listen to the nattering guilt that reminded me that my mind was lying to itself, and that my body was lying to my wife.

I was becoming a rather good liar, and I seriously doubted anything good could come of that.

TBC


	5. Chapter 5

Twists And Turns

Chapter 5

I woke up the next morning, my wife nestled against me, and I breathed a sigh that no one would hear. I couldn't keep doing this. I would either have to find some way to eradicate my desire for Vegeta – which I seriously doubted I could do – or... I'd have to never make love with my wife again. Did it even count as making love if there were absolutely no thoughts of love in my head when we did it?

I seriously doubted ChiChi would appreciate that. What would she do? Demand an explanation? ...File a divorce? Just because my body couldn't stand to be near hers intimately anymore without thinking of someone else?

She stirred against my neck, blinking away sleep and brushing her hair out of her eyes with one hand.

"Morning honey," she murmured, dropping a light kiss on my shoulder. Somewhere in the depths of my mind something scowled, but I quieted the thought.

"That was really -" she began, as she started to get up, she broke off with a wince and I blinked, confused.

My eyes traced over her skin slowly. Along her ribcage and hips there were faint bruises... shaped like fingers... As if someone had... as if _I_ had...

_Gods, what did I do to her?_

Thinking only of my fellow Saiyan who could take what I could give, I'd lost the tight rein of control I usually kept whenever I touched my human wife. She was lucky she got off so easily for it, I could have... I could have... I couldn't finish the thought.

"Sorry," I said shakily, sitting up hesitantly. I really felt there was nothing I could say. Nothing that would make her understand how much I regretted what I'd done. Not just last night, but three weeks ago when I agreed to share my bed with Vegeta.

"It's okay," she lied, and I knew it was a lie.

Just because I was no longer attracted to her didn't mean I didn't care for her. And I fought back a new surge of guilt as I watched her get stiffly to her feet and walk away.

X

Vegeta returned later that day. I was tempted to just tell him to leave, not wanting to listen to him, and not wanting to stay in his presence after what had happened last night.

He asked if I wanted to spar and I sighed, at least _he_ seemed to be back to normal... sort of...

...Alright, there was something off about him, but I couldn't put my finger on it just yet.

My power leapt to Super Saiyan and I followed him into the air, streaking away from my home until we reached a barren stretch of land that had served as a battlefield more than once.

I dropped into a battle stance in midair, the prince mirroring my pose. At a silent signal, I lunged at him, lashing out with one leg in a slashing kick, which he evaded. He made no move to retaliate, so I threw attack after attack at him, all of which he dodged. _Why isn't he fighting back? He's not even blocking!_

I swung a right cross at his face, which he side-stepped almost distractedly; a roundhouse kick that would have taken his head off his shoulders if he hadn't avoided it, still not meeting my eye.

I stopped, frustrated and perplexed. In all my spars and battles with the prince, I'd never had every single one of my attacks... so utterly ignored.

Vegeta paused as well and glanced up at me with uncertain teal eyes.

"You're not fighting back," I said flatly. Wasn't it he who had asked for a spar? Why bother if he didn't want to fight? … and His Royal Highness _always_ wanted to fight, "Why? Are you still mad about before?"

I remembered when I'd sent him away last time we sparred. Maybe he was angry with me for that, I wouldn't be surprised... I had been rather rude, but I wasn't really myself at the time.

_I'm still not myself, let's be honest... and I might never be again._

Vegeta swallowed, as if he were nervous. _Seriously, what is the matter with him lately?_

"I-I'm not mad," he said slowly, "It's just... I..." he broke off and looked at the ground a few dozen feet below us.

I blinked, if I didn't know better, I'd say the prince was actually _afraid_ of saying something to me. One thing was certain, something had shaken him up really badly.

"It's not easy to…. to say this… but…." he began, glancing at me and cutting himself off again.

_Gods, what exactly has gotten so deep under his skin? I've seen him flustered before, but never like this!_

Vegeta seemed about to speak several times, but each time he came up empty, silent.

"Take your time," I said slowly. I could be patient if it meant Vegeta explaining why he was so twisted up about something.

He opened his mouth without sound, meeting my gaze carefully. I took the moment to read the anxiety, indecision, and even _fear_ and _guilt_ there.

"R-remember that time? When you and I… when we…." he stammered.

Obviously he meant the time when he begged to be fucked and I gave him what he wanted. I fought back a growl at the memory.

I nodded shortly, "I remember."

_Honestly, how could I forget?_

"Well..." Vegeta began, "Th-the thing is..." he faltered visibly, "Every choice we make has a consequence, Kakarot..."

_Clearly_. I thought. I had been completely aware of that fact when I took Vegeta three weeks ago, but I had had no idea how severe those consequences would be. I had lost the unconditional acceptance of many of my friends, the stability of my relationship with my wife, the certainty I used to possess of who I was...

But what would Vegeta know of consequence? He didn't stop to think about anything, didn't care if someone got hurt in the tradeoff or if anything he decided to do affected anyone at all.

"Where are you... going with this?" I asked carefully. Was this why the prince had sought me out? To make me even more guilty for something that was his fault? Did he think he could shove the blame on me?

...Should he? Maybe it was my fault... maybe Vegeta hadn't been to blame... maybe it was all me.

Sometimes it was just easier to put the fault on someone else, though. That way you didn't have as far to fall.

Vegeta sighed quietly, closing his eyes and seeming to summon his courage to say what he had to say next.

"Kakarot..." he began, the three syllables wavering slightly, "...I'm pregnant."

And just like that, the world dropped out beneath my feet.

_No... no it can't be...it's_... _it's.._. A single word dropped into my mind, one I had used maybe once in my entire life, ..._Impossible._

It took me a long moment to realize I hadn't drawn a single breath since the prince had stopped speaking. Since my world had done a complete one-eighty and turned upside down.

_He's lying,_ I wasn't sure where the thought came from, but I latched onto it. _He must be. It wouldn't be the first time, after all._

And with that thought, a laugh that didn't sound like mine came from my throat. It sounded almost pained, but Vegeta's eyes snapped open and stared at me. I refused to look at him... refused to consider the possibility – the _im_possibility – that he was telling the truth.

"You think this is some kind of joke?" I growled, delving into the weak explanation that the prince must be lying and searching for some semblance of comfort there. "I didn't _want _to do it with you that time, I didn't _want _to cheat on ChiChi, and now you just _have _to rub it in and make me look like an idiot! Again!"

_He doesn't need to make me look like an idiot,_ my mind taunted me, _I'm doing just fine with that on my own._

"K-Kakarot, I'm _serious,_" Vegeta choked, looking at me with something I'd never seen in his eyes before; betrayal. "I wouldn't lie about this."

I felt anger, the monster thrumming in the back of my mind, the same blind rage that had caused me to lose myself yesterday... The edges of my vision were turning red, and without a thought, I submerged myself in it.

My hand shot out and grabbed the front of the prince's shirt, I hadn't commanded it to do so, but I didn't fight the primal ire rushing through my veins, smothering my screaming doubts and fears.

Nose to nose with the Saiyan prince, my voice dropped to a growl. I didn't know where the words were coming from, but I did not try to stop them.

"Do you think I'm completely clueless?" I snarled between clenched teeth, "Do you think this is funny? That I'll fall for another one of your tricks? Not this time, Vegeta. I've gotten the worse end of your gimmicks one too many times."

I could see the terror in his wide blue eyes as he tried to pull away from me, but the monster of anger constricting my mind allowed for no other emotion, no empathy, no sympathy.

"You really are pathetic, Vegeta. I can't believe you'd stoop so low, I thought you were better than this."

I released his shirt collar, and his hand touched his throat absently as he fought for breath, as if he couldn't get enough air.

_You could have strangled him to death... _A tiny voice in my mind whispered beneath the whirl of contempt taking over my consciousness.

"B-but I..." Vegeta began as I glared at him.

"No, Vegeta." I snapped, cutting off whatever he'd been trying to say, "You won't make a fool of me this time. I'm smarter now."

_Actually I think I'm more stupid than I've ever been in my life,_ I thought mutinously, _But he doesn't have to know that._

I forced the blind anger to ebb for a moment to listen to the thought. _What if he really is...?_ No. I simply couldn't swallow it. Couldn't accept it. Would not believe it.

And I couldn't stand to look at Vegeta's face, the disbelief and imploring in his gaze... I couldn't stay here anymore.

"Don't follow me," I said bluntly, turning away from the prince and blasting away, refusing to look back.

I barely got twenty yards in before he shot after me, catching up in an instant with his Saiyan speed.

"Kakarot, wait!" he shouted.

I whipped around, the monster drenching me again, my vision burning scarlet as I bore down on him.

_Dammit... stop... this is... too much..._ my mind fought against the barrier of blind rage, unable to bring it down.

"I told you not to follow me," my voice said savagely.

Vegeta visibly hesitated, uncertainty crawling over his face as he nearly shrank back.

"I... I thought we were different now," he said softly, "I thought we weren't rivals anymore... I th-thought you were my friend..."

_He destroyed me..._

"You thought wrong." I wasn't sure if the words were mine or simply a manifestation of the suffocating rage possessing my mind, "Friends don't lie to each other, Vegeta. Friends don't make fun of each other or manipulate each other. You don't know what friendship is, do you?"

"I..." Vegeta stammered, desperation coloring the single word; the single letter, in fact.

_He corrupted me..._

"Kakarot, I swear to the gods, I'm telling the truth. I swear on my honor, on the pride of a Saiyan Prince!"

_He turned me into an animal..._

My head shook from side to side slowly.

"It's amazing how far you'd go for your _fucking_ pride."

Twice now. Twice I'd said that word out loud in my entire life. And twice I'd utterly floored the person I directed it at.

"Please," Vegeta implored, shock tinting his aqua eyes, "Please believe me."

_He turned me into a monster..._

"I'm preg -" he began.

_No more._

"Don't you dare." I interrupted harshly, and this time it wasn't the monster of rage talking, "No more, Vegeta. No more lies."

"This isn't like you, Kakarot," Vegeta pleaded, I don't think I'd ever heard him plead like that before, "Please, listen to me -"

His hand reached out, and the anger stabbed through me so quickly and painfully that I almost winced.

I whacked the oncoming hand away angrily,

"Fuck off," my voice said sharply.

Vegeta stared at me.

He looked like he was about to speak again, and I snarled. _Enough of this._ I made to chase him away from me, just wanting to see him gone, and he shot me one last terrified glance before streaking away, leaving me to battle the pulsing rage still heavy in my veins on my own.

TBC

_((Hard stuff to write, it was difficult to make this seem justified, but I'll try to make it a little clearer. The "monster" as Goku calls it is interchangeable with the words "anger" and "rage", and it's not something he can command. For example, when he said "my voice said" he means it wasn't really him talking, the words were coming from his mouth, but they weren't his. That happened a lot in this chapter, and in the story in general._

_I don't think "the monster" will have an actual terminology, but it's something in dominant male Saiyans that just takes over when their emotions can't handle themselves. He doesn't have another alpha to take it out on; or any other outlet besides Vegeta, and thus, the seemingly senseless shouting. It really sounded like Goku had lost his mind in NIAMY, but as you can see here, he wasn't actually thinking at all. And notice, right away, he knew the truth, he just couldn't bring himself to accept it. _

_Also, one quick thing. Both this chapter and chapter five in NIAMY end with the words "on my own." Just thought I'd point that out, 'cause in the next few chapters, these two really do feel like they're all on their own._

_Long author's note... short chapter... but anyway..._

_Thanks, as always, for reading and reviewing,_

_-Shinsun))_


	6. Chapter 6

Twists And Turns

Chapter 6

I'm not sure how long I just stood there, suspended in midair twenty or so feet above the barren former-battlefield below. My vision wouldn't focus, it kept blurring red and shifting, no matter how often I shook my head to clear it or rubbed my eyes frustratedly. The monster was a greedy bastard, and it wouldn't let me go, especially not with the real, raw anger still thrumming in my blood.

And even then, that anger was just a cover-up of an emotion, to stopper up the ones I didn't want to feel. The ones I wouldn't – _couldn't_ - make myself feel. The longer I thought about it, the more anger seemed like a form of cowardice. But a comforting cowardice, somehow.

Still, the fact that I had such little control over it, that _it_ commanded _me_ instead of the other way around; the way it had forced my hand and my words... it scared me.

_If I'm scaring myself, the gods alone know what I'm doing to everyone else._

I growled as my futile attempts to banish the echoes of the monster from my veins turned out to be just that; futile. If I couldn't make it leave...

_Let it burn itself out, I suppose._

I couldn't say how long that would take, or what the idea entailed... but the monster was a stranger to me, and while I had shaken its hand and invited it in... I didn't trust it and wanted it gone. At least for now.

I was hesitant this time, to submerse myself in the itching rage humming and whispering behind my eyelids. What if I lost myself in it? What if it never stopped? What if...?

My sight sank into the blurred ruby viewpoint of the monster, and I felt it take over, willingly gave myself to it for the moment. It guided me, gathered a ball of smoldering ki in my hand and fired it blindly at the ground below, charging another blast as the smoke unfurled from the craggy stone that had just been obliterated. As the burning energy released itself from me, my power jumped higher, and with the mindless destruction; I let myself slip deeper into my head, let the monster take the wheel.

.

.

After what felt like a moment and an hour at once, I felt the last of the anger drain away, my vision flickering back to normal as a last bolt of yellow ki spitted from my hand and collided with the ground... or what was left of it.

A long black expanse of wanton destruction spread before me, much like a deep, dark scar carved into the ground. The earth was buckled and blackened, huge cracks webbing outward from the source of the desolation... me.

I sighed quietly, swiping a stream of sweat from my forehead. I was no more enlightened than I had been before laying waste to an entire coastline, but at least the monster had curled up and gone back to sleep.

And then I was left to my thoughts, with no barrier to separate my mind from the conflict squeezing it from the outside.

I couldn't bring myself to look too in-depth into those thoughts though, not now, and I was physically and emotionally exhausted.

I didn't have to think about it, it turned out, because just seconds later I sensed a familiar ki-signal approaching me. Gohan, and he wasn't alone. Just behind my son trailed Krillin, and both looked urgent and worried.

Gohan halted a few feet away from me, the backlash of his ki buffeting Krillin as he stopped as well.

I drew a deep breath, summoning my most convincing smile before turning to greet them.

"Hey guys, what's up?" I forced out a cheerful greeting, though it may have sounded like a growl, I wasn't sure.

Krillin visibly flinched and took a step back in the air, but Gohan's expression did not change, just a slight raise of an eyebrow indicating he wasn't fooled.

"I sensed your ki rise, Dad," he said simply, "I assumed there was trouble."

"Really? Why would you-?" I began, again forcing nonchalance.

"Well generally you would only use your third form to battle some kind of enemy." Gohan interrupted swiftly, expression unfazed.

I blinked, only noticing right then that my power still remained dangerously high, the heavy mane of Super Saiyan three almost reaching my knees. I lowered my power quickly, but there was no sense pretending nothing had happened.

Krillin looked at me for a long time, an uncertain tint in his eyes, but said nothing.

"Are you okay, Dad?" Gohan asked after a moment, "You look stressed."

_If only you knew,_ I thought bluntly.

"I'm fine." I muttered, a blatant lie.

"You just need to rest," Gohan went on, "Why don't you -?"

"I said I'm fine!" I snapped, aware that I had just bared my teeth threateningly at my son. While he might not understand Saiyan body language, being only half-Saiyan raised among humans; _I _knew what I had done.

I registered that Krillin had given a frightened squeak at the snarl grafted on my face.

"Goku... uh... maybe Gohan's right..." he stammered, "You're being... you're..."

"What?" I muttered, swallowing the rest of the retort.

"...You're scaring me..." my friend said extremely quietly.

I caught Gohan watching me, but his gaze was very different from Krillin's nervous glances. It was sympathetic, almost understanding.

"Krillin... why don't you head home?" the demi said eventually, "There's clearly no danger here and I think..."

"Are you crazy?" Krillin hissed under his breath, apparently forgetting I could hear him clearly with my enhanced senses, "What if he -?"

"Shut up, I can handle him," Gohan responded shortly, "He's my Dad, what could happen?"

The weighted look Krillin gave him was answer enough.

The human sighed and shook his head, "Alright, just be careful."

As he turned to leave, Gohan caught his wrist.

"Don't forget exactly who it is we're talking about." he said in an undertone.

Krillin's gaze slid over me once more and he just blinked once before leaving.

"He's different when he's afraid," Gohan said quietly once he was gone, turning to face me slowly, "Just like you're different when you're angry. What happened, Dad? I've seen you mad, but never like _that._"

I let out my breath slowly between my teeth. I couldn't relay everything, but I knew Gohan wouldn't accept a simple answer. I doubted I could give him one either way.

"I just... Things changed..." I said eventually, knowing how vague it sounded.

"What things?" he asked, "You've been acting different. Way different. Mom's noticed, and so have I."

I tried not to let the panic show on my face. ChiChi was all suspicious about my behavior too? How much had she guessed? How much had Gohan guessed?

"I'm not sure exactly," I half-lied, "I woke up and realized I was becoming someone else... and I guess I didn't try that hard to stop it."

"Why?"

I let my eyes close as I thought about it, "I... I had to change," I said slowly, leaving the rest of the statement unsaid. _...or else I'd fall apart._

I had to let the monster in, or I wouldn't have the small amount of control I possessed over it right now. It would have come calling either way. It was my choice whether I fought it or went with it, and I knew enough to know which battles I couldn't win.

When I looked at my son again, saw him studying my face, I was startled to see a look bordering on sadness enter his gaze.

"All the light's gone from your eyes," he said quietly, "Or else it's there but it's... harsher. Blunter. You look..." he trailed off.

_...Angry. Like Vegeta. I know._ I thought, averting my face from his.

"...Older." Gohan finished, surprising me slightly.

I blinked. I felt older, I'd give him that. Like I'd lived a hundred years since I was last confident in who I was. Three weeks or a lifetime, it was the same amount of time in my mind.

"I'm losing myself..." I said softly, almost unaware the words had left my mouth.

Gohan shook his head, "No," he said simply, "You're finding yourself."

I stared at him, utterly bemused.

"What do you mean?" I felt more lost now than I ever had, how could I find myself if I didn't know who that was supposed to be?

A small smile came to Gohan's lips, "While you might be more confused and angry than you've ever been before, run in circles with your own thoughts; think about it. You say you had to change... does the change feel natural?"

I remembered how easy it was to let the monster swallow me, how quickly thoughts sprang to mind where once I rarely pondered anything.

I inclined my head in a short nod, still slightly perplexed.

Gohan's grin persisted, perhaps brightening at my response, "You might scare Krillin with how intense your eyes have gotten, but without that old innocence obscuring them, they're so clear..."

My son the scholar. Spoken almost like a poet. I felt a grim smile tug at my mouth.

Still, for all his knowledge, I still felt as lost as ever. I didn't know what to do, who to listen to, who to trust. I hadn't even ruled myself out as trustworthy.

"What would you have me do?" I asked carefully. It seemed Gohan had wisdom to share, maybe he could give some advice. _Gods know I could use some._

To my surprise, he laughed, giving me a devilish smirk; amusement lighting his eyes.

"Well it looks like an adventure to me." he said lightly, "I'd say let this 'change' run its course."

"But what do I do once it does?" I asked, unsure what he meant. Let the monster take control? Give in completely? Or did he mean to let go of the monster and become something else entirely?

He shrugged, "That's up to you... Sometimes the journey's half the fun, though."

_That is if the journey lets you live to see the destination..._ I thought bluntly.

TBC


	7. Chapter 7

Twists And Turns

Chapter 7

With all this thought of change and consequence, I'd almost forgotten about Vegeta... Almost. In the back of my mind, I knew I should have dwelt more on what he said to me... and how I'd reacted. No matter how I wondered if I should have listened to him, though, I couldn't bring myself to seek him out or even allow him to occupy my thoughts for too long; afraid if I let myself think about it too much I would be forced to admit the truth to myself. I wasn't stupid – at least not anymore – and I knew how unusual it was for Vegeta to act so... distraught. I knew deep down he wasn't lying. But I couldn't make myself accept that; it was so much easier to turn the blame on him, to make him out to be the one at fault. Even if I couldn't erase the niggling inconvenient truth, I could blind myself to it. I didn't know how long I could keep up that selective ignorance, but I had enough to deal with without adding in that particularly complicated matter as well.

X

I slept fitfully that night. At least I _could_ sleep, but I would have rather stayed up all night than faced the dreams taunting my exhausted mind.

In the dream, the face I saw in the mirror came to life, another version of me, a darker, crueler, more _Saiyan_ entity that shared every aspect of my appearance but nothing else... at least, I hoped not.

He was fighting with me, both of us trying to take possession of a single soul between us; my soul, and the deadly tug-of-war was rending the precious object to pieces, shredding away strips of the only thing keeping me sane.

I struggled to keep hold on the remaining pieces of my soul, battling the mirror image of myself, when quite suddenly the whole dream flipped, and I _was_ the stranger in the mirror, looking across at a kinder, gentler, _weaker_ version of me. But there was something else. Being in this other version of my mind, I had no control; some other force was driving the vessel I found myself in, and as I watched helplessly from within, the entire vision fell apart, an ocean of scarlet and black swallowing the original version of me, the tattered remains of the soul that now belonged to neither of us, and everything else in sight.

I jolted awake, freezing sweat clinging to my skin, shivering with a combination of cold and dread. The dream stayed imprinted in my mind for long moments, weighing on my eyelids like a physical presence trying to tempt me back into sleep. I fought to keep my eyes open and not slip back into the nightmare, but it was mere minutes before I was swamped by another.

At first I saw nothing, just an endless black landscape that seemed vaguely familiar as all dreamscapes do. I looked around perplexedly, trepidation setting in, and I turned as I heard my name.

"Kakarot!" Vegeta was standing maybe ten or fifteen feet away; I could not see his face, but I could feel terror radiating from him.

I moved toward him slowly, confused, and stopped abruptly as I noticed something. He was standing ankle-deep in what appeared to be a solid brick of glass. I wondered for a moment why he didn't just break it, but then I realized that his boots – no, the feet themselves – were _made_ of glass. Before my eyes, the glass crawled up his legs, encasing them and transforming them as well. I couldn't move, only stare as the prince turned to a glass statue right in front of me. I got one look at his panicked eyes before they changed too, and the look of terror stayed engraved on his face, as clear as the transparent material that now made up his being.

Out of nowhere, another person rushed in front of me, and a moment's scrutiny determined the person to be Gohan. He flew right at the glass form of Vegeta, and without thinking, I reacted; twisting my son's neck before he could shatter the prince and throwing him, lifeless and limp, to the ground. I whipped around as another person darted forward, ChiChi, and my hand automatically shot out and hit her over the head with all my strength, hard enough to be fatal to the fragile human. I stopped then and looked at the two people – both members of my family – that I'd killed. I stepped back, horrified by what I'd done, and accidentally bumped into something solid behind me. I turned in time to see the glass statue that was Vegeta fall to the ground and splinter into a thousand pieces.

.

.

I woke with a start, a shout on my lips; and I clapped a hand over my mouth, hoping I hadn't actually made a sound. Mortification crawled over my skin as I felt my wife's dagger-like eyes studying me intently, assuring me that I had.

"...What happened?" she asked after a moment.

I sat up and covered my eyes with a hand, "N-nothing." I stammered.

"For the gods' sakes, Goku, you were thrashing all night and you woke up screaming, do you expect me to believe you when you say _nothing_ happened?"

"Just... just a nightmare." I said shakily, not daring to look at her; afraid I'd see the broken corpse I'd thrown to the ground in the dream, or that she'd see the echoes of the vision reflected in my eyes.

She sniffed disbelievingly, "The only time you've ever had nightmares was when you were dying of a heart virus, don't tell me you're going to die on me _again._"

She sounded more exasperated than concerned. I sighed and lay back down, "No." I said shortly; just one syllable.

She shook her head slowly, "What am I going to do with you?"

"Sorry." I said automatically. _What am I apologizing for? _I thought, _I can't control what I dream about._

"I'd be amazed if you didn't wake the boys," ChiChi muttered tonelessly, "They probably thought someone was trying to axe-murder their father."

"Oh come on, ChiChi," I sighed as I felt sleep drawing me back into its arms, "You know axes can't do me any harm..."

Needless to say... it was a long night.

X

I thought about the two dreams the next day, drowning out much of Goten's cheerful chatter over breakfast in favor of figuring them out. The first one was easy. I was afraid of losing myself, losing my soul in this battle between the two halves of my being. It was a proverbial battle, but in the dream it had been made real, and the more Saiyan side of me – the persona I'd mentally dubbed "Kakarot" - had completely taken over. But behind that half of me there was the monster, calling the shots, and in the end, everything about me had been destroyed.

The second one gave me more pause. It was probably the more disturbing out of the two, and the longer I tried to find some kind of symbolism to make sense of it, the more lost I became. Why was it Vegeta that had been turned to a statue of glass? Why Gohan and ChiChi who had come between the prince and me? Why did they both die at my hand? I thought hard about it from every angle, but in the end I came up empty.

It took me a long moment to realize my eldest son was talking to me.

"Dad... Dad?... Dad!" he snapped his fingers to get my attention.

"What?" I asked, maybe a little sharply.

He blinked, probably at my tone, "You haven't eaten any breakfast... are you feeling okay?"

I glanced at what remained of the food on the table, and found that it didn't appeal to me quite suddenly.

"I'm not hungry." I muttered.

At those three words, all hell broke loose. Gohan's glass of juice shattered in his hand, Goten dropped his fork under the table with a clatter, and three servings of scrambled eggs went flying from the pan at the stove as said pan was jerked haphazardly by a startled hand; and three pairs of wide, shocked eyes stared disbelievingly at me.

I felt a burn of uncomfortable flush cross my face.

"What did I say?" I asked, aghast.

"Son Goku..." ChiChi said slowly, "I'm quite sure you're coming down with something. I don't think I've _ever_ heard those words from you before in my life."

_Great._ I thought sarcastically, _Now every word out of my mouth gets me stared at._

One thing I knew was that I didn't want to stay there a minute longer. The atmosphere had gone from incredulous to awkward in a matter of seconds.

I muttered some form of explanation before placing two fingers to my forehead and teleporting.

X

There was really only one person I could have stood to be around at that moment, and apparently I'd subconsciously teleported right to him without thinking. Piccolo was hovering over a lazy, winding river, arms and legs crossed in meditation, eyes closed peacefully.

"Ah, Goku." he said as his eyes flitted open, glancing up at me, "It's been a while."

"I guess so." I nodded, unsure exactly what line of thought had brought me here. I really wanted to be alone, but some part of me must have known that what I needed was to talk to someone. Someone I trusted.

The Namekian stood leisurely, keeping his arms crossed as he looked me over.

Eventually he just chuckled, "Well damn," he said, "Something's got you twisted up, who's been antagonizing you, Goku?"

Several names jumped to mind, but I only had one answer.

"...I've been antagonizing myself, I guess."

That just made Piccolo laugh again, "Figures." he muttered.

I shifted my weight slightly, "What figures?"

"The only person who really has a chance of standing up to you is you yourself." he answered simply, "Especially in your case, Son, you're a split-personality if ever I saw one."

Despite myself, and despite that this statement was less than comforting, I felt myself relax a bit. Something about the Namekian's all-seeing, peaceable nature made the little doubts and worries clamoring in my mind seem like just that; little. Insignificant. And I was able to quiet them for a moment.

"I don't think I've ever seen you this stressed," Piccolo went on, "Not sleeping, not eating, and surely not meditating. You of all people know how important an internal equilibrium is."

I sighed, "Inner peace hasn't really come to me lately."

"I can see that." he said shortly, "Why don't you join me here? It's quiet and the river is calming to the mind."

I'd need a whole lot more than running water to calm my mind, and I doubted I'd be able to empty it long enough to reach some semblance of peace.

"Thanks, Piccolo," I said, "But I get the feeling the effort would be moot."

He blinked once, either because I didn't usually refuse something he offered or because I'd never said that word before, I wasn't sure which.

"I can't clear my mind if I can't even make it up in the first place," I clarified, "But I appreciate the thought."

The Namekian was silent for a while, just looking at me as if trying to make sure I was still there somewhere behind the stranger I'd become.

The only thing was... I wasn't sure if I _was_ there anymore.

TBC

_((Depressing depressing. Oh well, it's gonna be like that for a while. Also, I think Goku can accidentally see the future in this fic. At least, through his dreams. That one with Vegeta had some pretty major symbolism that he didn't pick up on, because it refers to things that happen later in the story._

_Thanks, as always, for reading and reviewing. ...and I think I like this chapter._

_-Shinsun))_


	8. Chapter 8

Twists And Turns

Chapter 8

I'd be lying to say things got better as time passed. A month went by, a month of unnerved stares, prying questions, misdirected concern, and disapproving glances. All I wanted was to be alone; I could barely stomach the time I spent with my own family, and every time I caught myself wishing I could make them all just disappear along with their questions, I felt sickened.

And yet, even when I did find myself alone, there was no relief from the questions. I bombarded myself with them, demanding answers I knew I couldn't give. I was more frustrated than I think I'd ever been in my life, and the weight of the building stress showed itself in three ways.

One; physically. my appearance continued to change, little by little. Not drastic change, but every time I passed my reflection in the mirror, I glimpsed a new line in my face, a darker shade of the sleepless circles under my eyes. Eventually, I just stopped looking.

Two; mentally. There wasn't a time anymore that I didn't have a headache, thinking too hard too much and burdening myself – knowingly and deliberately – with thousands of aimless questions.

Three... emotionally. My nerves were run so ragged that I developed dangerous mood swings, mostly in the negative range. I couldn't remember the last time I'd smiled and nearly every word out of my mouth was a bitter remark. I snapped at people, I showed my teeth in irritation, I swore – colorfully - and I think that was what drove me furthest apart from my relations.

In short, I suffered. Everyone else suffered from it. ...And there were times when I asked myself where it had all stemmed from to begin with. Was all this rearranging of identity because of a one-time incident with Vegeta?

….Of all things, he was the subject of the most of my acrimony. He occupied my dreams, chased my thoughts when I was awake, leaned in on my constant brooding and even found his way into some of my cursing. ...Silent cursing, of course. One thing I had to admit I dreaded was someone finding out _why_ I had changed so much, so suddenly. Finding out what I had done with Vegeta that had started this whole thing. A mention of the prince's name in the right instance would trigger a landslide of suspicion, and it wasn't that hard to put two and two together when the two in question were the last two Saiyans in existence.

I think the person who was the most unnerved and perhaps actually disgusted by me was ChiChi. I caught her staring at me the most, definitely. Like she couldn't quite believe her simple, gentle husband had become such an apathetic, acerbic person. She glared at me, she shook her head in disapproval... but to my slight surprise, she didn't try to pick a fight with me anymore, or even demand explanation. It was as if she was giving up, resigned, not bothering to try to fix the damage.

I'm not sure why, but that revelation made me sad somehow, and a little panicked. It was like she didn't know me anymore, like I was too far beyond her reach for her to see who I was. Sometimes I wanted to shake her, force her to look in my eyes and at least tell me if I was still there. I was scared, I'll admit that. I didn't know who I was anymore, what I was, what was happening to me. And it was turning the people I loved away.

X

I'm not sure what the final straw for her was. It wasn't some huge event that finally pushed my wife over the line; but I have to admit, I saw it coming.

I knew she'd get sick of it all after a while, and I was a little surprised that it did take that whole month of downhill progression for her to finally say enough was enough. Some sense of loyalty remaining, maybe.

Still, even if I did see it coming, I was shocked somehow when ChiChi suggested divorce. She was lying next to me in bed, turned away from me, and after she dropped that suggestion in blunt tones, she just muttered thickly at the wall a single sentence.

"I can't do this anymore."

I looked at her, her back still to me. There was nothing I could say. What could I have said? Excuses? Demands for explanations? Pleas for forgiveness? I was silent, conflicted thoughts rousing in the weariness of my mind.

It was true, I couldn't bear to touch my wife intimately anymore, I couldn't stand her temper – mainly because it rivaled my own now – I couldn't bring myself to smile at her. When was the last time the word "love" came into play with either of us? Where had that unquestioning sense of faithfulness gone?

A long silence reigned. I just looked at my wife, studied the planes of her shoulder blades facing me, the curve of her silhouette... could I bear to lose her?

_Yes._ A tiny voice whispered in the back of my mind. There was really nothing holding us together anymore. Over the years, the list of what we shared in common had dwindled as I attained new levels of power and she attained new slightly-warped parenting techniques. An ability to go Super Saiyan versus an obsession with proper schooling; a clique of warrior comrades versus a short temper and a neat-freak lifestyle. Over time we grew to be very different. I suppose that was to be expected, especially once I'd learned we weren't even of the same species, but we had always held fast together. Was this considerable rift enough to drive us apart?

My eyes landed on the soft surface of my wife's cheek, outlined in the moonlight. I was startled to see it glistening, streaked with silent tears.

I let my gaze drop to the sheets, finality ringing in the heavy silence.

"I'm sorry." I murmured dully, turning away from her as well.

And though she couldn't possibly have known what for, what thoughts coursed through my aching mind, I could have sworn I heard her whisper, "You should be."

X

I'm not sure why, but I think some small part of me had hoped she hadn't been serious. That it had just been a moment of exasperation considering how much of a depressing jerk I'll admit I was becoming.

That is, until she told me to come with her to court. Then I knew she'd meant what she said.

Of course, she insisted I _try_ to dress remotely formal, but because she didn't put up the energy to force me, I didn't have to put up the energy complaining about it. And I was a little surprised that after years of her literally dragging me to weddings and other such nonsense, my fingers actually knew what to do with a tie.

.

.

Turns out, there wasn't a lot for me to do either way, which suited me just fine. ChiChi did most of the talking, and the attorney that she was laying information out to just wrote some things down and chipped in now and then with a few words. It seemed ChiChi had actually thought this through, and I had to wonder how long she'd been thinking about divorce before she decided to go through with it.

Even though I didn't have to say much, except for clarifying certain things, it seemed to take hours before anything was decided. And right when it seemed like progress was actually being made, I was interrupted, pulled sharply from my thoughts as something jolted through me quite suddenly. A sense of panic and terror completely unrelated with the current situation. I extended my senses hesitantly and immediately homed in on the distant ki signal of Vegeta. It raised sharply in fear before dropping off, like a stone, and fading to nothing.

The attorney was just explaining something to ChiChi in an undertone, gesturing to a form laid half-filled-out between them; when I abruptly got to my feet.

"Goku?" ChiChi asked quickly, swiveling in her seat in time to see me turn to leave, shedding the heavy suit coat and restrictive dress clothes to reveal my orange gi – a rare occurrence nowadays for me to wear it, but some habits show up even when you're trying to forget them. I gave her a brief if completely unsatisfactory excuse before teleporting, catching a glimpse of the confused attorney's expression turning to shock as I vanished into thin air.

.

.

I reappeared to find the prince in question collapsed in a barren clearing, unconscious. If it weren't for the unsteady rise and fall of his chest I would have said he was dead. I knelt and turned his face towards me. His skin was feverish and pricked with sweat. He had absolutely no ki. I checked him for injuries, utterly puzzled; how had he passed out if he hadn't hurt himself at all? Upon examining his chest and abdomen for internal damage I paused, my hand shaking slightly. I could feel a faint pinpoint of a ki signal beneath my fingers, but it didn't belong to him. Distantly, I traced one hand over the barely perceptible curve nestled above the prince's hips. _Can't call him a liar now, can you?_ My mind taunted me. I stifled a curse and gripped Vegeta's wrist, teleporting both of us back to my home. I knew the house was empty, and ChiChi wouldn't be back for a while. She'd have to sort out my sudden disappearance with the court first.

I lay the prince on the sofa carefully, covering him with a blanket. I tried not to think about what a strange concept it was, to have Vegeta be in my house. The last time he'd been here we... the thought trailed off, and I didn't pursue it.

ChiChi returned shortly, probably more intent on getting an explanation for my leaving her so suddenly than on finishing the case at court.

"Goku, what the hell?" she demanded, gesturing flamboyantly with irritation, "Why did you just vanish on me without so much as a decent excuse? This had better be pretty damn important."

"That depends," I said bluntly, "How much is a life worth to you?"

Gods, my instinctive response was defensiveness now. In the past I would have just apologized and hoped to get off without too much ranting. Now I actually fought back in a conversation. When she jabbed at me verbally, I jabbed right back.

She blinked, "What are you on about?"

I waved a hand dismissively at the prince curled unconscious on the sofa.

Immediately, ChiChi tensed up, "What is _Vegeta_ doing in my house?"

_Her_ house? I bit my tongue to keep the automatic retort behind my teeth.

"He was in trouble," I explained shortly, "I had to help him or -"

"Right at that moment?" ChiChi interrupted, "You had to walk out of a meeting at court – okay, not _walk_, you know what I mean..."

"No one else would have been able to get to him quick enough," I said, "He would have died."

"But why was he in danger in the first place?" ChiChi snapped, "He couldn't have been attacked, no one's strong enough to -"

"His ki drained itself," I said slowly, forcing patience.

"Why?" ChiChi asked sharply, not fooled by the short response. I reminded myself that she'd dealt with Saiyans for a pretty long time, especially having raised two demis herself, and she knew that a person's energy didn't just disappear for no reason.

I sighed, I'd have to say it sometime. I could barely admit it to myself, I don't know how I was going to explain it to her.

"His energy was really unstable because -" I broke off, swallowing hard. If I said it out loud, there would be no way to hide from the truth anymore... "B-because he's p-pregnant."

ChiChi stared at me for a long moment. Her expression was the perfect personification of "_you wanna run that by me again?"_

"Vegeta. This is Vegeta we're talking about." she asked without the implied question mark.

I hesitated, then nodded slowly.

"But if he... then who -?" she began. Then a look of disbelieving comprehension dawned on her face, and I winced. There was really only one answer. One person who had the strength and ability to get the prince to submit. I wasn't even allowed the benefit of the doubt.

"You... Goku, you did _not."_ she breathed, a dangerous edge to the words.

_This can't be good,_ I thought ruefully.

"When did this happen?" she demanded, a needle of anger finding its way into the question.

"O-over a month ago," I said shakily, "But I didn't seek him out or anything, he came here and -"

She interrupted me, and the tone of her voice grew more furious with each word.

"You mean to tell me," she said, "That you cheated on me... you cheated on me, with Vegeta, _in_ _this house?!"_

I should have dropped my gaze to the floor and come up with some kind of apology, but for some reason, the fact that she got so angry caused a spark of ire to light in my blood as well. _What right does she have to be angry with me? Doesn't she think I've tortured myself over it enough? She's seen firsthand what it's done to me, what it's _still_ doing to me, how can she blame me for something that's been tearing me apart ever since I had the stupidity to do it?_

"Yes, I did." I said boldly, staring her down. What, did she expect me to deny it?

She was silent, fury simmering from her very being, for a minute.

"Get out." she said quietly. I almost didn't hear.

And I surprised myself.

"No." I said shortly.

She stared at me.

"If you have a problem with me then _you_ can get out." I said, "But I've been doing whatever you told me to do for twenty-five _years._ No more."

She seemed outraged, "What about Gohan and Goten?" she demanded.

"Sort that out with the attorney you hired." I retorted.

For a moment I thought she'd argue further, but she just gave me a murderous glare before turning on her heel and marching right out the door.

_She'll be back,_ I thought, _she won't be beaten that easily._

But had I beaten her? Why was I even fighting her? I'd just given myself something else to add to my growing list of what I'd lost.

X

I couldn't stand the silence. Couldn't stand to be trapped with my own doubts bickering in my head. I shakily sat down across from the couch and the prince resting on it; glimpsed Goten's radio and headphones hooked over the arm of the chair. Better than the silence. I slipped the headset on and cranked up the volume on the pocket stereo, drowning out the nagging questions and worries in my mind with the sound.

.

.

Hours passed. Goten came home from school, Gohan from his extracurricular class. I stayed in the same exact spot the entire time, running through the thousand-odd tracks on the radio in my hand, keeping my mind too full of screaming lyrics and blaring instruments to dwell on the thoughts that would otherwise haunt me. It was a temporary escape, keeping the eventual confrontation with myself at bay.

I was only interrupted when I felt I was being watched. I blinked for what felt like the first time in hours and glanced up to see Vegeta awake and looking at me perplexedly.

I quickly whipped the headphones off, startled.

"Y-you're awake!" I stammered blankly, stating the obvious. I tried to buy some time with the next question that left my lips, struggling not to let my nerves show; "How do you feel?"

He sighed explosively, leaning his head back against the couch cushions, "You know; your mood swings are worse than _mine."_

I almost smiled, but only because it was such a blunt truth. The kind of dry, careless humor that wasn't even meant to be funny that I appreciated these days.

"Why exactly am I in your house, Kakarot?" the prince asked.

_Good question._ I thought. After all, I could have taken him to Capsule Corp and left Bulma to deal with him, but I hadn't done that. Why?

"Because..." I began, uncertain and tentative, "You needed my help; I had to -"

"Since when do you care?" Vegeta snapped, and I winced. Another difficult question. More than half of my almost constant anger had been directed at the prince in front of me, so _why_ exactly did I care if he was in danger? What did it matter to me if he might have died? Why was it my problem if he was completely helpless and needed to be rescued?

"Since..." I began, honestly having no reply.

The prince interrupted me again, "Where's your woman? Wouldn't she usually be shrieking at me right now?"

I looked away, silence choking me for a moment. Of all things, I didn't want to tell Vegeta what she'd said to me, and on what terms that I'd sent her away.

"ChiChi and I talked last night, while you were unconscious," I said slowly, tactfully.

"...And?"

I grit my teeth, "And we decided to finalize a divorce." _More like _she_ decided. I just went along with it because... what else was I going to do?Beg her to stay? _

Apparently Vegeta had not been expecting that response though, because he sat bolt upright, eyes wide.

"W-what?" he stammered, "Why?"

I didn't want to answer that. There was no way I could answer that. I couldn't let him know how far I'd let myself fall, how much I'd changed with the twisted guidance of the monster.

Speak of the Devil and he shall appear; in the back of my mind, I could hear the whisper of the monster, when I really needed an answer to give.

_Lie to him._

"I realized what was more important." I said carefully, maybe that was half-true; I chanced a glance at the prince and continued,"I realized I was going to be a father... again."

_Whether I like it or not,_ I thought icily.

"You mean...?" Vegeta breathed, and I almost laughed. If he thought I was suddenly going to be bending to his will just because I had admitted he was carrying my child, he was mistaken. _I'm still not your third-class doormat, Vegeta. I haven't let you walk on me yet, and I'm not about to._

The way Vegeta's mind worked was a little bit of a mystery to me, despite out shared heritage and the understanding of decades. Did he honestly think that I would suddenly be all on-board with something that had caused me more turmoil and suffering than anything else in my life? That I'd drop everything to play house with him and throw even more burdens on myself? Did I really need that extra stress?

"Kakarot," Vegeta said, "Th-thank you."

_For what? I haven't said anything!_

I supposed it was in my best interest to go along with him right now, even if I couldn't – wouldn't - give him the whole truth. I wouldn't make any promises I wasn't sure I could keep, but I didn't need another person turned away because of something I'd done or said.

"No problem, Vegeta." I said flatly. I had no idea what he wanted, or what he expected from me. But I wasn't about to make any long-term arrangements around a mistake that was slowly turning me into a monster.

TBC

_((That last scene is pretty different from Goku's POV isn't it? People seemed surprised how undecided and emotionless he was in NIAMY, but that was mainly because you didn't have his thoughts too, just his words and actions. Now it's flipped and it's totally different._

_Also... I play Goku off as a music lover. I think Rock Your World had something to do with that, but it's just a little head-canon of mine._

_Looking back, I'm finding some inaccuracies in my plot of NIAMY... I may or may not be too lazy to fix them._

_Up writing until 4 a.m. Thank the gods I'm on spring break._

_-Shinsun)) _


	9. Chapter 9

Twists And Turns

Chapter 9

I would have been happy to leave it at that. Okay, maybe _happy_ was too strong a word – I could barely remember the last time that emotion had crossed my mind. Gods, I was pathetic. Stuck in a loop I had forced on myself; an ever-tightening noose that was cutting off the things I used to rely on little by little.

Regardless, Vegeta wouldn't let me break off the conversation there, and he broke into my train of thought with another question. _He is just full of difficult questions, isn't he?_

"W-when did you realize I wasn't lying?" he asked uncertainly.

Somewhere deep down I had known the truth the whole time, but I hadn't had the time or means to accept it considering everything else I had on my plate. That is, until it was shoved in my face just now.

I bit my thumbnail thoughtfully, "About seven hours ago when your ki went all wobbly," I said, "And I had to leave a meeting at court to IT over and save your ass."

Granted, that particular meeting at court wasn't one I would have _wanted_ to endure if I were given the choice, but...

"You were at court?" Vegeta interrupted my thoughts, "Why?"

I glared at him, _did I not _just_ mention that ChiChi and I were getting a divorce?_

"I got a job there, Vegeta, what do you think?" I snapped sarcastically, unsure where that retort had come from, "No, I was there to file a divorce with ChiChi, but obviously I was interrupted... ChiChi said she'd been planning to get a divorce for a long time now."

I remembered overhearing that when she was talking to the attorney, and I wasn't sure why it made me as upset as it did. She was _planning_ to split up? For how long, exactly? What had I done that had finally made up her mind, besides the obvious?

"...I had no argument;" I went on, _mostly because I couldn't come up with one fast enough, _"Things were getting kind of stale between us to be honest. We talked about it for a long time," Well, _she_ talked about it with that damn attorney, she only gave me four of five words the night before, "We went to court to ask for advice, and last night the final stake was driven in when I showed up with ___you _and tried to explain your condition." I got a perverse sense of amusement to see the wince that crossed his face, glad I was making him uncomfortable; it gave me a sense of empowerment, "The divorce will be finalized in a few weeks."

I hadn't expected to tell him that much, but once I started talking the words just came pouring out. I guess keeping the conflict bottled inside was probably unhealthy.

Vegeta said nothing, and it took me a moment to realize he was waiting for me to say more. _What else can I say? What other explanation can I give?_

"When I left court and teleported to where you were, I sensed another ki signature," I went on nervously, trying to fill the uneasy silence, "One I didn't recognize, and it was coming from you," I glanced at him quickly, but I couldn't read his expression, "Your unstable ki must have dipped low enough for me to be able to pick it up."

The prince's hand moved, and he lay it across his abdomen uncertainly. I could feel a faint tremor of fear in his ki, and I blinked. _He's afraid of me._ Or rather, my strength. I suppose I had become pretty unpredictable, but I hadn't thought of hurting him... not really. I wanted him to feel at least some of the torment he'd inflicted unknowingly on me, but I wasn't about to deal it with my own hand.

I glanced at his face, "How long?" I asked bluntly.

"What?" he sounded perplexed.

"How long has it been?" I clarified, moving my bangs out of my eyes restlessly. I had a rough guess, but I wanted to be sure before I decided anything; or let Vegeta decide anything.

"A little less than two months," the prince said softly, the hand he'd laid protectively on his midsection shifting a little.

I thought about it, _he doesn't seem to have a definite day memorized..._ "That sounds right," I nodded, "I remember, but..."

Vegeta looked at me in confusion at my hesitance.

"...Never mind." I said quickly.

"No, Kakarot, what were you going to say?" he asked.

I considered how much I should tell him; and whether to bring my developing theories into the mix...

"ChiChi started showing around week three with Gohan," I said, not expecting him to understand where I was going with my words, "And you _barely_ are now." I had only been able to detect the physical change to the prince's body through touch, and I probably wouldn't have discerned it at all if I hadn't known him for over a decade. Only when I could compare him with how he should be...

"What are you implying?" Vegeta queried, sounding unnerved.

I closed my eyes for a moment, trying to straighten my thoughts. Not easy to do with the object of my internal chaos sitting right in front of me. I wanted to strangle him sometimes, and sometimes I wanted to just take him in my arms and... I cut off the thought quickly. It was stupid really, how twisted he'd made me without even trying.

I opened my eyes again, to focus on the subject at hand.

"Maybe... maybe p-pregnancy is _longer_ for Saiyans than it is for humans." That was one of my theories. From what I'd been told by my grandpa Gohan of when he'd found me as a baby; as infants, Saiyans were pretty well-developed, capable of more than just basic motor skills... and possessing all the hair they'd ever have, if what Vegeta had told me about Saiyans' hair never changing held true. It would make sense that a Saiyan pregnancy would take longer, needing more time to properly develop the baby.

I still had a hard time connecting the word "pregnancy" with Vegeta. The ideas were in totally different leagues in my mind, it was hard to apply one to the other in a way that actually made sense.

"I wouldn't know," Vegeta muttered eventually, "I don't know a thing about either kind."

_Well he wouldn't._ I thought snidely. The proud prince Vegeta would have no time for learning about such things, after all, and wouldn't deign to pay attention if it was taught. He probably thought he'd never have to worry about it. And then of course... he wasn't there for Bulma before Trunks was born.

"Well then," I said flatly, getting to my feet and looking at the prince; "You're in luck, because I at least know about human pregnancy – so do ChiChi and Bulma, obviously – both of them made me sit through their many complaints and constant griping and ultrasounds –"

"Ultra-whats?" Vegeta interrupted blankly.

A hot flash of annoyance flared in my veins; his ignorance on the whole subject just rubbed me the wrong way. He didn't bother to learn any of this himself? What kind of parent – excuse me, _expecting_ parent – was he? That is, _if_ he bothered to keep the poor fetus in the first place? I wondered if he even knew what abortion was; if he'd ruled it out of his list of options yet if he did.

"Bulma hasn't done that yet?" I asked. I remembered how she'd mentioned going to the clinic often for check-ups when she was pregnant. _Just to be safe,_ she'd said. Did she not care if Vegeta received the same attention? It probably hadn't crossed her mind. She probably was too busy considering whether it was safe to dissect the embryo while it was still in the womb... or whatever the unnatural contraption in the prince's messed up anatomy was.

"N-no," Vegeta answered, "What is it?"

I was tempted to spit a bitter "_look it up yourself", _but I held my tongue and reined in my irritation.

"Just a way of examining the fetus while it's still in the womb," I said, damn near quoting ChiChi's dictionary definition of the word.

Vegeta got unsteadily to his feet; I felt his ki swerve a bit from his fall earlier, but he found his balance quickly.

"I'll talk to Bulma about this," I muttered absently, "After all, that's _my_ child too."

Much as I didn't want to admit it. I snuffed out an instinctive niggling of pride that a small piece of me was growing and developing within the prince. I wouldn't allow myself to fall prey to those thoughts. For some reason they scared me. I was afraid of replacing my family, losing everything I had just to gain something that I hadn't asked for. What kind of exchange was that? I couldn't keep both, could I? Did I even want to?

"Kakarot," Vegeta began, he almost sounded beseeching, "Why are you so mad at me? Why are you so against this?"

_Why AREN'T you?!_ I distinctly heard a tinge of the monster in that nearly-screaming thought. Why was the prince accepting this? How could he? Why could he just let himself be _changed_ like that?

….Why couldn't I?

"Hn," I muttered, "I thought of _all _people, _you'd_ be."

"What's that supposed to mean?" the prince snapped.

I glared at him, "It's a commitment, Vegeta," I said shortly, "One I thought you wouldn't be interested in."

He'd never been one for family, or for kids, after all.. Did he even know what it meant to be pregnant? What it entailed?

"It's also a _major_ ordeal," I continued, remembering things I hadn't thought about in years, "I only had to witness it once, and that was bad enough. ChiChi had to go through it _twice._ I can't even imagine that."

_And I wasn't there for her that second time. _I thought bluntly,_ namely because I was _dead.

Vegeta looked at me, "What do you mean?"

_Oh my gods, he actually doesn't know._ I don't know why I was surprised, but I'd thought the prince would at least know _something_ about what he was in for.

"Didn't anyone tell you?" I could hear how sharp my voice was. I thought about what I'd just asked, and I laughed without humor, "Of course Bulma didn't. She gets her scattered brain from her mother. And obviously you wouldn't _know._ You weren't there when Bulma was pregnant with Trunks."

_No, you were too busy trying to _surpass_ me._ I thought bitterly.

"Ask any woman on the face of the Earth;" I retorted, "Or any planet for that matter. Being pregnant is ___not _a walk in the park."

His eyes narrowed in scrutiny, "I know that," he began.

I almost laughed. _He doesn't know a damn thing._

"Do you?" I snapped sarcastically, "You're a month and a half in and you know everything there is to know?"

I didn't know why I bothered, he probably wouldn't listen to me anyway. It took a moment for me to notice I actually had his full attention. ...He looked nervous and a little worried.

I shook my head slowly, _might as well._

"First of all," I said, "There are the hormones. Believe me, that's bad enough as it is." I remembered how crazy my wife – or was she my ex-wife now? - had been when she was under the influence of estrogen and all that other insanity.

"ChiChi is high strung by nature, but when she was pregnant it was like she was a demon with black hair. And with you there'd also be the ___male _hormones mixed in, and I can't even ___imagine _what kind of chaos that'd cause."

I glanced at him, thinking about what little I'd seen of pregnancy's effect on him. He wasn't very far in now, but how much had he been through yet?

"Then there's the morning sickness," I began.

"I know -" Vegeta began quickly.

"I'm not finished." I cut him off, "You think it's bad now?" He probably did, self-pity was rare for him, but I can't say I hadn't seen him play the "_oh, poor me"_ card. More than once.

"Just wait until nearly everything you smell and every bit of food you look at makes you want to hurl." I went on, "With your sensitive Saiyan nose, it shouldn't take long. You wouldn't believe how many times I got up at the crack of dawn to sit with ChiChi while she puked her guts up." I could feel the monster edging its way into my words, turning them sharp and deliberate.

"And why? Because she asked me to." A rush of daring flashed through me and I added, "How many times has ___Bulma __d_one that for you?"

He blinked once, and I had my answer. She'd left him to deal with it on his own. I wasn't surprised. Much as Bulma continued to draw in friends and care for those she loved, she could still be unbelievably thoughtless when it came to others.

"Then there's the cravings," I continued; I sighed shortly, a sound of faint amusement rather like a laugh, "ChiChi demanded the craziest things; smoked salmon with barbeque sauce, cottage cheese with parmesan; she put ranch on ___everything._I assume it'll be even crazier for you, since you're Saiyan and all."

Of course, that was a rather small theory of mine. Considering a Saiyan appetite and mixed up hormones, there was no telling what the prince would demand on his plate... Or Saiyan pregnancy might turn out completely different... Maybe I was reading too deeply into it, or not deeply enough.

"And that's all before she got big." I went on, "Then she started complaining that her back hurt and the baby was kicking her ribs out. She was hungry ___all the time _and achy and uncomfortable."

Something occurred to me, while on the subject of maternal discomfort. Oh, if Vegeta didn't know about this he was in for a shocker.

"And then there's childbirth. Just the word itself recalls horrors or blood, sweat and screaming." I said bitterly, remembering how ChiChi had thrashed and screamed as Gohan had slowly and painfully made his way into the world, "They say there's absolutely ___nothing _more painful than giving birth. That's why all the girls say we're lucky to be male, you know. Well…" I glanced at the prince with something between a scowl and a sneer, completely the monster's doing... I hoped, "…Most of us."

My tirade was rewarded with the look of dread I'd caused on Vegeta's face. I was sure he didn't fear pain; neither did I, but he knew I wouldn't describe something like this if I didn't speak from experience, even if I'd only seen it from the sidelines.

"And after that," I concluded, "There's the midnight crying and the feeding and the diapers and the sleep-deprivation. The terrible twos. The teenage years. Trust me, it's a nightmare."

"But -" Vegeta stammered, "With your sons, you seem so happy."

_Is that what he wants?_ I thought, _The fairy tale family everyone dreams about? Hell, even _I_ knew that was a myth before Gohan was even conceived... _

No, that wasn't it... he just wanted reassurance from me. Wanted to know there was some semblance of payoff from all the suffering I'd described.

"Well I wasn't there for most of Goten's childhood, and you didn't even ___know _me when Gohan was little." I muttered. I wasn't sure what to say. Whether to attempt to comfort the prince or show him exactly what he'd turned me into.

"So then…. You regret it?" the prince asked carefully, "You regret having children?"

_Is that all he got from what I said?_ I thought. If so, then I wasted my time.

"No." I said, conviction coloring the word, "I don't regret it. Goten and Gohan are my whole world, I love them to pieces and I'd do anything for them."

Vegeta was silent a moment.

"But..." he began, a line of thought appearing between his eyebrows; clearly he was trying to understand, "You don't want another."

_You're not giving me a whole lot of choice. _

I flicked my bangs out of my eyes frustratedly, "I'm tied down again. And this time it's ___you _tying me down. I never thought I'd see the day."

"Then…you…." Vegeta swallowed hard, "Y-you don't want me to keep it?"

Apparently he misunderstood. He wasn't just tying me down with the conflicted issue of him being pregnant. Gods, if that was all it was, I wouldn't bother myself over it so much. Because of him I'd become something I was starting to loath, and because of him the monster of a passenger of anger was slowly eating away at me from the inside. But he didn't seem to know any of this. And I wasn't sure if I could tell him.

I sighed and spoke again, "That's your decision to make, Vegeta. But you shouldn't make it unless you've got all the facts. Not some half-explanation of Bulma's. I'll stay with you until it's born, because that's my responsibility, if you do keep it. But no longer, and for no other reason."

I didn't know how well I could uphold that, considering I could barely stand to look at the prince without battling conflicting violent and lustful urges. But at least I was doing _something, _whereas he hadn't even given Bulma the time of day when she was going through this ordeal.

"Well," Vegeta said slowly, tactfully, "I'm going to keep it. No matter what you say. I've worked too hard to turn back now. You don't have to stay if you don't want to. I won't ___tie you down._I've got the woman's help; that should be more than enough."

Just as I thought. He thought he had everything figured out and he'd done _so much_ work to get wherever he thought he was now. Hell, he'd practically been dropped there, he hadn't had to do anything. _Gods, he thinks he's so damn entitled. _I was trying to offer him some support from someone who actually knew what they were doing, and he was brushing me off. _Does he think I _want _to stick around and help him, when I can hardly figure out what the hell's happening to me because of him?_

"Even if you think I don't have an ounce of pride in me – maybe I don't, maybe I don't ___want _to – " I said sharply, "I at least have a sense of duty. You've taken just about everything from me; I won't let you take that too."

And just like that, he was enraged.

"I'm sorry, ___who's _taken ___what _from you?" he shouted, "I haven't taken a damn thing from you! If anything ___you _took everything from ___me! _My freedom, my dignity, my body…! I didn't ask for this, I didn't even ___consider _it! But I'm seeing it through, whether I like it or not! I doubt I'd be able to say the same of ___you i_f you were in ___my _position, you coward! So I'll say it," he inhaled slowly, "I'm pregnant... And I'm proud. I'm proud of myself, I'm proud of my decision and I'm proud of my son... Or daughter. And you can just go to hell if you think you're going to take that away!"

I wasn't sure what made me angrier... The fact that he could be _so_ _godsdamn blind_, or the fact that he was so haughty about it. So he was detained for nine months or so because he'd been careless and cheated on his – wait, was Bulma even his wife?... Nothing he wouldn't recover from. He'd gotten himself into this mess, he could get himself out; and here I was offering to lend him a hand, when it was _his ENTIRE fault_ that I had even met the monster and started falling too quickly to climb back up. I had lost my wife, the acceptance of many of my friends, and my entire identity. He had no damn room to talk about not asking for his current set of problems. He had no right to deal out the word _coward_ when he hadn't taken a single step in my shoes. He had no right to be proud of something that was slowly destroying everything I used to be.

"I've been to Hell," I said coldly, "So have you. Where do you think the kid will go?"

He blinked, and I knew that one had gone over his head, "What?"

"King Kai said there wasn't a ___single _Saiyan besides me and the half-Saiyans that went up above. They were all sent to Hell, Vegeta. Do you want to put your child through that?" I wasn't sure where the words came from, but they gave an outlet for some of the simmering rage in my veins without giving voice to all the madness in my head.

Vegeta looked frustrated, "Look, do you want to leave or not? Make up your mind, Kakarot, stay or go."

"This is my house." There should have been more anger in the statement, but my voice sounded totally neutral. I don't know how I pulled that off.

"Not the point," Vegeta snapped, ""Are you going to make me go through this alone? Because I will, if you decide to back out."

_He's awfully convinced for someone who has the parental experience of a teaspoon._

"I'll stay," I said quietly, "But not for you, Vegeta. I'll stay for the child. Once it's born, I'm leaving."

He probably didn't understand why I said that. Once the child was born it would have Bulma and other people to look after it, but while it was still a zygote in the prince's body, it was helpless. And knowing Vegeta, he wouldn't know how much was too much, how far was too far. He could be extremely careless when it came to his own safety – take today for example – and he would need _someone_ to tell him when to stop and when to think of the child first. Someone who wasn't a reckless, self-absorbed prince who had never had something else's safety depending on his own before.

Vegeta studied me for a long moment, as if wondering whether I was completely sane or not.

_That's something even I don't know..._

"Fine," he said at last, "You want in? Welcome aboard."

It was probably for the best that I didn't mention the monster throughout all this... or at all. The prince already questioned my sanity – with his eyes, but it was the same idea – I doubted he would be so willing to accept my help if he knew what a dangerous passenger I carried in the depths of my mind.

TBC

_((So now we have a new name for the monster. Goku referred to it as a passenger twice now, and I think I'll use that sometimes when he's thinking about it. This chapter turned out really long, mostly because I kept explaining what Goku was thinking throughout the whole thing. He's got a lot more weighing on his mind than it appeared in NIAMY._

_Thanks, as always, for reading and reviewing, and I'm sorry I just keep switching back and forth between two stories, my imagination's been giving me kind of a one-track-mind right now._

_-Shinsun))_


	10. Chapter 10

Twists And Turns

Chapter 10

I brought Vegeta to Capsule Corp and sought out Bulma immediately. She was tinkering with some kind of machine, flipping switches and pressing buttons rapidly.

"Bulma," I said shortly, trying to get her attention.

She jumped and turned around quickly.

"Oh it's you, Goku." she sounded relieved, apparently thinking me to be someone else at first.

I blinked at her once, "I need you to do something for me."

She stood, covering the machine she'd been working on with a sheet, "Sure, anything."

I gestured to where I'd left the prince in the hallway, "I want you to give Vegeta an ultrasonic examination."

She looked surprised, though it was probably more at those particular words she'd never heard me speak before than the suggestion itself.

"Uh... sure, I think I've got the technology for that somewhere..."

Why she had that kind of equipment lying around, I didn't know, but I wasn't going to question it.

.

.

Vegeta was instructed to lie down on a stainless white medical table, and Bulma started setting up wires and other equipment deftly. I felt awkward just standing there, and I thought it would be cowardly to leave. I heaved a sigh and sat in one of the uncomfortable chairs near the door; crossing one leg over the other and slumping forward tiredly, dropping my gaze to the white tile floor. I hadn't slept in over a fortnight, and even before that I hadn't been sleeping well with the nightmares and guilty fantasies of the prince before me.

_...If he knew about those fantasies..._ I thought grimly; the bitter musing trailed off in my mind.

I glanced up as a faint whirring sound signaled that the machine was turned on, but rather than watch the fuzzy static skittering on the screen as it booted up; I let my eyes rove over the prince slowly, since no one was paying the slightest attention to what I was doing. I kind of liked it that way.

He'd removed his shirt, and the muscles of his chest and abdomen glistened with a mixture of a thin sheen of sweat and the clear gel Bulma had used for the ultrasound itself. Just by looking, it would be impossible to tell that he was pregnant, in fact I might have scoffed at the idea if I didn't know the truth myself.

"Watch the screen," Bulma instructed Vegeta; and hesitantly, I got to my feet and stood a few paces away, wary and a little intrigued, I'll admit. My eyes remained trained on Vegeta, as he watched the blurred screen raptly.

"What am I supposed to be looking at?" the prince asked after a moment.

As Bulma explained the projection, I allowed myself to take a look at the screen perplexedly. I wasn't a scientist, so I couldn't tell you what exactly I was looking at, but I understood the basic concept. Still it kind of looked like a bunch of gray and silver sludge to me.

Bulma's eyes studied the screen thoughtfully as she slowly ran the scanner she held across Vegeta's waist again.

"It's strange," she murmured, almost to herself, "It's not like any other projections I've seen. I guess that's to be expected, but…" she bit her lip, "It just seems to be organized differently or something."

"Well obviously, woman," Vegeta muttered, "I'm Saiyan."

I thought about it. He probably had a point, but either way his anatomy would be irregular, whether by human standards or not.

"No, that's not it." Bulma shook her head, "I think it's because you're male."

I nodded to myself, that would be a contributing factor too.

"...What I don't understand is ___how _it's possible." the blue-haired woman went on, "There doesn't seem to be a uterus, something like it, yes, but… what's supporting the embryo?"

I could see Vegeta roll his eyes exasperatedly, but a new theory had occurred to me...

"Doesn't need it." I said quietly, trying to figure out how the woman had deciphered what she had from the illegible smear of gray on the screen.

"What?" Bulma sounded startled, glancing up at me, "What do you mean, Goku?"

The theory was still formulating in my mind, but I answered her anyway.

"Vegeta's right," I wasn't sure if I was comfortable saying that out loud, "It's probably different because he's Saiyan; a Saiyan embryo can most likely survive on different circumstances than a human one."

From what I knew, Saiyans were resilient creatures – and I was in a rare position to speak from experience – and that might shed a little insight on why the beginning of a Saiyan infant had been able to develop even inside a person who was clearly male. Obviously there had to be something keeping it alive, but my guess was that even under less than ideal conditions, even as little more than a growing cluster of cells, the little being was a survivor.

"Maybe you're right," Bulma complied, "But something's been confusing me since day one of this whole thing: how was it even possible for him to conceive in the first place?"

For that, I had no theory. I glanced at Vegeta; and noticed Bulma doing the same. Maybe he knew something. After all, he knew a lot more about Saiyan lore than I did. And it was _his_ body that was housing this universal oddity, wasn't it?

Immediately the prince scowled, "Why are you looking at me? I have no idea."

_So much for that_.

There were a few moments of silence, and my gaze drifted from the prince to look at the screen again. Before I could say anything, he pointed at a corner of the image and asked,

"What is that?"

I scrutinized the area he'd indicated, and found myself inclined to ask the same thing. I hadn't seen a whole lot of ultrasonic projections before – ChiChi had only had it done once or twice; and the first time, I wasn't there.

"That's the baby," Bulma said steadily, "Or... what will become the baby."

I flinched and studied the image again. It was nothing special, to be honest, just a little quivering blob in a mass of gray and black. But knowing what it was, what it promised, I couldn't help but feel... something. Almost like I was short of breath.

"Can you... can you tell me more?" Vegeta asked tentatively.

"It's kind of hard to tell at this early stage," Bulma said slowly, and I tuned out the rest of her words. I glanced at the image one more time before switching my gaze to the prince before me. He wasn't facing me, but I could see his agitation. I wasn't sure why, but something about how awestruck he seemed to be unnerved me. How could he be so accepting of this accidental being taking form within him? I would have expected him to treat it as he would a parasite that invaded his body; not as a miracle. _What happened to him to make him so... outgoing? _

Abruptly, Vegeta turned and looked at me with irritation in his eyes.

"Do you have to do that?" he snapped.

I blinked once, confused, "Do what?"

He grit his teeth, "Glare at me all the time! I didn't _do_ anything, okay?"

Had I been glaring at him? I hadn't been aware of it...

_Glare at me... all the time?_ I played back what he said in my mind. I guess I had been glaring at him a lot, I didn't know he'd been paying attention to it.

"...It's nothing," I muttered.

He crossed his arms rigidly, unconvinced.

I saw Bulma glance at me in puzzlement, then at Vegeta.

"Why do you guys keep _arguing?"_ she burst out.

I was about to respond, but Vegeta beat me to it.

"Ask _him,_" he shot me a look that was all daggers, "I have absolutely no idea why he's so angry."

I averted my gaze by dropping it to the floor. That was too complicated a subject for me to clarify for them... and I doubted they'd understand if I did try to explain.

"Goku," Bulma said as she switched off her machine, "Really, what's wrong?" She threw Vegeta a shirt. He put it on, and pulled it over his gel-slicked midsection with a disgusted expression.

I stole glances at both of them out of the corners of my eyes.

"Nothing," I said coldly at last; a complete lie.

Bulma's tone was sarcastic as she simpered, "Oh, sure, I'll believe that,"

_Damn it_. I knew I didn't have a hope of fooling her.

"I've known you longer than anyone, Goku." She said, glaring at me, "I can tell when you're hiding something."

Defensiveness flared in my veins and I growled, "Yeah, but I don't have to tell you _everything."_

"You can tell me about this!" she shot back.

"It's not important," I snapped, "And it's none of _your_ business anyway!"

_Going to turn her away too?_ My thoughts mocked me.

I set my teeth; that thought was purely my own... the monster was conspicuously silent.

_And right when I could use some guidance,_ I thought bluntly.

"Is it mine?" I almost snarled as I heard Vegeta speak, but it was only because he was the last person I wanted to try to explain myself to when I felt like I was running blind.

Trepidation was setting in... because I had gotten myself pretty angry completely without the help of the monster's easy rage... Was I actually becoming the monster? Was that why it was quiet?

Vegeta looked nervous as I glared at him, "Is it... Is it my business?" he asked.

I hesitated, unsure what I could tell him; and right when I thought about actually saying what was on my mind, the monster reared its head and cut in,

"No," my voice snapped, "What goes on in my life is no one's business but mine."

Relief trickled through me, and I wanted to slap myself for it. I should _not_ be relieved that the monster was still with me; I should be trying to get rid of it.

"But you're taking it out on us," Bulma pointed out, looking at me with something between compassion and frustration.

"It's not a big deal," the monster pulled the sharp retort from me, and I didn't dwell on it, though it was obviously not the truth.

"Stop this, Kakarot," Vegeta said swiftly, "Your arguments are getting you nowhere, it'll save a lot of trouble to just spill it."

"No." I replied obdurately.

"Come on, this isn't like you," Bulma implored, her blue eyes distressed, "You're frustrated and angry and _sad_ right now."

Shock slapped through me, and I stared at her.

_How can you see through me? _My thoughts demanded, _How can you understand me?_

That was the closest thing to empathy that I'd encountered in a long time.

I didn't know what to say in response, there was nothing I could make myself say. I looked at Vegeta, saw his eyebrows furrowed with concern, and my patience ran out.

"Just drop it." I snapped, looking away from both of them.

Before I could change my mind, I left, forgoing Instant Transmission until I'd left Capsule Corp's doors behind me. I couldn't stay here right now, I needed to think, and for that I needed an escape. I probably should have faced the questions and accusations of my oldest friend and the prince of my race, but I couldn't make myself confess to what I'd let myself sink to. I was ashamed of myself... For not having the courage to be what I was.

.

.

I teleported, but I sensed I was being followed, and as soon as I reappeared in the mountains of my home, I teleported again at random. I found myself in the southern reach of Satan City, and I took one glance at the clustered packs of people crowding the streets before abandoning that location as well.

I rematerialized for the third time on the edge of Chazke village, one of Cell's conquests back when he'd been terrorizing the Earth. It was quiet, the surrounding forest deserted. Out of breath from running away – I knew that was what I was doing – I stood there for a moment, appreciating the solitude for all it was.

I slipped back into my battling thoughts; they had not simplified one bit since I'd left. I wrestled with myself for what may have been mere minutes or much longer... I wasn't sure. And of course, now that it had been awakened, the monster would not go back to sleep.

Frustration made my skin feel hot and tight, and a low growl rumbled in my chest as I tried to quiet the conflict gripping my mind.

I completely lost track of the time, and I was jolted from my reverie as I felt Vegeta's ki in the distance... or lack thereof.

_Not again..._ I thought.

I teleported, still arguing in my mind about whether I should; and found the prince barely clinging to consciousness, sitting unstably with his head between his bent knees, breathing shallowly as he struggled not to pass out. The strain he was creating on his energy by remaining in this limbo would make it flicker out completely if he kept it up.

"Snap out of it, Vegeta!" I shouted, approaching him uncertainly.

A shiver eddied down his body and his eyes slitted open blearily, aimlessly drifting before fluttering closed again.

"Vegeta!" I insisted, touching a hand to his shoulder to try and get his attention. He weakly shoved the hand away, his fading ki dipping lower and blurring vaguely.

_He's going to die,_ I was surprised to hear the icy tone of the monster saying this urgently in my mind.

Impulse took over and I brought a hand back quickly, slapping the semiconscious prince across the face.

Immediately his eyes snapped open, unfocused and bleak, but at least I had his attention.

I prepared myself to slap him again if he started losing consciousness, a snarl of determination on my face.

"Snap out of it," I repeated, watching light flood back into Vegeta's hazed eyes as he stared at me,

"I'm going to give you some of my ki so you can stand." I explained bluntly, "Can you focus on me long enough to take it or do I have to hit you again?"

He blinked rapidly a few times, as if trying to retain his vision. I took that as an affirmative.

_Don't know why I'm helping him,_ I thought, _It'd be a hell of a lot easier to just..._

I shook off the thought and concentrated on the task at hand, funneling a steady flow of ki into the drained prince. His breathing steadied after a few moments and he got to his feet, regaining his balance gradually.

I stood as well, watching the other Saiyan to be sure he didn't collapse again.

"Th-thanks," Vegeta stammered shakily, looking at me with equal measures of gratitude and wariness.

I released a pent-up breath on a sigh.

"Anytime," I said dully.

He just looked at me for a long time, his crisp black gaze scanning my face as if trying to understand it. I let myself look at him as well, somehow feeling like I didn't deserve to.

_That's ridiculous, _I thought, _he's not so special._

I realized Vegeta was waiting for me to say something... but I had absolutely no idea what to say. So I said the first thing that came to mind.

"You... you shouldn't fly off alone like that."

His eyes narrowed, "_You_ did."

_Technically I teleported._ I thought neutrally.

"That's different," I said pointedly, "You're..." I swallowed hard, still having a hard time saying it.

Vegeta had no such problems, "You think because I'm pregnant I can't take care of myself?"

"I... Yes, actually," I said brusquely, "Look, you almost got yourself killed just now!"

_And I came running... again..._ I thought discordantly.

"I didn't -" Vegeta began heatedly.

"Vegeta, when I got to you, your ki was almost gone." I said, "If ___you _weren't about to die, then the baby certainly was."

He tensed, opened his mouth to retort; closed it again. Eventually he just closed his eyes and sighed.

"Why did you come after me?" he asked after a moment.

"I could ask you the same thing," I said sleekly. After all, he'd pursued me first, and because of that I'd had to teleport all over the damn map trying to get away.

_Coward,_ my mind taunted, a spice of the monster's jeering finding its way into the thought.

"You could have let me die and been done with it," the prince snapped impatiently, "No more commitment, no more conflict."

_I could have..._ I thought, _But it would solve nothing... _

I shook my head with a long sigh, "If you died, none of that would go away... if anything, it might get worse."

"Why?" he pried stubbornly.

I couldn't think of a reply.

"Because." I said shortly, a rather childish attempt to end the discussion there. And I should have known it would be useless.

Vegeta looked at me doubtfully, "Kakarot, tell me what's wrong with you," he pleaded, "I've been completely honest with you this entire time, can't you return the favor?"

So he wanted the truth... something he'd apparently struggled to give me.

_There's one big difference, _I thought, shifting slightly, _Your truth and my truth are very different. ...And mine's a lot harder to put into words._

My gaze lowered to the rocky ground and I thought haphazardly for a moment. I supposed I should at least make an attempt.

"I… I've been so confused, Vegeta." I muttered quietly. For once, no spite, no sarcasm, no bitterness colored the words. But they were far from emotionless.

I glanced at the prince uncertainly, then dropped my gaze back to the ground.

"I… t-thought I was mad… at you, but… really I was just…" ..._Angry with myself,_ I finished in my mind. It was so much easier to vent on the prince than to try to connect with him, especially after what had happened the last time I tried. I got closer to him than I ever thought I would, and it resulted in my whole world falling apart at the seams, taking me with it.

"You were just...?" Vegeta prompted softly, looking hopeful.

I hesitated nervously. Once again the monster had left me to fend for myself... and I wondered if I should even try to bring it back. Maybe... I should just...

_Well I can't trust myself, I can't trust the monster, and I can't trust Vegeta... what the hell do I have to lose?_

"Kakarot, please -" Vegeta began beseechingly, and I made up my mind.

Without a second of thought or doubt, I closed the space separating us rapidly; gripping the prince's shoulders and covering his slightly ajar mouth with my own.

I was overwhelmed instantly, nearly knocked off my feet with the sheer sensation.

Vegeta tasted _incredible._ In the brief moment, his hot, rich, wonderful mouth opened, tempting me. I gave in and plunged in hungrily with my tongue, crushing his soft lips to mine, teeth gnashing for a stronger taste. Smoky Saiyan scent rushed irresistibly into my nostrils and a wave of heat swept over me; leaving my skin with a chill as I forced myself to stop, wrenching myself away, which felt no less agonizing than tearing myself in half.

It was over in a moment. I backed away to try to get ahold of myself, breathing hard and shaking a little.

Vegeta's lips were still parted slightly, his eyes closed; preserving the moment in the short space of time before his eyes blinked open and he looked at me. Confusion? Anxiety? Hope? Some bizarre mixture of the three scrawled across his visage.

"Vegeta, I..." I began unsteadily. _Gods,_ I could still taste him on my lips, on my tongue, "...I didn't..."

_I didn't mean to do that..._

But was that true? I hadn't been listening to the monster at the time, and I hadn't felt the thoughtless impulse of letting instinct control me like I had in the past. It was entirely my decision to kiss Vegeta, and it was entirely my decision to register that I enjoyed it.

"It's alright, Kakarot." Vegeta said slowly, trying to meet my eye.

Yes, he had been a willing participant. Had by no means tried to stop me or take control. ...But he didn't understand that... that I didn't know _why_ I'd let myself do that.

I unconsciously wrung my hands together indecisively. I wanted more, I couldn't deny that, but I was afraid. My last intimate encounter with the prince had not ended well... and had resulted in both of us suffering in different ways... Maybe it was safer that I denied myself this one great desire.

"I didn't mean to..." _Well I did, but._.. "W-what I mean is... I shouldn't have..."

"Kakarot," Vegeta implored, "Please tell me you aren't about to leave again,"

"I..." I broke off, uncertain, "I don't... I don't know..."

Until the moment when I'd thrown away my doubts and the whispering guidance of the monster, I hadn't had any idea what I wanted. Now I had a very clear idea. Whether or not I _should _was another matter.

I kept my gaze on the ground, refusing to look at the prince as I knew it would influence and bias my decision.

"___Please _stay," Vegeta begged, "I…I think…"

I wrestled with myself, Vegeta's voice ringing in my ears even as echoes of his taste lingered in my mouth.

"I think I'm in love with you,"

My head snapped up. I wasn't sure I'd heard correctly.

"W-what?" I was completely floored. Of all things, I hadn't expected...

Vegeta was looking at me, slightly nervous, slightly... convicted.

….And that just made my decision even more complicated.

"You... You're serious?" I gasped. That one four-letter word stayed on loop in my mind; when was the last time I'd heard it directed at me? ... Too long ago.

Vegeta hesitated, then nodded twice.

_He's waiting for you to say you love him back,_ after a long silence, the monster made itself known again, albeit quietly,_ So make up your mind; do you?_

_No... no, I would know if I... _I thought frantically.

"I'm sorry…" I said slowly, "I… I don't feel the same…."

"Then why did you kiss me?" Vegeta demanded.

Oh gods, just the thought of it... _Stop it. Answer his question._

"Because..." I began, what could I say? I scrambled for a reply and eventually just snapped, "I don't know, Vegeta, I just _don't know!"_

He glared at me, "All I know is that after you did, all that conflict in your eyes –" he snapped his fingers, "– just disappeared."

It was true, the moment I made up my mind and our lips connected, every trace of doubt and the niggling of the monster had been washed away. ...But that didn't mean that I... I just couldn't...

I took a step backward, already bringing a destination for escape to the forefront of my mind; knowing Vegeta wouldn't follow after his ki had drained earlier chasing me down.

I didn't expect him to stop me.

He grabbed my wrist forcefully before I could even budge another step.

"Oh, no you don't!" he growled, "Don't you ___dare!_"

I glared at him, shoving the monster back in my mind... I wouldn't let it interfere now, this was _my_ decision.

"If you don't know what you're feeling, you're going to stay right here until you figure it out," Vegeta said sharply, "Then, and only then, I'll let you go."

We both knew it was a half-empty threat; I was stronger than him on a bad day, and he couldn't afford to exert any more ki after he'd nearly passed out... But I couldn't help feeling that running away now would make me even more of a coward... and I'd just be left with my doubts and conflicted thoughts again.

So I stayed put.

And the only thing that really bothered me as I stood there was that I couldn't come up with a good enough reason for doing what I just did... And I didn't mean kissing Vegeta.

I couldn't come up with a good enough reason for making myself stop.

TBC

_((Jeez, long chapter. Tomorrow's school though, so I'm going to kick it off with a good night of assaulting my keyboard and my battered vocabulary until 2 a.m..._

_Not sure if I liked the beginning of this chapter, but that brief kiss was one of the best ones I've ever written... if not _the _best._

_Thanks, as always, for reading and reviewing. This story is so much fun to write, you have no idea._

_-Shinsun))_


	11. Chapter 11

Twists And Turns

Chapter 11

Looking back... I probably would have been better off if I decided to bolt right then, rather than listen to the prince as he looked me dead in the eye and spoke.

"Now answer me, Kakarot," he said slowly, "Why did you kiss me?"

"I told you," I snapped, "I don't know!"

I was certain those words were the complete, unfiltered truth. I had absolutely no idea why I'd kissed him... only that – for the brief moment during which it transpired – it was amazing. Now... it was causing me a lot of trouble.

"That's a lie," Vegeta retorted angrily, "You _do_ know, you just don't want to say it." His grip that he hadn't removed from my wrist tightened slightly.

I thought hard, but the only reason I could come up with for letting myself kiss the prince was that at the time, I had wanted to. That for once, I'd decided to listen to myself instead of the nagging doubts and the whispering of the monster.

"Well, _I_ want to here you say it." Vegeta growled.

I blinked in confusion, _what does he want from me?_

"What exactly do you want to hear me say?" I asked levelly.

"I want to hear you say..." the prince began, then he broke off. He let go of my wrist absently; then inhaled slowly and pressed on, "I want to hear the truth."

_There he goes with the truth again._ I thought drearily. I couldn't tell him what I hadn't exactly figured out for myself yet. How did he expect me to speak the truth when I didn't even know what it was anymore?

_Ah, you're thinking too hard._ The monster whispered quietly, _Stop thinking and just listen to yourself. Then tell Vegeta what he needs to hear._

If it had come from anyone else, I would have called it sound advice. But I was wary of the monster murmuring within my head, especially since its tone had softened so much recently. I doubted – after it had gotten me into so much trouble – that my dark little passenger was actually on my side.

But I had no other options to work with...

I let my eyes slip closed as I closed down all my quarreling thoughts and just focused on what I felt, drawing a long sigh as I looked at the prince across from me again.

"The truth?" I said bluntly, sorting the conflicting emotions I had unchained and trying to form a pattern of sorts, "It's... it's just that..." Frustration set in as the jumble of feelings arranged itself into something I didn't want to look at, "The truth is that… when I look at you..." ..._the few times I allow myself to really look at you, _"...I can't explain it but I feel like I ___have __t_o be where you are! Like I'm… ___drawn _to you or something,"

Every time the prince had been in danger, I hadn't been able to stop myself from speeding to his location -wherever it may have been – and going to whatever lengths to keep him from harm... I wasn't sure where the hell those almost _protective_ responses had come from.

I caught my breath and I tried to think about what exactly I'd been feeling before I kissed Vegeta. What had caused me to throw all my restraint to the wind, and take what I somehow felt should be mine in some twisted up way... ?

"Your scent is…. intoxicating," I breathed raggedly, _Gods just inhaling it now... I can barely think clearly..._ "Your voice is…. I just… I know I shouldn't…."

_Especially so soon after ChiChi divorced me over this exact same thing, _I thought mutinously.

The effort of expressing that depth of emotion through words left me panting for breath, looking away from the prince as I contemplated how best to smooth over the uncertain ground I'd just stirred up.

Vegeta looked bemused, "Are you trying to say you...?" he began.

"No." I said shortly. _I shouldn't have assumed he'd understand..._ _he still thinks I - _"I know what love is," I muttered, "I _do,_" I added with an edge of irritation as he looked at me reproachfully.

"And this…" Damn it, I was still short of breath, "...is different. It's like you're doing it on purpose. It's like you're taunting me, it's like… like I have to bite my tongue off to keep from... from ___growling…._At you, I think…. No, ___over_you. It's like…"

I cut myself off when I realized how tangled my words had become, I was nearly incoherent trying to explain what the hell I was feeling.

"I know why," Vegeta said suddenly.

I stared at him; trying not to be so obvious in doing so. Did the prince know something I didn't? _Like what? He's been uncharacteristically ignorant since... since..._

I shivered as the thought trailed off; a wave of the prince's unique scent teasing me as a deeply contemplative look crossed his face. At first I was inclined to drink it in greedily and keep it in my lungs like the heady smoke of a particularly strong drug; but a feeling of wariness stopped me, and despite the taunting scent permeating around me, I resisted. I took a shallow breath through my mouth, attempting to avoid the aroma and completely shut off my sense of smell.

"Care to explain?" I muttered once I'd steadied myself, my arms crossing defensively over my chest.

He didn't respond, but he was watching me perplexedly, his dark eyebrows furrowed over equally dark eyes. He took a slow inhalation through his nose, taking in the surrounding scent gradually, almost savoring; I felt sick with envy at his lack of restraint.

Vegeta breathed in deeply again, a somewhat peaceful, somewhat desiring expression crossing his face.

"You smell it too?" I asked softly. _Hell, it would be so easy to..._ I broke off the thought, battling down forbidden desires that were awakening and perking their ears up. But Vegeta was... looking at me like... "...Then you understand?"

He blinked once, his jet black eyes slightly hazed.

I suddenly felt an overwhelming urge to be closer to him. _No._ I commanded myself stubbornly.

_...Just an inch?_ My thoughts wheedled.

I wasn't conscious of it, but I'd involuntarily taken a step towards the prince. _Dammit... my control is slipping..._

"It's like..." I began, feeling the unreliable monster and a slightly familiar sense of animal instinct meshing into some new hybrid of madness in my head. Either way, I wasn't thinking at all when I dropped my inhibitions and drew a deep, slow breath through my nose; my starved sense of smell immediately hitting high alert as a mosaic of surreal scent rushed into me.

"It's like swallowing the sun," I inhaled again hungrily, already sensing addiction taking hold of my brain. And when I spoke again I almost didn't recognize my voice, "It's like dark chocolate and red wine and everything wonderful in the world."

_It's like falling off a cliff, or being pushed..._ the monster chipping in guided my thoughts, trying to somehow find the words to describe the indescribable.

_Drowning... Asphyxiating... _

"Overwhelming and irresistible, mouthwatering, alcoholic,"

_Like sex itself..._

"...like something forbidden that you just want _so badly."_

I hadn't been conscious of moving further, but I found myself less than an inch from the fiery prince before me, feeling his body heat flood over me, adding to my own sweltering temperature until I wondered if I would suffocate from it.

"N-no, Kakarot, that's not what I..." he stammered, but I didn't hear him. I could see his smooth, perfect lips tracing words, could hear the vibration of sound waves trying to make sense in my head... But I was otherwise deaf to all but my racing heartbeat. My sight was the next to be impaired, around me the world blurring and fuzzing...

I did not command myself to move, but I took a hesitant step, circling the tempting prince, close enough to touch... close enough to even reach in and taste... He was a glorious feast, and I suddenly found myself starving.

I raked over his skin with my beclouded gaze, memorizing hazy outlines of sleek bronze flesh... clean cut lines of accented muscle through a thin indigo barrier of spandex clothing.

His searing eyes slipped closed. I watched in captivation as steadying breaths drew as gossamer whispers of air between his lips; the faint, effortless rise and fall of a powerful chest as his lungs worked.

Slowly, his eyes flitted open, and I felt myself drawn closer; sucking deliberate, relishing breaths to further douse myself in his impossibly alluring scent. I was becoming infected with it; coming down with it like a virus, unable to fight it off and unwilling to try... Slowly relinquishing myself to the grip of the ambrosial disease that was...

"Vegeta," I murmured thickly; was that my voice? It was far away... heavy with craving...

I was so close to him... I could have moved the barest bit and brushed my nose against his cheek; could have...

Before I could stop myself, I leaned down and ran my tongue across the soft skin of his jugular, reveling perversely in the salt of sweat, the flinch of hyperactive muscles jumping under the contact...

I traced an oral path down the side of his neck, my vision flickering as my eyes nearly closed on their own. I paused at the peak of his shoulder, where the coiled muscle joined with his neck... my lips hurting to press to the silk bronze skin... my fingers itching to reach out and touch, to stroke and explore every inch of the perfection before me...

Vegeta took a step or two away from me, the tang of his fear registering in my alert nostrils. Impulsively, I reached out from behind him and folded my arms around him, preventing his escape and drawing him close to me so that his back was to my chest. Insatiable, my lungs demanding more of my own personal drug; and I inhaled a strong dose straight from the source, my nose pressed to the back of the prince's shirt as I breathed him in, my breath hot rebounded back on my own face. I could feel I was rock hard, the light friction against his spine as delightful as it was infuriating.

Vegeta struggled against my grip, panic sparking in his ki, coloring his scent fascinatingly.

I heard his voice shouting at me faintly from a distance beyond my hearing or caring.

A growl rolled in my chest and I buried my nose in his hair, submersing myself in the intense, redolent perfume drenching my senses. Gradually, my prey stopped struggling.

I could smell him everywhere... oh, gods, I could taste him everywhere... running between my teeth as my mouth watered, in the back of my throat as the growl in my chest morphed into a carnal purr.

"Vegeta," I moaned softly, the sweet word vibrating against the roof of my mouth and dancing on my burning lips.

Fuck, I needed to taste him again... Needed to. My tongue slipped out and traced along his neck, swirling abstractly before melting back as I pressed my lips to the skin; kissing it, devouring it, the taste of the prince's clove and copper invading my mouth.

I felt the vibration of sound as the prince spoke again, felt the frantic unease pulsing in his energy as he tried to move away from me.

I wouldn't lose his taste that easily. Turning him blindly so that his chest was touching mine, panting for breath, I attacked his mouth, nearly moaning aloud in desperation.

For a brief moment, he seemed to relax against me, but then he tensed and broke away, his beautiful black eyes wide with anxiety, quickly averting his gaze from me.

Impatience ran hot through my blood and I found his unsuspecting mouth again, feeling it turn more willing as it yielded to mine, hearing a low vocalization in the prince's throat. I wanted to catch that moan on my tongue, and I shoved it into his mouth, stroking the agile muscle along his own, plundering for a place where his raw, irresistible taste was still untouched by my influence.

He shifted his weight slightly, and I felt the stirring of royal arousal brush against my thigh. Demanding, my hips rolled against his, grinding my aching hardness against his own straining member.

I withdrew my mouth from his for air and air alone, but my lips did not seek out the prince's again. Instinct guided me, bringing my mouth to the juncture of the prince's left shoulder. Heat radiated from the area, along with a vibe of temptation that made me shiver slightly with desire. I licked the skin, nuzzled it, kissed it, holding the trembling prince close to me; refusing to lose that wonderful body heat.

As my lips pressed to his shoulder, I felt a throbbing in my gums, pulsing dully through my teeth, begging to sink into something...

I felt the prince tense beneath my touch as my lips rolled back and my canines scraped lightly against his skin.

Urge stabbed through me, and my teeth plunged into Vegeta's shoulder, as deep as they would go. A trickle of thick, hot fluid ventured into my mouth... and I nearly fell apart.

At the first taste of the prince's blood, I completely lost myself... It was like liquid fire, sweeping through my entire body, mixing with my own blood pounding in my veins... It was sweet and rich and overflowing, engulfing every nerve ending and then setting them ablaze. I was blind and deaf; I doubted I was even alive... sure that my heart had stopped; impossible colors flashing behind my eyelids.

I almost didn't notice when my whole body locked in reaction, and I came with a groan stifled against the royal flesh pressed to my mouth. Somewhere, distantly, I sensed Vegeta undergoing much the same response.

I drank him like he was the only thing keeping me breathing. When the flow grew sluggish, I dug deeper with my blood-slicked canines, gouging the compact muscle beneath my hungry lips. To put it simply... I absolutely could not get enough.

...And then I returned to myself abruptly. The haze clearing from my mind to reveal it completely blank, devoid of thought, for a moment.

Then I felt Vegeta's skin clenched in the grip of my teeth, punctured by deep wounds I had created myself. With a growl of conflicted panic and lingering want, I wrenched my canines out of his shoulder none-too-gently and stood away, still shaking a little. I could taste his addictive blood still soaking my teeth and tongue, crusting around my gums. While the blur of mingled animal instinct and the urging of the monster had faded, the taste remained in my mouth, and though it was just as exquisite as it had been a moment ago... now it also tasted like guilt.

I looked at Vegeta slowly, seeing my distorted reflection looking back at me in his black pupils. My warring eyes... bloodstained teeth.

_...What have I done?_ _What have I started?_

"Kakarot..." Vegeta began, absently touching the ragged bite wound on his shoulder, red rivulets dripping down his arm.

I felt my eyes drawn to the blood, my thirst for it not quite sated...

_No._ _Gods, you've done enough..._ I wasn't sure this time if it was the monster or myself thinking that. I doubted it was the former; after all the monster had been at the wheel – or rather... a backseat driver – throughout that whole thing. But I didn't really think the thought was mine either.

Maybe it was the last remains of my conscience, reminding me with what little voice it had left that I had done more than enough damage here. Most of it not physical.

Before I could think any more on the matter, I leapt into the sky, refusing to look back and see Vegeta staring after me. I just wanted to get as far away from here as I could...

...And I had no idea at the time what a stupid mistake that was.

TBC


	12. Chapter 12

Twists And Turns

Chapter 12

The moment I left, my head all but split open. I nearly fell out of the sky as my temples throbbed angrily, stabbing ruthlessly at the meat of my brain with what felt like blunted daggers.

I limped through the sky, unable to see straight with the agonizing headache – which I think was much too simple a word to describe it, it was more like a head-attack – and eventually I gave up on flight and tried to teleport. A useless effort, as I couldn't concentrate in the slightest with the agony mincing my skull. I traveled painfully on foot, clutching my forehead and feeling like I would throw up at any moment.

By some miracle, I made it back home, but there was no one there; the house was empty. I collapsed with a pained groan on the sofa; relief from the torment was impossible - and I did try everything - so I just lay still, teeth clenched, covering my eyes with my hands, trying not to make it worse.

An hour or two dragged by, and I refused to move, refused to give my body another reason to punish me. I was used to pain, I'd been subjugated to more than my share of it in my life; but never for absolutely no reason. I was used to enduring pain while fighting to protect or to better myself, knowing the suffering would pay off in time, and relying on adrenaline to dull a large part of it.

Eventually, there was a change; but instead of the horrible migraine relinquishing its grip, it actually had the nerve to get _worse._ I couldn't help but cry out, jolting to sit up unsteadily; by the gods, it was unbearable, like a drill slowly boring into my head from all sides, the very walls of my skull felt like they would cave in. Beneath my skin, my blood turned red-hot, like spears of fire jabbing through my veins.

I couldn't explain it, but a deep sense of foreboding crept through me, and I got to my feet despite the internal torture; staggering out the door and mustering enough strength to try to fly again. Some primal sense in my pressurized mind told me that if I just followed the gut-feeling to the source, the agony would subside. And I had nothing else to go by, so I flew unsteadily; wishing to regain the ability to teleport.

.

.

It took me a long moment to realize I was flying for the dual ki-signatures of Vegeta... and Gohan. I can't explain why, but the second name brought a deep growl from my throat; and the closer I grew to the two of them, the more my head began to clear, to my relief.

I was about a dozen yards away when scent rushed into my nostrils. I could smell that the prince's unique scent – overlapped with my own when I'd kissed him and bitten him – was now tainted with the scent of the demi Saiyan, layered right on top of mine. Rage roared through me; though I wouldn't be able to easily explain where it came from, and I put on a burst of speed; one desire roaring in my mind, the desire to get rid of the challenge I was interpreting.

I collided with my target, not bothering to check my speed, instinctively attacking; choking the breath from my victim as I streaked towards the ground. My knees buckled as the hard earth came in harsh contact with my feet, but I paid no notice. Every inch of my skin felt like it was engulfed in flames, and I didn't even need the monster to feed the rage burning up from my stomach to spread throughout my body.

I slammed the traitorous demi's face in the dirt, wrenching his arms behind his back and twisting them mercilessly; just wanting to give the vermin a taste of the agony he had forced on me. He had no right to be so near to Vegeta; no right to touch him, no right to even _look_ at him.

"How dare you?" I snarled furiously, ignoring the muffled sounds of pain coming from the demi, "How _dare_ you!"

My quarry choked an unsteady breath and stammered fearfully, "How d-dare I what? What d…did I d-do?"

How could he ask that? Did he not realize the crime he'd committed?

"You know very well what you did!" I shouted, baring my teeth, "You touched what's mine, and for that you'll pay."

Distantly, I heard the sound of Vegeta's voice shouting at me, and I tuned it out, though some part of my mind was reproachful. I felt the prince try to drag my prey away from me, and I growled warningly and grabbed the demi before he could escape, accidentally hitting Vegeta in the midsection with my elbow in the process.

He stumbled with a grunt released between his teeth, and I felt concern slice through the barrier of instinctive anger for a moment; some visceral worry for the prince being elbowed with Saiyan strength in that particular area.

"S-stop it!" the prince spoke once he'd recovered his breath, pushing me away from the demi-Saiyan, "Kakarot, that's your son! Are you trying to ___kill_him?"

A snarl drew my lips back; Vegeta was _defending_ that criminal? I would not stand for that.

"Whose side are you on?" I demanded, enraged. I pointed a finger viciously at the demi-Saiyan trash, who'd fallen to the dirt once I released him, "_His?"_

"What are you _talking_ about?" Vegeta shouted, "Have you gone insane, Kakarot?"

He snarled at me, mirroring my bared teeth with his own in a feral challenge.

"_Me?"_ I retorted, outraged that he would suggest such a thing; _I _was _not _ the one at fault here! "If anything _you've_ gone insane! You belong to _me,_ Vegeta, not him!"

The prince stopped, his snarl falling away, leaving his expression totally blank.

"W-what did you say?" he asked shakily.

My eyes rolled impatiently; did I have to _spell_ it out to him? I dragged him over to me, swallowing a growl as I caught the scent of Gohan mixed with his, centered around his face, neck and chest. Had the half-Saiyan _kissed_ him? A fresh wave of anger swept through me, and I jerked Vegeta to the side irritably, sliding down the thin sleeve of his dark blue shirt – which had a conspicuous rip along the abdominal area, I might add – to display the bloody mark I'd left on his shoulder.

"See?" I growled, pointing a finger angrily at the bite mark, "_See?"_

The prince blinked at me once, "Yeah, you bit me." he muttered.

_Captain obvious..._ I thought bluntly.

Did Vegeta not understand how serious this was? Did he not understand that the demi who'd committed the crime must be punished for it? Did he not understand the agony I'd just gone through when that bastard kissed him?

The prince spoke again, and he sounded frustrated and angry, "Why don't you just leave like you did last time? You haven't made good on ___any_of your promises so far, so why don't you just go? I don't need you and neither does the baby!"

"No." I said instantly, a slight edge of trepidation finding its way into the word.

"Why not?" Vegeta countered, "Nothing's keeping you here!"

"You're wrong..." I protested unsteadily, "I c... I _can't_ leave..."

"What do you mean you _can't?_" Vegeta snapped, his dark eyes blazing, "You just did two hours ago!"

"Yeah, and ___every_second I was away from you was like a railroad spike being pounded into my skull!" I snarled, remembering the pain that had practically made me pass out with its intensity and ruthlessness, "I got the ___worst _headache ___ever,_and when ___my son kissed you _I felt like my blood was going to catch fire!"

"I kissed him first," the prince said smoothly.

My jaw very nearly dropped; _What, was I not enough for him? Why did he settle for such a meager substitute just _seconds_ after...?_

I let the thought trail off in favor of responding.

"And what in the godsdamned universe would make you want to do _that?_"

"_You_ weren't there." he shot back.

I fell dead silent, having no comeback for that.

I was aware in the back of my mind that Gohan was still there behind me; I wasn't finished taking out my anger on him, but that would have to wait.

Slowly I inhaled, and let it out with a sigh.

"I'm sorry." I said softly.

To my shock, he started shouting at me.

"You're _sorry?"_ he snarled, "That's _it?_ I'm just supposed to forgive you and go on with my life? As what, a possession?"

My response caught in my throat, sounding a little like a pleading sound. I didn't want him to be angry with me... but at the same time I knew he had damn good reason to be so.

Vegeta sighed resignedly, ""Kakarot, you've evaded every attempt I've made to try and get you to tell me the truth thus far. The closest I got was two hours ago when you bit me, and just now." he crossed his arms over his chest, "So tell me once and for all; what exactly do you feel for me, and why?"

"I..." I began, trying to think of a reply on the spot.

The prince shook his head, "Ah-ah, Kakarot," he chided, "Think first. Make sure you _know_ before you try to explain."

I bit my tongue to keep from giving a bitter rebuttal, quashing an urge to pounce on Gohan and commence with his punishment as he got to his feet unsteadily. I turned my gaze from the demi and tried to focus. The monster was quiet again, letting me make the next move on my own.

"I feel..." I said hesitantly; I was never good at explaining my feelings, "…___protective_of you… ___possessive_. Like I'd kill anyone that tried to hurt you," I shot a glare at the limping demi-Saiyan over my shoulder. "I feel like I ___should_be with you… but at the same time... I hate you."

He winced, but I wasn't done.

"I hate you for enslaving me," I said sharply, "...for manipulating me, for forcing me. I hate you for gloating, for humiliating me, for chasing me when I try to escape."

He never left me alone. He never gave me a moment to sort out what I was feeling before he crammed everything I _should_ feel down my throat. He never let me consider if I really did feel...

The thought trailed off, and I continued with my tirade.

"You're like a plague, Vegeta. You're everywhere at once, destroying as you go. So yes," I took a deep breath, "I hate you..."

I paused and sorted through the emotional tangle in my mind, trying to be certain. And there it was; the tiny flare of the emotion I'd only ever felt for one other person.

"But at the same time..." I said carefully, "...I love you."

TBC


	13. Chapter 13

Twists And Turns

Chapter 13

I watched the prince for a long time, studying the huge emotions crossing and recrossing his face. He'd always been so emotionless and cold when I knew him... I suppose this whole fiasco had caused him to undergo some identity changes too.

Silently, I waited for him to speak; to respond to my speech. I had known of a developing hate growing towards Vegeta, but it seemed over time it had merged with a warped idea of love. Just the emotion he had wanted me to feel. So then why was he so upset? I admit I hadn't laid the confession on him in a very pleasant way, but despite that I had been completely honest.

I only hoped the monster wouldn't resurface and make me say something I'd regret. It had been strangely quiet for now, and I wondered if I'd actually managed to suppress it myself...

Vegeta looked at me finally, and I could see the depthless conflict in his inky eyes. My gaze shifted to where the mark on his shoulder had reopened when he interfered with my attack on Gohan. A heavy drop of blood shivered on the edge of the torn skin before painting a red trail down his arm. I couldn't tear my eyes away.

"I have to go," he said carefully, averting his gaze. He leapt into the sky, and before I could think, I followed him.

"I'll go with you," I said instinctively; with a mix of the desire to be closer to him, and the primal concern for his wellbeing that had awakened -without my consent - rather suddenly.

"There's no need, Kakarot," he growled, glaring at me piercingly.

I shifted slightly, unnerved by his penetrating eyes. I was aware that he was dismissing me, telling me to get lost.

"If I leave," I said slowly, nervousness finding its way into the words somehow, "I'll get a migraine again..."

"No you won't," he snapped, "Because I'm _ordering_ you to."

So he was back to commanding people; probably a mood swing, but it was startlingly like his old arrogant self. I didn't have a moment to consider feeling offended by _him_ ordering _me_ to do something.

He didn't wait for me to respond, and left without another word, leaving his scent and his words lingering with me.

X

I glanced around for Gohan, unsure whether I was relieved or irritated to find him gone without a trace. I found his ki-signal in northern West City, where ChiChi had gotten an apartment with the help of Bulma's finances. He must have sought refuge there, knowing I wouldn't follow him. I felt a twinge of guilt that my son was afraid of me, but a sliver of the anger that had caused me to assault him forbade me from thinking too deeply on the matter.

On the more pressing thought of Vegeta, I found myself frustrated. I wanted him; despite my misgivings I admit I desperately thirsted for his blood, for his scent and taste and the heat of his body close to mine. But I would not go after him. He had sent me away, and I wouldn't humiliate myself trying to pursue him like he'd pursued me. Besides, a part of me still hated him.

I noted that Vegeta had made it safely to Capsule Corp by his resurfacing ki-signature. I fought back a growl of jealousy as I thought of Bulma there, waiting for him, perhaps to comfort him, or ask about the bleeding wound on his shoulder that made him look like he'd been attacked by a wild animal.

Despite the years I'd spent fighting alongside the prince, getting to know him little by little; and the more recent intimacy that had started this whole mess... Bulma still knew far more about Vegeta than I did. She would be able to read him and understand exactly what he was feeling, she would be able to soothe him and advise him if what he sought was guidance...

He trusted her. I didn't have a clue if he trusted me. Probably not, I'd given him no reason to.

Swallowing my indecisive emotions, I teleported home. Goten was there, upstairs in his room, but I paid him little mind.

I realized that I was a mess; my hands and the side of my jaw stained with Vegeta's blood from when I'd bitten him, dust and sweat clung to my skin and tangled my hair, the front of my jeans still bore the drying evidence of the effect a taste of royal blood had caused on my body.

I grimaced and walked into the bathroom to clean myself up. I passed the mirror as I crossed the tile floor, and as a force of habit I carefully ignored it, refusing to look at the stranger wearing my face again.

Muttering to myself halfheartedly, I switched on the shower, turned the hot water knob, and absently watched the steam permeate the room. I shed my filthy clothes and stepped under the spray of water, streams of it running down my back as I glanced at my own hands almost without noticing. Splotched with Vegeta's blood, more of it caked beneath my fingernails. My eyes slipped closed as I drew on the recent memory, the remembered fiery taste of the prince's lifeblood taunting me. Unconsciously, I touched my fingers to my lips and licked the dried blood from them. It was a pale comparison to the real thing, hot and rich and living; but even that was enough to draw a soft sound of longing from me as I sucked away every trace of the red heaven on my hands. It was gone much too quickly, and my mouth and throat began to ache, parched for another taste, just _one._.. The predictable words of an addict.

I had never touched a drug before in my life; and if this is what addiction was like, I was definitely going to keep it that way.

It was not a nice thing. When I say I craved the prince's blood, it automatically summons an idea of pleasure... but the reality was far from it.

When my teeth had broke the skin and Vegeta's blood had rushed into my mouth, it had overwhelmed me, overstimulating my senses and leaving them shell-shocked and dulled in its wake. Everything looked, smelled, and tasted bleak now. It was like the whole world had suddenly turned grey and I had no interest in it. Only the thought of being near the source of that surge of overpowering sensation brought me anticipation, or a shadow of happiness.

I was depressed, I knew that. And I suffered withdrawal. The longer I went completely without contact with the prince, the more I hurt, the more I sweated and twitched.

I sighed, and let the hot water pouring over me drench my hair and face, washing away grit and sticky perspiration. Remembering how that addictive blood had affected me had caused a throbbing to start in my gums again, urging me to sink my teeth into something, _anything._

Frustration brought a quiet growl from my throat. Vegeta was far beyond my reach, and not just physically; he was not an option for the disturbing bloodlust stirring in me. The thought of biting a human made me want to either laugh or vomit, I wasn't sure which. I was not a vampire, I reminded myself, and the only kind of blood that would cut it would have to be Saiyan...

I blinked twice slowly, my gaze moving down my water-streaked arm to my wrist. A faint blue vein steadily transporting blood to my heart... I felt a distant nudge of the monster somewhere in my mind, and I shakily brought my own wrist up to my mouth, hesitating for a long moment.

Thoughts emptied from my head, scattered like dust, and I delicately broke my skin with my teeth, a sharp stab of protesting flesh mixing with diluted satisfaction as a thin ribbon of blood ran down between my knuckles. I watched in semi-guilty fascination as two bright red drops spattered on the white tile of the shower floor, fading pink as the water washed them down the drain.

I moved my wrist away and glanced at the shallow puncture marks I'd made, the scarlet rivulets snaking down my arm... and I felt like I'd done something morally shameful.

But that didn't stop me from opening another set of bite marks a little to the left of the original, plunging my teeth a little deeper this time. Hot, thick, Saiyan blood dripped down the side of my forearm, staining the tiles beneath my feet with more crimson dots.

Long minutes went by; I bit my own wrists like some people cut them, hating myself as I relished the effortless break of skin beneath my teeth, the startlingly bright red blood running down my arms and disappearing down the drain. Hating myself for knowing that, despite my persistence, I was achieving nothing to truly satisfy myself. There was only one person who could give me that level of relief, and I wasn't willing to give in to that desire. I wasn't willing to let myself be that weak.

Still, it kept me from going insane with the addiction that was fueled by the monster's encouragement.

I swallowed half a senzu to clear the dark bite marks from my skin, guiltily crawling into bed and laying down exhaustedly.

.

.

Why had I let myself bite Vegeta before? It had triggered this new mess that was making me more miserable than I'd been in a long time... why had I given up my restraint so easily?

Did I somehow secretly hope that I could make him mine by claiming him like that? I knew what the bite meant, but I wasn't sure why I had gone that far...

The fact of the matter was... I wasn't sure if I did want Vegeta to belong to me... But I didn't have a lot of choice now... either way, I couldn't help but feel disgusted with myself.

Monster in my head or no, what kind of person ignored everything they knew of right and wrong and did something that stupid and catastrophic on an impulse?

Let alone attack their own son for it...? What kind of person did that?

_Me,_ I thought mutinously. And now that I'd gotten myself into this mess, I'd have to get myself out... on my own.

_Fall from grace... and who's going to catch you?_ The monster whispered absently. I ignored it.

In fact, I thought I should probably keep ignoring the monster from now on. It had caused me nothing but trouble... but it had also gotten me so close to the prince that I had actually admitted to loving.

Love? I snorted as I lay awake, no intention to sleep tonight with my mind so cluttered... What did I know of love? Not enough to keep my first, or hold onto my second, wherever he was now.

TBC

_((There's something kind of special I did in those last nine paragraphs... and if you can figure out what it is on your own, I'll give you a proverbial cookie. If not, feel free to ask, I'm really proud of it._

_Thanks for reading and reviewing, sorry this chapter was a short bunch of angst and barely any dialogue..._

_-Shinsun))_


	14. Chapter 14

Twists And Turns

Chapter 14

Hours passed. I was aware of Gohan returning home at about nine-thirty, and of him and Goten going to bed a little later. I sighed at the dark ceiling above my head. I had no intention of solving the dispute I'd caused with Gohan now, I had made my point; and once the anger that had had nothing to do with the monster had calmed, I had registered that I felt terrible about what I'd done.

Also I had more pressing matters in mind.

I glanced at my left wrist, where several faint white indentations still showed where I'd abused the skin with my own teeth. Half a senzu bean was enough to stop the bleeding and close the puncture marks, but it didn't erase everything; and I wasn't going to use a whole bean because it had seemed like overkill for such a small, self-inflicted injury.

For some reason, I felt like I'd done something very wrong – stark contrast to when I'd bitten Vegeta's shoulder; which had felt completely right, though I think I did regret the action itself, or my lack of thought during it ...But now I felt tainted and dirty...

_Is it always going to be like this?_ I thought uncertainly. I think I had a pretty good idea what it felt like to be a drug addict now. Knowing that even when I managed to quiet the need for it, it was only a matter of time before it returned full-force, even worse than before. And what would I do then? I was barely keeping myself sane as it was – well... about as sane as I could be, considering Piccolo mentioning a "split-personality" and the muttering of my little monster that was not so little anymore.

The simplest answer seemed to be to find Vegeta and admit how much I wanted – needed – to be close to him... to be close to the source of this twisted up addiction.

I snorted; not only did that sound shallow, selfish and desperate, but it would only make my situation _worse_ considering I still couldn't bear to look at myself in the mirror without wincing and turning away disgustedly. Giving in to what I wanted seemed to be the same as giving in to the monster, and I still had some fight left before I turned to that last resort. There were times when I couldn't force the monster back, but I hadn't surrendered to it completely... yet.

I'm sure it would have made Vegeta pretty happy if I admitted to desiring him – or more accurately, his blood and body – like this. But I think in the long run it would just make both of us miserable, and make me hate myself more than I already did.

Something dragged me away from my thoughts suddenly. It was like a warning bell, a plea and a feeling of deep distress rolled into one that I could almost _hear_, though it was obviously all in my head. Instinctively, I teleported; vanishing from my bed where I'd been neglecting sleep and re-materializing in an equally dark bedroom that wasn't mine.

I wasn't the least bit surprised that I had unconsciously brought myself right to Vegeta. Every time he was in danger, I instantly came to his aid without a thought, and I wasn't entirely sure why I could never stop myself from doing so.

….Only he wasn't in danger now.

Asleep, eyes tightly closed, he was clearly caught within a dream; his ki low and slightly fuzzy with sleep. I could sense fear radiating from him, and I hesitantly sat on the edge of the bed, watching him toss and turn in his dreams.

I didn't want to wake him; I can't explain it but for the moment, I didn't want him to know I was here. I just wanted to give myself a single second to look my fill before I tried to talk to him.

_He needs your help right now,_ the monster said softly, surprisingly patient, _That's why he called you here, are you going to give it to him or not?_

Since when was that sadistic, impulsive, angry monster on my side? I was confused; for something that had originated from a sense of rage, it sure did have a calmer mood sometimes... but why?

Sighing inaudibly, I looked at the sleeping prince and tried to direct my ki towards him, tapping into the instinctive protection I admit I now felt towards him to tune the energy, making it soothing and warm.

It didn't seem to work, in any case, Vegeta's expression was still distraught as he thrashed in his sleep. I supposed he had to be conscious to interpret a ki signal, and he wasn't tied to my emotions like I was to his...

After a moment, he jerked awake, eyes snapping open only to fill with tears as he hid his face and sobbed wrenchingly.

Slightly unsure, I let his emotions wash over me to try to make sense of them. Anguish, terror, hopelessness... isolation? His back was to me, so I couldn't see the full extent of his expression, but his low level of ki was absolutely chaotic.

I remained silent, having no idea what I should do.

Eventually, Vegeta's energy balanced itself, though he was still distressed and extremely upset.

Slowly, he turned over, and his confused eyes connected with mine.

"K-Kakarot?" he asked disbelievingly, in little but a whisper, "What are you doing here?" He sat up unsteadily, his dark eyes alive with emotion and uncertainty.

"What does it look like?" I asked levelly, my voice neutral and quiet, "You needed me here, so here I am."

I remembered that he'd sent me away, all but told me to leave. Maybe I was defying him by returning on my own, but I can't say I cared about following his orders.

"What do you mean I -?" the prince began.

"I could feel it... in my head." I interrupted, touching a fingertip to my forehead, "It was like you were begging me to come. I thought I'd have to save your ass again, so I IT'd here."

Not consciously, but I had automatically come to his rescue... It turned out there wasn't a lot of rescuing for me to do... but I wasn't about to leave and return to my impossible thoughts and my empty bed.

I thought about that last part. I had assumed I was so drawn to Vegeta after ChiChi left because it was instinct, because he was deliberately tempting me, or because the monster was urging me to be so... never once did I consider that I might have grown lonesome. I had never had a problem with sleeping alone before... but then, I had never lost quite so much genuine companionship quite so quickly all at once before... In fact, I don't think I'd ever really lost someone I cared about because of something I'd done or become. Now I'd lost nearly everyone, except a select few that seemed to understand me, like Piccolo and Gohan; and the latter probably despised me since I'd attacked him.

"It's the middle of the night," Vegeta said shortly, and I blinked away my grim musings, returning to the conversation.

"Doesn't matter," I muttered, glancing at the winking red digits of the clock beside Vegeta's bed; it was long after midnight, "If you were on Namek at three a.m. and you needed my help, I'd go there, regardless of what I was doing."

Of course, I probably wouldn't _choose_ to do that, but either way, it seemed I was programmed to respond like that when he was in trouble. There wasn't a lot I could do about it.

"So why did you need me this time?" I asked, trying to get information about the dream... what was it about that had caused him such dread and anguish? "Obviously I'm not here to rescue you."

"I didn't even realize that I was..." he began quietly, trailing off.

Apparently he hadn't noticed that he was essentially calling for help in his sleep; that made sense, but it didn't answer my question.

"It was just a dream." he said shortly after a moment.

A slightly dejected look crossed his face; as if he expected me to leave once I learned there was no real threat. I'd already known that; I'd known that the minute I teleported here. But as long as he wasn't sending me away again, I wasn't going to leave just because I didn't have to defend him against some kind of danger. The monster was quiet, my conflicted thoughts were calmed for now, and I was within close proximity of the person I'd been needing to be close to for hours... I wasn't going anywhere.

I moved so that I was kneeling on the foot of the bed, carefully meeting Vegeta's eye for acceptance. I wanted to be nearer to him, even if I couldn't go any further right now. It would be enough just to breathe his serene scent and feel his steady body heat. If I could have that much, I silently swore I wouldn't ask for anything else.

Vegeta nodded once slowly, and after a moment's hesitation, I crawled over and lay down next to him, a few inches of space separating us. Immediately, I felt better. Like the feverish demand that had anchored into my body since I marked the prince had been soothed, just by being near him. I let my eyes close peacefully and laced my own fingers on my stomach, relaxing in the lull.

I remembered why I was here, and spoke without opening my eyes.

"What was it about?" I asked quietly.

"What?" Vegeta asked, as if startled out of a deep thought.

"The dream," I said, trying to picture his expression as he spoke, relying on my other senses besides vision to paint the picture, "What was it?"

He was silent for a long moment, and I could feel his ki dip with unhappiness.

"Nothing," There was a definite, bitter spritz of dishonesty in his voice, "Don't worry about it."

I laughed softly, more like a sigh than a real laugh.

"If you're going to lie, save it for someone else," I muttered with my eyes still closed, "I can sense that you're not telling the truth and that you're actually pretty worked up about this. So tell me and get it off your chest."

Again, he was quiet for a few seconds, and I could feel that he was unnerved, perhaps at my perceptiveness.

He took a deep inhalation, and I could sense him gathering his courage, "In the dream... I... I lost the baby." I could hear the tremble in his voice, and knew how difficult it was for him to admit that such a thing had truly scared him.

I opened one eye slowly, then the other; I wanted to look in his eyes to understand the mixed emotions I was interpreting.

Vegeta began to speak again, and I could see and hear how progressively hard it was getting for him to say each word, "The sheets were red, and the baby's ki was gone. Dead. Lost. I…. got scared," I stared, I had rarely, if at all, witnessed the arrogant prince admitting fear like that. "I knew I had failed, but more than that… I…. I knew I had lost the most important thing in the world to me… and it t-tore me apart…"

He covered his mouth with a fist to mute the sob that I could sense was building, his dark eyes bright with unshed tears.

_Gods, when did he become so vulnerable?_ I thought absently, an urge to protect thrumming throughout my body. All I wanted was to comfort him, though I wasn't sure that want really belonged to me. It was instinctual, but I decided to act on it anyway.

I wrapped an arm around his shoulder, my fingers rejoicing to be coming in contact with his warm skin, and I brought him closer to me, laying his head gently on my chest. His scent rushed into my nostrils straight to my brain, and I started purring as he breathed shakily, the wetness of his tears pricking my shirt. I threaded a hand slowly through his hair, marveling at how soft it was, as I attempted to soothe him at my body's command.

"Shh," I whispered, stroking my fingers through his hair again, "It's okay... everything will be okay..."

I wanted to take him in my arms and kiss the breath out of him, but I forced myself to remember my restraint. I wasn't even supposed to think that way after what I'd done the last time I had caved.

_This is for him... not myself..._ I thought, my purr rumbling softly against the prince's ear pressed to my chest. After a few moments, he fell asleep, and I could sense in his ki and stabilized emotions that I had done my job well.

Still, as I continued purring even after he drifted into sleep, I couldn't help but submerge myself in his scent, the heat of his body, the indescribable texture of his hair against my fingers.

It wasn't long before my eyes closed and I fell asleep as well. And I didn't realize it then, but it was the first time I'd actually slept in a month.

X

I awoke a few scant hours later; it was early in the morning. I felt amazingly renewed after actually getting some rest, and I carefully extricated myself from the still-sleeping prince and left the room without a sound.

Bulma and Trunks were getting ready for work and school, and I alerted them of my presence before heading into the kitchen to make some food. I was actually hungry; after weeks of negligence and disinterest, I actually _wanted _to eat something. I was almost inclined to call it a miracle, and I caught myself smiling as I filled two plates with food; one for Vegeta, as he'd be waking up soon, and my instinctual nature was commanding me to provide him with sustenance. I didn't even resent that instinct, and I thanked the mailman as he dropped off the newspaper at Capsule Corp's door, slipping said newspaper under my arm to bring to Bulma's room – which was technically Vegeta's too.

I felt like a new person, and the monster was completely silent, almost as if it approved of my current good mood.

I was walking up the stairs, careful to avoid spilling the full tray of food I carried, and something very solid crashed into me, nearly knocking the whole thing out of my hands. I glanced at Vegeta in time to see him lose his balance, looking at me as he stumbled in utter disbelief.

"Jeez, Vegeta, look where you're going." I muttered without heat, helping him stand straight and adjusting the tray in my grip.

He blinked at me once, bemused. I wondered why he was so startled, and by feeling his emotions, I could sense that he was amazed that I had stayed here after the night.

"What are you doing?" he asked blankly after a moment. I think he'd meant to say 'what are you doing _here?'_

"Bringing food," I said simply, gesturing with my free hand at the large tray I held in my other, "I got hungry, and I figured you'd be too."

He was Saiyan, and Saiyans were hungry nearly all the time; unless they were fighting an addiction to a prince and a monster in their head. But for the moment, both were quieted, so I reverted back to my Saiyan nature when it came to food.

Vegeta nodded slowly, and followed me as I took the remaining stairs back to the bedroom and laid the food tray on the bedside table, tossing the newspaper to the side of it for Bulma to read when she returned home. I sat down on the bed and placed the two plates of food there as well. After a second, Vegeta joined me, seeming a little uncertain.

I lay back leisurely and put a strawberry in my mouth, savoring the sweet fruit after so many days without tasting such things. It seemed the effect of my withdrawal was wearing off, and I was taking interest in what I saw and tasted again. I assumed it was because I was still near Vegeta, sating my need for his presence so that other, more basic, needs of my body could be reawakened.

After a while, the prince set his plate down on the floor and lay down, folding his arms behind his head distantly as he looked at the ceiling. I could sense that he was deep in thought, something that put a frustrated dent between his eyebrows; I wasn't going to pry to find out exactly what he was thinking about, though I'm pretty sure I could have if I wanted to.

I expelled my breath silently, "It can't stay like this... _We_ can't stay like this" I said carefully.

Vegeta nodded twice, still not looking at me, "What are you going to do about it?"

It could have been a challenge; pressing for some explanation for my changes in action and word alike, and asking where to go from here. It felt a bit like a stalemate, this momentary respite from conflict, but it also felt like a relief.

"Me?" I asked, "I'm not sure." At least that was the truth. "What are you going to do, Vegeta?"

He leaned on one elbow and looked at me calculatingly, waiting for me to catch on to the almost teasing vibe in his ki. I couldn't hold back the grin that pulled at my lips as I sensed his grim amusement.

"Oh, I don't know Kakarot," he said sarcastically, almost mockingly, "Maybe_ have a fucking baby?_"

At first I laughed, joining in his blunt sense of humor for a moment as I sat up slowly.

And then the seriousness of that remark caught up to me and I stopped. Behind the brief amusement was a whole lot more emotion that he was hiding from me. Maybe even hiding from himself.

"Are you scared?" I asked softly.

He sighed, "It's not going to be easy, that much I know."

"At least you won't be alone," I said, a half-reminder of my promise to stay with him through this ordeal. Even if I couldn't give him what he really wanted from me, I could offer that much.

"That I won't," Vegeta agreed in monotone, "And what will you do when this is all over, Kakarot? One way or the other?"

I thought about it. I wasn't sure I'd be able to tear myself away from the prince if my addiction withstood the course of this pregnancy. Even if it didn't, I doubted I would vanish from his life. There was something about two all-powerful Saiyans that caused them to bump into each other even unintentionally, and I was certain Vegeta wouldn't give up that easily if I did manage to leave him. As far as I could see, I was stuck with this unless some cataclysmic event caused a change in the status quo.

"...I'll do what I have to." I said eventually, glancing at him, "...And you?"

He snorted, "I'll either spend the next eighteen years or so trying not to screw up the completely unfamiliar process of raising a child, or I'll never speak to anyone again and crawl into a hole and die... What a bright future."

That last remark sounded more defeated than anything else, and I felt a small rush of sympathy, despite myself.

"Oh come on, it won't end like that." I argued, trying to lighten the dampening mood.

"Those are the only two options, Kakarot." he muttered, "Succeed or fail, either way I lose."

That sounded a lot like my current situation... Whatever choice I made, it did little to impact the overall outcome. Seems the prince was in the same boat.

"You only lose if you don't succeed," I said slowly, trying to console him instinctively, "That's the definition of failure."

He looked thoughtful, and eventually just looked away.

I felt a purr start in my chest again, a primal desire to alleviate his uncertainty.

Vegeta's nerves were as frayed as mine were, and I had the feeling both of us were slowly becoming much the same creature, experiencing varying highs and lows but either way scarcely able to react. Relying on other means to make decisions for us; whether those means were fate... or the quiet whisperings of a monster.

TBC


	15. Chapter 15

Twists And Turns

Chapter 15

I couldn't think of a reason not to stay. There was nothing for me at home except solitude and conflict; and the boys would be fine under the care of ChiChi, they didn't need a reclusive, twisted excuse for a father hanging around and providing nothing for them. And I sensed that I was most needed here with Vegeta. After all, I had told him that I would stay with him as pregnancy ran its course with him, and honestly I wanted to do nothing more. It was frustrating being so close to him and forcing myself not to act on it, but it was also relieving somehow. There were times when I would wake up in his bed and just draw his scent from the sheets and pillows into my nose leisurely, relishing the warmth that spread through my body at the addictive smell.

There was a consequence for that, for submersing myself in my addiction over and over each morning and night... and it was that – being so close to the prince so frequently and willingly looking at him and enjoying his scent – I easily grew aroused, even when not in his presence, and hiding this fact as well as finding some relief from it was difficult. But I don't think Vegeta knew what he was doing to me. He had his own problems to deal with right now.

While the weekend drew close and Bulma and Trunks both talked about how they were going to spend it away from home, the prince was waking earlier and earlier in the morning with a churning stomach, disregarding me entirely in favor of staggering to the bathroom to empty it. I would often awaken to the sound of him coughing and heaving down the hall, and sensing his discomfort and disgust brought out my protective side even more, I just wanted to alleviate that unpleasant side-effect that pregnancy was causing in him, but there was nothing I could do. And though he never made any inclination that he even wanted help from me... I doubt he noticed that I silently steadied him by feeding him some of my ki whenever he emerged from the bathroom, giving him strength to carry on in the mornings.

He stayed in his room for much of the day, likely not wanting to speak to Bulma or Trunks with his unpredictable moods, and not wanting to be in the presence of food of any sort lest it upset his fragile stomach. ...Meanwhile I struggled to not be a nuisance as I stayed in Bulma's house. She said more than once that I was welcome here, but I still felt slightly guilty for intruding on her home without being invited.

Once or twice she spoke to me about Vegeta, mostly just saying that she was concerned about him and asking me for my take on what was happening to him. I told her what I knew, which wasn't much in this regard, and that I was doing what I could to help him. Aside from the morning sickness and the moods, there was no visible effect on him from being pregnant, and though I glimpsed him without a shirt more than once over the course of the week, I still couldn't make out the faint curve of his abdomen that I knew I would be able to feel if I were to reach out and touch.

The weekend came, and on Friday afternoon, Bulma and Trunks both left; Bulma to go on a business trip, and Trunks to stay at his grandparents' house, as I was told he sometimes did on weekends. I was alone in the house with Vegeta... and that thought itself brought on so many dawning impulses and unwise musings that I found that I couldn't stay there at the moment. But I didn't go far. I went outside to train, to try to lessen the tension of my muscles and loosen the knot of my mind. Attacking invisible opponents and banishing quiet desires from my head, I spent two hours just sparring with the air. And I felt much better as I walked back inside; out of breath and sweating, but relaxed.

When night fell, I went to Vegeta to ask if he wanted anything for dinner, and a look of nausea crossed his face as he told me to just go out to eat. I did as he said, though I felt bad for leaving him alone like that.

I returned to find the lights off, the prince asleep upstairs. I slipped into bed with him, emptying the automatic perking up interest at the closeness of him from my mind like I always did. After a few minutes, he moved unconsciously over to me and snuggled up close, a light, contented purr emanating from his chest. I didn't have the heart to move him or otherwise refuse, and if I could ease the protective urges thrumming through me by letting him curl up to me, I supposed I really shouldn't complain about it.

.

.

The next morning dawned with rain hammering on the windows, coming down in sheets from the glowering grey sky. I sighed softly and turned over in the bed, finding Vegeta absent as he always was in the mornings. The indentation where he'd been sleeping was still warm though, so he must have just gotten up. It wasn't long before I heard the telltale sound of the bathroom door closing, and I swallowed an instinctive rush of pity, glancing at the window streaked with pouring water. It appeared I would be stuck in the house with him today, and I felt a strange mix of reluctance and delight at the thought. I think the latter was the monster getting ideas in its – or _my,_ I guess – head.

I shook off the opposing emotions and got up, changing into a pair of black jeans and a faded wife beater... and again, I had to pause and notice the change in my choice of clothing. It was a minor change compared to the ones of identity and habit, but I could tell that both Bulma and Vegeta had noticed, though neither said anything about it. Still I could sense that the prince, for one, was pleased, and I had often caught him watching me with something like fascination, as if he were admiring how the noticeably tighter and more form-fitting clothes showed off muscle deliberately, muscle that the baggier orange gi had almost hidden from view. I began to wonder if it was the monster influencing this switch in preference, but the prince's attentions certainly did something for my rather new ego... though I wasn't sure if I should disregard him or not, considering I still refused to act on the monster's wishes otherwise. Whatever. I liked the new clothes, and I didn't see a point in stressing over something so insignificant.

I figured I should do something so that Vegeta and I wouldn't be completely bored today, and though the rain was making me feel a little pent-up with the object of my internal battle remaining so close to me, I decided to make the day better instead of worse for it.

Remembering what ChiChi had done in the past when the boys were stuck inside on stormy days, I took a blanket from Bulma's closet and headed downstairs. I spread the comforter on the floor in front of the huge flat screen TV, and opened the cabinet beneath it, thumbing through a large collection of DVDs for the one I sought. I wasn't sure if Bulma had a copy...

My eyes landed on a familiar title and I grinned; of course she did. The woman was rich, and she had thousands of movies.

I wondered how Vegeta would react...

It seemed overly simple and even stupid to just watch movies on a day where rain pelted relentlessly outside, and for a moment I thought Vegeta might sneer at me for suggesting such a thing. To my slight surprise, he was reluctant, but not scornful, and he agreed after a little persuasive reasoning.

He joined me on the blanket I'd placed in front of the television, and flipped a DVD box over curiously.

"What's all this about?" he asked perplexedly.

This is what ChiChi does on rainy days;" I explained, putting a disc in the player and sitting down next to the prince, resting my back against the couch behind me. "It's the only way to get the boys to behave when they're both stuck inside."

He looked at me, raising an eyebrow, "And you assume you have to pull out the big guns to get me to 'behave'?"

Oh gods, the stress he put on that last particular word was interpreted in the worst way by the fidgeting monster in my head.

"No," I said simply, shoving the thought aside, "But it beats sitting around doing nothing."

He still looked skeptical, but he said nothing.

"Trust me," I said slowly, and at the time, I didn't realize how much I really _wanted_ him to trust me. I hadn't exactly cared how he reacted to me lately, but now I somehow felt I actually wanted his approval.

I was a little uncertain when the movie started, and Vegeta remained expressionless and doubtful for much of it. I was nervous. I had chosen a film that was one of the boys' favorites, a comedy called _Monty Python and the Holy Grail;_ I had figured that the jokes would be easy for even a prince to appreciate, and that the ridiculous king character in it might spark some amusement from him.

At first I thought I had failed there, but about halfway through the movie, at a particular line or other, he burst out laughing; not the usual arrogant snicker I'd heard from him on a regular basis, but an actual genuinely-amused explosion of mirth.

After that I loosened up a bit, and I left briefly to get a bowl of fruit and some soda, remembering that Bulma said it helped with the nausea. I wouldn't think of making popcorn or anything with the prince's unstable appetite, and beer was out of the question.

Vegeta seemed relaxed, like he was starting to enjoy himself, and I handed him a can of soda, which he opened as he watched a scene of the movie with furrowed eyebrows, as though trying to guess where the ludicrous plot was going.

"Kakarot," he said eventually.

I brought my soda to my lips and responded, "Hmm?"

"Can you explain something to me?"

I was unsure for a moment, wondering what he could want to know, and I set my soda can down slowly.

"Sure, what?"

"If humans can create time machines and super computers and capsule technology," he said, "...why go through all the trouble to make things like this?" he gestured at the screen in time for one of the characters to say '_with... a herring!'_

"Well it was made a long time ago, just for fun. Besides, not all humans can make stuff like that..." I hesitated before adding, "What's your point? What does that have to do with anything?"

"Nothing," he replied, "I'm just curious as to how humans have survived this long if they invest their time in something as asinine as 'The Knights of Ni'."

I blinked once, and then started laughing.

Vegeta crossed his arms over his chest, "What's funny?"

"Sorry Vegeta, but that was just so ___you."_ I said.

So passed the afternoon. The rain didn't let up all day, and when the first movie ended, I put in a different one, leaning back and closing my eyes leisurely. Hours went by, but I barely noticed, and I was able to forget for a moment all the things that had been eating at me for a month or so. It was a very trivial way to reach respite, but I was thankful for it either way.

After a long while, another movie ended, and I stretched, lifting my arms over my head and savoring the pull of muscle. I glanced at Vegeta, about to ask if we should watch something else or stop for today, and I was startled as he leaned over and kissed me.

Yes, I was startled, but about ninety-eight percent of my brain was ecstatic, and the urges I'd been suppressing all day reawakened. I wanted to kiss him back, to devour him, to reopen the mark on his shoulder and drown in the taste of his blood, to take it even further and fuck him hard into the floor, I could almost remember what it had felt like to be inside him...

The remaining two percent of my brain snapped me back to sanity, and I pushed him away, breathing unsteadily and aching with ignored desire. Vegeta made a soft sound of argument, trying to reconnect our lips, and I stood while I could still think, before I lost myself and gave in.

"No, Vegeta." I said dully, unable to put spite or disapproval that I didn't feel into the words.

"Why?" the prince asked quietly.

I looked at him in dismay, unable to deny that I wanted him... I wanted him very badly. And I hated myself for that. Hated that I couldn't make myself give him up.

"Did you think we were –? That you could just -?" I sighed and held the bridge of my nose in frustration, "It's only ever lead to trouble in the past. And I always end up regretting it."

"Why?" he repeated, looking reproachful.

"I don't like to say no to you... It makes my head hurt and leaves a bad taste in my mouth." I said, "But I draw the line here. I'll stay with you; I'll protect you and help you get through this. I'll even cook your meals, if you like. But I'll go no further. I don't want it to end up like last time." I let my gaze fall on the mark on his shoulder. I didn't want to make a mistake I'd regret again, I didn't want to do something _worse_, and I didn't want to do something so stupid without the prince's consent... again.

I had caused us both a lot of pain and difficulty when I marked him, and I didn't want to cause even more... It just felt wrong to want him, I couldn't explain why, but I wasn't going to question it.

TBC


	16. Chapter 16

Twists And Turns

Chapter 16

The weekend drew to a close, and I distanced myself from Vegeta. I barely noticed when Bulma and Trunks returned home, but neither seemed surprised or opposed that I was still here.

After Vegeta had kissed me, I realized something. It was never going to stop. My bottled desire for the prince, and his blatant desire for me... it wasn't something that would simply fade away, much as I tried to ignore it. And the half-relationship we had right now was not going to last... nothing that unstable could remain without balancing itself somehow. And I was afraid of that. I couldn't see the future, and I felt like I was blindly running into something I couldn't foresee... no matter what I did, I wouldn't be able to stop it.

I was alone far more often now that I had been since I decided to stay here at Capsule Corp. I didn't want to be near Vegeta – well... I did... every facet of my being wanted to be near him... but I felt that I shouldn't be. My arguments for avoiding him were pretty weak though, and were growing weaker as time passed. I couldn't justify anymore why I refused to give in, but that just made me more frustrated, and fueled my attempts to deny the ceaseless want in my veins.

After a few days, Bulma asked to talk to me. I conceded because I couldn't see why not, and to be honest I had missed the amiable conversation with my friend... In fact, it had been a long time since I'd seen any of my friends at all. I doubted they would even recognize me now.

I sat down across from her in the living room; on the arm of my chair to deliberately make myself uncomfortable... every time my body was comfortable and relaxed these days it started to get aroused, and I couldn't have that. I think it was because I was now almost constantly in the vicinity of Vegeta, constantly bombarded by his scent and ki and overwhelming _presence..._ It didn't take a lot of imagination to interpret it like that... and it was more than my body could handle.

"Can I ask you something, Goku?" Bulma began, taking a sip of coffee and scrutinizing me.

"...Sure," I said, unable to come up with a reason why I should refuse.

"You're not... _happy_ right now, are you?" she asked.

I sighed and averted my gaze, "It's that obvious?" I answered her question with another.

"I just...I don't think I've seen you smile since..." she trailed off, "...in a long time. Are you mad at Vegeta?"

I bit my tongue hard to stop the automatic retort of the monster, trying to sort out what I myself actually felt.

A long moment passed, and I let my breath out slowly, "Yes." I said.

She raised a slender blue eyebrow, setting down her coffee mug, "Why?"

_Because I... I can't stand being away from him... and I can't stand being close to him...and I'm scared... of what he's doing to me..._

"It's complicated." I muttered.

She was silent for a moment, seeming to study me like she'd studied so many scientific projects...

"...Did you know?" she asked after a while.

I blinked, "Know what?"

"When you and Vegeta... you know..." she gestured vaguely with her hands, and I suppressed a shiver of restricted desire. _Oh, I know all right..._

"Did you know what the outcome would be? Did you know he could get pregnant?" she continued.

I took a moment to calm down; despite how uncomfortable I'd made myself, a certain area of my body was still taking interest in the implications of her words, in a leg-crossing way.

She looked at me steadily until I finally lifted my gaze to meet hers, "...No." I said shortly.

"You didn't do it on purpose?" she pried.

I almost laughed, but the question was far from humorous, "Absolutely not." I said, a little bit sharply.

"One more question," she went on, looking at me piercingly, "Did you hurt him?"

I didn't allow myself to think about it, to delve into that hazy memory that I'd buried for my own good.

I stood up quickly, with finality, "Why don't you ask him?" I muttered, walking away without waiting for a response.

X

I no longer joined the prince in his bed at night; that had stopped the day he kissed me, and I was back to not sleeping again. I was all but given the sofa by Bulma, but I rarely lay there. Most nights I would stand on the balcony and just watch the stars without seeing them. I hated that I was slipping back into depression, but I didn't know how to stop it... and disinterest came back over me after a while. I didn't want to eat, I didn't want to talk to people, and the world was grey again.

Something changed about Vegeta. Not a momentous change, it was a tiny physical change... not even, it was just a change of clothing. He didn't wear everything spandex anymore, but instead wore loose T-shirts, likely because the skintight clothes were getting uncomfortably tight. I would glimpse him occasionally just walking down the hall, and the looser collar of the new shirts would shift with his stride, providing a display of the bite mark on his shoulder whenever he took a step... as though deliberately tempting me.

Still I avoided him, and even avoided eye contact and conversation, wary of him and wary of myself.

The monster had been suspiciously quiet, and I was beginning to wonder if it was planning something... it left me alone for the most part except for whispering and commenting occasionally on the events of each day.

After a while I grew irritated with how pathetic I'd let myself become again, and I made a resolution to at least _try_ to get back some of the relative equilibrium I'd achieved when I let myself get closer to Vegeta before. I forced myself to meet his eye, to even speak to him once or twice, though I kept my words small and used uncomplicated subjects... more for my own benefit than his. I didn't want to stir up trouble again...

My protective urges hadn't faded, and they did in fact show up later that week. I had been on the landing of the stairs when I saw the prince stumble, and instinctively reached out and caught him from behind before he fell. I felt his ki swing with a surprising bolt of pleasure, and I didn't have a second to register confusion before Vegeta whirled around and grabbed my bangs, his lips latching desperately onto mine without warning.

Gods, I thought I would explode. It was too much of a conflicted moment, too much pressure and uncertainty and doubt... Too many sleepless nights, too many impossible questions... and the kiss was the cherry on top that tipped the whole thing over.

The monster butted in, flaring my ki without my consent, but I didn't fight it. I was too shell-shocked and frozen to resist, even as I tried to escape, to push Vegeta away to regain some of my sanity, he just took the hand in his own and brought it between us. I was swamped with the instinctive desire titillating my exhausted body... but instead I fed off the monster's anger, transforming to Super Saiyan two, lightning flickering around my skin, my hair turning to pale blonde in Vegeta's grip. His dark eyes opened slowly, carefully, and I summoned a glare, wanting nothing more than to simply disappear. I couldn't do this anymore.

I gripped his shoulder to try and force him away from me, and he released me, his eyes hazed with a need I ignored. As soon as my lips were free of his I pulled my hair out of his grasp, retreating several stairs backwards. I was breathing hard and shaking, my teeth aching to bite something, the monster not whispering, but shouting in my head. Demanding I take control of the situation.

"Dammit, Vegeta," I snarled, "_I told you no!"_

The prince looked perplexed, as if reality was just now catching up to him.

"Kakarot, I-" he swallowed hard, "I d-didn't mean to, I swear –"

"It doesn't matter;" I retorted angrily, "I. Told. You. _No._"

He didn't respond as I expected him to...

"Make up your mind!" he shouted, "___You _kissed me first, remember? Every fiber in your body is telling me yes, only ___you _keep saying no!"

"And for good reason!" I countered sharply.

But that was the end of Vegeta's patience.

"_What reason?" _he demanded, "You've got nothing to be scared of, ___you're _the one that got ___me _pregnant!"

I didn't think.

"I'm not scared of anything!" It was all I could do to put conviction into the words.

...That the prince would suggest that I was guilty of such cowardice caused rage to boil in my veins, even if I knew he was completely right. I was afraid... but I couldn't admit it.

Vegeta did not back down, "_Prove_ it!" he shouted, his voice shaking with anger, "___Prove _you're not terrified that I'll bite you back! ___Prove _you're not dead-scared of commitment of any kind! ___Prove _you're not just too afraid to be in love with me! Prove it, Kakarot, 'cause I'm sure not seeing it!"

I just stared at him. I couldn't prove any such thing... and I could already feel the carefully constructed facades and walls that I'd kept up for so long beginning to crumble. I had to do something or Vegeta would see what I'd been trying to hide all this time... and once my defenses fell away, I would have nothing to protect me from myself...

___I'm sorry__... ____but this is for the good of both of us._

"You want proof?" I forced my voice to remain steady, to not betray my true emotions

My hand drew back almost of its own accord and struck the prince viciously across the cheek with a resounding crack. I felt skin break beneath the force.

There was a second's dead silence... and then insanity. Everywhere in my head there was shouting; the monster demanding I make use of the force I had just exerted, to use it properly and give into what had been nagging at me for almost a month... and every protective, defensive impulse and instinct I had ever felt was raging at me, berating me for daring to hurt Vegeta and punishing me for it with bolts of agony grabbing mercilessly at my brain.

I looked up to see Bulma and Trunks rush into the room, both looking frantic. Then my gaze was drawn painfully to Vegeta. His expression was one of total shock; and his cheek where I'd slapped him was slick and dripping with blood, but with the outraged chaos in my mind, I wasn't allowed to remember a desire for the taste of it. I felt sickened.

I couldn't take it anymore, "It's over, Vegeta." I forced out, gathering my ki and teleporting, already expecting and strangely almost welcoming the stabbing migraine that instantly descended on me as I left the prince behind.

X

My eyes were burning, and I sank to my knees upon rematerializing in my empty house; tears welling up and then falling unchecked down my face. I couldn't remember the last time I had cried...not since I was a young child... and I had almost forgotten what it felt like. The ache in my throat and the blurring of my eyes... Gasping sobs so deep and wrenching that they strained my ribs kept wracking my chest whenever I tried to breathe. My head was pounding, pressure and pain battering the walls of my skull, and my fingers tangled in my hair in frustration and anguish.

_I'm sorry... I'm sorry..._ I didn't know who deserved those words from me most... I had failed and hurt and betrayed so many of the people I was close to.

TBC

_((It's been a while since I updated this story I guess... I was so unfocused when I wrote this, so I didn't put up as much effort as I could have... oh well. _

_Thanks for reading and reviewing, I love you guys._

_-Shinsun))_


	17. Chapter 17

Twists And Turns

Chapter 17

My skin felt like lead. Heavy, dragging and painful, pressurizing every throbbing artery and aching muscle to the point of bursting or falling apart. I couldn't bear to stay still though, and I got to my feet unsteadily, pacing just to give some kind of action to my exhausted body. Hatred burned up through my chest like acid, but to my slight surprise it wasn't directed at the prince I'd abandoned. In the moment; I completely and utterly hated myself.

Every mistake I'd made and wrong turn I'd taken crashed over me in those brief moments. Everything I'd said, everything I'd done... and I felt disgusted. I wished I could take more than half of it back, but at the same time there were things that I was guiltily glad I'd had the nerve to do. Like telling ChiChi to take a hike. Only when she was gone had I realized how much she'd treated me like something unpleasant on the bottom of her shoe; even before all this madness had started, she had never appreciated me at all. I would understand if she treated me like that _now_, but I hadn't been such a bitter person back then... and yet she had still disrespected and even degraded me on a daily basis. I wondered how I'd put up with it for so long without noticing...

I didn't know what to do. The thought of being around anyone of any kind sent a flash of anger through me; but I couldn't stand to be alone anymore. It was so loud in my head that I could barely hear myself think; and the few times I could, the thoughts I managed to hear scared me senseless.

My mind turned unconsciously to Vegeta. I should have guessed it would. The shock in his gaze when I'd slapped him - when he realized I was about to leave him again – stayed imprinted in my memory. In closing my eyes I could sense what he was feeling now; confusion, panic, desperation... Guilt twisted in me sharply, but I ignored it. I couldn't go back to him now seeking forgiveness; I would end up where I started, and honestly nothing had changed in this stalemate of ours. My fuse of patience had run out, but I still felt the same morbidly conflicted things for the prince. Complex anger, twisted love, warped hate; and a strange stab of jealousy. What I had to be jealous of concerning Vegeta, I didn't truly know. But I had a feeling that it had something to do with his relative freedom compared to mine. And the fact that – hormones or not – he hadn't changed all that much throughout this whole thing... He wasn't being _forced_ to change.

I stopped pacing suddenly, a chill of dread that I couldn't explain slithering down my spine. I could feel a throbbing beginning in my temples, warning me that something was wrong.

I have a hard time describing what happened right then. It was as if something had reached into my head with clawed hands and started rapidly unraveling things, penetrating thoughts that were solely mine and destroying emotions, feelings, attachments...

I felt my heart stop. Agony gripped me, bringing the taste of blood to my throat as I heard myself scream in protest, my teeth gritting together so hard that I was distantly surprised that none of them broke. Fundamental things; the things keeping me breathing and functioning every day, were mercilessly severed. I had never before realized how much I'd come to rely on Vegeta's presence in my mind, on feeling his emotions comforting my own and knowing what he was thinking when I couldn't count on myself.. until all those things were ripped away. Like a sinister vacuum, the purge sucked out every link I had to the prince, sucking out a sizable portion of what was left of my soul with it.

The monster awoke with a jolt, spreading blind panic and fury through my veins, blotting out conscious thought. All I knew was that I was not going to survive this. There was no way I could keep living without a soul.

Fear of being destroyed was honed with the monster's guidance into a singular point of pure rage, and I wasn't even aware of teleporting. Everything in my mind was black.

.

.

My fingers closed around the first thing they came in contact with, and I barely had the sensory capabilities to realize it was Vegeta's throat in my grip. The world was a whirl of unintelligible colors, unfamiliar scenery whipping past the solitary black hole at the center of it all; me.

I was barely aware that my power was reaching dangerous heights, my hair lengthening to reach my knees; all I could feel was the monster's unadulterated rage setting my skin on fire and pitching what little I retained of my vision into red.

The only thing I wanted was to stop or at least lessen the torment in my mind and body, and I wanted Vegeta to feel some of that agony and fear. To know what he'd done to me at last and understand why he was wrong beyond belief. I felt no urge to guard him anymore; no impulse to protect, and the monster was whispering encouragingly that he deserved to suffer for everything he'd done.

Outside my field of vision, I sensed the demi-Saiyan weakling approaching me, and my free hand shot up of its own volition and collided with his head, snuffing out that irritating presence as he collapsed to the ground and didn't move. Possibly dead. I didn't care anymore.

I could feel Vegeta's energy draining, this one last link tying him cruelly to me; torturing me with the fact that he could still stand there, could still look at me, but I couldn't feel him at all. The tears gathering in his wide eyes were lost on me, and I didn't let him go.

"K-Ka-kar-ot... P-please..." he choked, unable to breathe, "...don't... _please, _th-the ba-by..."

Yes, distantly, I could feel the tiny spark of ki I'd discovered before fading... I found the monster thinking '_good riddance'._

"Not this time, Vegeta," I growled, surprised I could speak coherently. I was tired of excuses; tired of having to be his rescuer, "You're in way over your head now."

"I swear..." He pleaded, "I... I d-didn't know –"

I cut him off, the monster channeling the flinty words I spoke. "Didn't know what? That I'd be upset? That I'd find you so quickly? That I wouldn't just let you go and forgive you like I have ___countless_times before?" I glared upon him with blurred eyes, the burning hatred I'd felt earlier brimming again, sawing corrosively at my lungs with each breath I took. "You're all out of second chances, Vegeta. No more."

My grip tightened, and somewhere in my mind I knew I was deliberately killing him. The monster goaded me however, with the promise of relief once the prince was removed from the picture.

I almost flinched at the touch of a gentle hand tracing my cheek, and after a long, painful moment; the red haze of the monster seemed to dim slightly.

"I..." Vegeta whispered brokenly, his eyes flitting closed, "I l-love you, K-Kaka...rot..."

I froze, the monster's grip completely melting away in a moment, my power dropping with it to return to my normal state.

What was I _doing?_ My hand withdrew quickly from Vegeta's throat; the appendage was shaking like the rest of me. Without the support though, the prince fell, and I caught him without thinking before he hit the ground.

I felt empty and numb, unable to react to anything; and when a small smile crossed the prince's semiconscious face and he snuggled up to my chest, I didn't think to stop him. He didn't seem aware of what he was doing, and his eyes were still closed. He could have been asleep... then again, from his paleness, he could have been a corpse.

I hadn't even felt the tears forming, but they fell from my eyes before I could wipe them away, a few landing on Vegeta's reposed face. He flinched, one of his liquid ebon eyes opening and connecting dazedly with my own gaze.

It truly hit me right then. I could have killed him. _Would_ have killed him if I hadn't stopped at the last second. Trembling with shock, I held the prince closer to me. I could barely imagine an existence without him, and the fact that I had almost brought such an existence upon myself just now released an inundation of tears and a quiet mantra murmured in Vegeta's ear.

"I'm sorry," I whispered, "I'm sorry... Oh, gods, Vegeta, I'm so sorry..."

How could I have been about to kill him just now? What was I thinking? Just knowing that it would have been very possible for him to die moments ago was enough for me to realize that I couldn't live without him.

Vegeta swallowed and spoke in a thin, wavering voice, "Y-you're just… saying that… because… of th-the mark.."

Obviously he meant the bite mark I'd left on his shoulder a seeming eternity ago. The mark that bonded him to me, so that I could feel every one of his emotions and thoughts.

But I couldn't feel any of that now. I racked my memory sluggishly, and remembered glimpsing a similar but somehow very different mark on Gohan's shoulder before I knocked him unconscious. Vegeta must have bitten him and then...

I shook my head hastily, realizing what the prince was thinking. He thought I only cared what happened to him because of some teeth marks on his shoulder? There was so much more to it than that; and complicated as it was, I was glad it was not some simple primal thing, somehow.

His scent soothed me, and I didn't move from that close proximity as I spoke again, my own voice was slightly unsteady with lingering tears;"The bond... was severed… when you bit my son,"

Vegeta was silent a moment and then asked softly, "Kakarot, why are you in Hell too?"

I sat back, startled.

"In Hell? What are you talking about?"

"I died, didn't I?" he asked perplexedly.

He seemed so certain...

"N-no, no. Of course not." I protested, putting conviction into the words to convince myself that I wouldn't have done that. I wouldn't have gone that far... I couldn't quite be convinced.

"Then...why aren't you still trying to strangle me?" he stammered.

I winced, an image of the prince's terrified, pleading face flashing behind my eyelids.

""I… I realized I could have killed you..."

Vegeta looked unsure, "But you...said such terrible things..."

"I know, I'm sorry..." I said defeatedly, knowing it was a long shot to hope he'd understand how horrible I felt for what I'd done, "I...I'm sorry for doing that to you. I just... I didn't..."

Language failed me. There weren't words enough to express the depth of apology the prince deserved from me...

Vegeta sat up slowly, as if the effort were difficult, "What are you trying to say?"

I took a deep breath, "I... I love you, Vegeta."

I'd said it once before, but at the time it had been mixed with a significant amount of resentment and hatred... now all that remained was the sweeter emotion, though I wasn't sure where the others had gone, or when.

Vegeta looked taken aback, but he regained his composure quickly, "You've already said that," he reminded me flatly. As if I hadn't just been thinking the same thing.

The monster was silent, almost as if it were holding its breath.

I sighed, "I know," I said, opening myself up to a new kind of hurt if the prince didn't listen to me. "I was… I was afraid…. of feeling this way…. I… I didn't want to mess up. I didn't want to let you down… and I was afraid of myself. I didn't know what I was feeling and it scared me senseless…."

Admitting fear; it wasn't something I was used to doing. But a lot of my actions of late had been driven by fear, and it was time the prince knew the truth that I think he had already guessed about me. He needed to hear it from my lips.

Something akin to distrust set into his eyes, "How do I know… if I can believe you, Kakarot?"

I fell silent; there was nothing to say. He knew how easy it was for me to lie these days, and though he knew the truth as well as I did, he was perhaps – like me – afraid to put too much trust into it right now. Betrayal. It had affected us both.

"How do I know you won't just run off again when things get tough?" Vegeta continued boldly, "How do I know I can rely on you?"

Again, for the moment, all verbal responses seemed inadequate. Uncertain, not having the guidance of the monster or the protective instincts that came with the mating bond that was now severed, I drew the prince to me and held him close, a gentle embrace. I could feel his steady heartbeat next to my own, his comforting scent wrapping around me like a blanket.

"As long as it takes," I said slowly, the words not a statement, but a vow, "...as many times as you or I fail alone or together, I swear to the gods I'll be there for you."

I had already said that I would stay with him until the pregnancy ended, but I had broken that promise too many times, and it had been promised in the first place for the wrong reason.

"Not because I have to," I went on carefully, "but because I want to… I ___need _to. I need you, Vegeta. And I want you to need me."

Vegeta looked up at me, something like wonder on his face; and if I could have made the words more true by repeating them, I would have right then.

I cupped the prince's face in my hands gradually and brought his lips to meet mine. It was a soft, brief kiss, but I wouldn't have traded it for all the stolen, passionate ones in the world. I was certain. I loved Vegeta, and I was never going to let him go again.

He broke away after a long moment, "I trust you, Kakarot."

For a record third time, I was lost for words. I had given the prince no trust, and no reason to give what I hadn't in return, but despite that...

I didn't think, I simply hugged him to my chest sincerely; a small, but genuine smile – one of the first in months – finding its way to my lips. I rested the prince's head on my shoulder, purring softly to tell him that I understood.

I felt Vegeta's warm energy next to me, I felt his presence surrounding me and filling a few of the agonizing holes that had been left in my soul since the mark was disengaged. I wanted him to be mine again... I wanted him to belong to me once again.

But for the first time... I wanted to belong to him as well.

TBC


	18. Chapter 18

_((Figured I should finish typing out this plot-sealing chapter here... it's kind of important. Ah well. I've been preoccupied and haven't been thinking about it much. _

_Reviews keep me alive. Takes a second, means a lot. Thanks guys._

_-Shinsun))_

Twists And Turns

Chapter 18

I couldn't have felt any worse about what I'd done if I tried. When reality caught up to me and I glimpsed Gohan sprawled unconscious in the dirt, what was left of my heart sank. _How could I do that to my own son...?_ I could barely believe it had been my own hand that had crashed into him devastatingly, concussing him and nearly killing him.

If possible, I felt worse about what I had done to Vegeta. No matter what he may have done – even if he did deliberately bite my son and thereby destroy the one-sided mating bond that was now little more than a memory... it gave me no right to attack him like that; and put both him and the unborn child he carried in almost certainly fatal danger.

I teleported the unconscious demi and the shell-shocked prince to my own house, not knowing where else to go. I didn't want to answer Bulma's questions; forget about ChiChi's ranting... but without the problem-solving women to help, I had to rely on my own slightly-impaired sense of reason now. The house was empty, and throughout the transition both Vegeta and I were silent. I was by no means alone, but I felt like I was. I felt isolated and contained, cut off from everything and suffocating under the weight of my own heartbeat. I couldn't sense Vegeta anymore; even if he was standing right next to me, I couldn't feel his emotions and I could barely sense his ki... it was almost as if he'd vanished... or I'd vanished... though both of us were perfectly present and within a foot or so of each other, of course.

I gently lay Gohan on the sofa, feeling his forehead to be sure he was still with us, one of the living; and covering him carefully with a blanket, so that he'd at least wake up comfortable. I wished I could do more.

I was emotionally exhausted, and the prince stanchly beside me looked more physically so; I suggested that we get some rest, and he didn't answer, not looking at me. I sighed and lead him wearily up the stairs, slightly unsure. He sat down next to me on the bed in the center of the room, gazing distantly at the floor as if he couldn't see it.

I hesitated, studying his face, "Vegeta..." I said slowly, "...I really am sorry, you know."

There was no way of conveying how much I meant what I said, and I hoped words would be enough; Vegeta still wasn't meeting my eye. At least he seemed to have heard me this time.

He nodded slowly twice, "I know... I forgive you."

I let out a breath slowly. I didn't deserve his forgiveness, and I doubted he even knew the full extent of everything I had done recently; but just hearing him say it brought equal measures of sorrow and something that felt like peace to settle unsteadily in my chest. Weighted as I was by emotions I wasn't used to feeling, I let my eyes slip closed to process these new ones.

"I wish I could just..." I began softly, "...start over..."

Much as I wished I could forget everything that had happened and begin this whole thing anew, I couldn't take any of it back. I wouldn't. I had learned so much through trial and error, but I did wish I could erase all the pain and mistakes that had come with that new knowledge.

I looked at Vegeta; looking at him without sensing him, like he was a cardboard cut-out instead of the living, breathing person that I had finally come to love. Barely aware of what I was doing, I leaned against him from behind, just to verify his existence; and it felt so warm and safe to be near him... I wrapped my arms around him slowly, resting my exhausted face in the cradle of his strong shoulder. I didn't know how I ever existed without feeling this steady warmth close to me, the steadfast presence that I could no longer sense. I felt I had to have him in contact with every inch of my skin just to know he was still there. I felt inexplicably invisible, intangible; as if I would fade away if I let him go.

A knot of emotion welled up, and tears escaped from my eyes, wetting the fabric of the prince's shirt as I wept silently against him.

I felt Vegeta shift, and I felt his gaze on me; unable to sense the emotion that coordinated with it, "Kakarot, what's wrong?" he asked quietly, uncertainly.

"Everything." The word slipped from my lips before I could stop it, and only after it had been spoken did I realize how true it was. I felt like everything around me was just a big complicated mess that I had started, and no matter how I tried to fight free of it all, it never let me go.

"I-it's okay," Vegeta stammered; an attempt to comfort... Why did he want to comfort me? I had done nothing but hurt him; how could he stand to be near me?

I glanced up to try and glimpse his expression; getting one look at the concerned, confused face of the prince before letting my eyes flutter closed again, drawing in his scent slowly as my nose pressed to his shirt; steadying myself slightly.

"I feel... lost, Vegeta." I whispered. Once the words left my lips, more poured right after them; a shaky confession, "When the mark stopped working I felt like it was eating me alive... I couldn't feel you anymore... And now, I just... I feel empty."

I felt like a shell; hollow, cracked and stepped on, regretfully awaiting the day when I would shatter into little pieces and be swept away.

"I'm sorry I did that to you... I shouldn't have taken it so far..." said Vegeta; he sounded genuinely remorseful.

I turned him to face me, holding him close like a small child, feeling his warmth spreading through my chest... and I gently brushed my lips against his forehead, a gesture of sincere apology. Words weren't enough to tell him how sorry I was. All I wanted now was to mend the damage somehow.

"I don't know if it can be fixed," I whispered against his forehead, "But I'd be willing to try."

"How?"

I swallowed, "It wasn't mutual before," I said, speaking of the mating bond I'd so rashly thrown onto both of us, "I didn't have your consent, and the mark wasn't completed... maybe if we do it right..."

There was a promise in the last few words; an offer, an attempt to reconcile for both of our faults.

Vegeta looked unsure, "If... Kakarot, if we mate you won't be able to take it back... It'll be for keeps this time."

I looked at him, summoning my conviction, "I know."

He shifted his weight slightly, nervously, "I won't refuse...There was never any question. But I don't want you to do something you'll regret, Kakarot."

I wanted to tell him how long I'd forced myself to stay away from him; abstaining from that which I couldn't live without... how fiercely I'd kept myself waiting for just a brush of contact with his skin, just a glance from those depthless, ebony eyes. I wanted to tell him how deeply he enslaved me without even trying, and that I refused to fight it anymore.

"I won't regret becoming one with you, Vegeta." I said, "I wanted to start over, this is my chance."

His gaze dropped from mine, breaking another small connection between us.

I set my teeth, _No more. This ends.. and begins -_

"Now." I said aloud, "It's time."

X

At long last, after a seeming eternity of waiting and refusing, I let myself give in; enclosing Vegeta's lips with my own... Solace. Catharsis. Relief. Heat swept over me, my nostrils filling with the prince's fiery scent; and he lay back slowly, drawing me with him to straddle his waist. Despite the burn of anticipation and the eagerness thrumming through my body; I held back a moment. Vegeta's safety, and that of the unborn child, was more important than the desire all but crushing me from the inside out.

"You're sure?" I asked carefully, "I wouldn't mind if you'd rather -"

His lips covered mine, and I nearly moaned aloud with the unbearable contact.

"I'm sure." he said.

"Will it..." I began uncertainly, "...Will it hurt the baby?"

He looked hesitant, and then shook his head from side to side.

My eyes roved over him, briefly picturing the same bruises I'd caused on ChiChi's shoulders and hips that one time I'd lost control... what if I hurt Vegeta the same way? Saiyan blood or no, he wasn't indestructible.

But still... I knew what he was promising... what every facet of my being craved desperately...

"Don't think about anything," Vegeta murmured, likely reading the conflicted thoughts on my face, "Don't question it; act on it. Just like the first time."

I remembered that animal moment of exemption with the prince, and I winced slightly. I wouldn't let myself be an animal. I wouldn't make the same mistake I'd made then.

I shook my head, "That first time was just sex; just mindless fucking." I said bluntly, then my tone softened, "It's not the same. I don't want to have sex. I want to make love."

I leaned over him, inhaling his scent and allowing myself to feel the things I'd denied for too long. I cared about him, I wanted him... I loved him.

"And then," I went on, "I want to make you my mate again... and I want you to make me yours."

I captured his willing lips fervently, drowning in his taste from the moment it touched my tongue. Said tongue pressed between the prince's lips, and he instantly allowed me access.

The heat was building, bringing out sweat, and I was utterly drenched in the very essence of Vegeta; his scent, his taste, his presence... the satin-encased steel of his flawless form, pressed so intimately to my body. My fingers gripped the bedsheets, just to ground myself, to keep myself from soaring as my elated mind suggested. My legs wrapped around the prince's, and I was aware that I was shivering slightly.

"Gods, I want you," I gasped, unable to stand it, "I _need _you..." I nuzzled his neck slowly, reveling in the heat, brushing my lips against the skin to taste the cinnamon salt of sweat and Vegeta. Perfection incarnate. A low purr throbbed from my chest, my eyes flitting closed briefly.

"So take me," Vegeta whispered, wrapping his arms around my neck to press me against him. If I had needed any more permission, he'd just given it. I had his consent, and I sure as hell had my own. I had never wanted anything so much in my entire life.

I devoured his willing mouth, not even breaking away to draw breath... but breathing wasn't high on my list of priorities right now. My hands found the lower hem of his loose shirt, and I slipped it off over his shoulders before discarding it over the bedside. My gaze was drawn to the exposed skin, traveling hungrily over powerful, heaving chest; toned, sweat-beaded obliques, and the gentle, barely visible curve of his lower abdomen. I traced a hand absently down his chest, pausing before smoothing fingertips over the softer flesh that gave promise to the tiny life taking form within the prince. The life I had helped create...

My fingers stopped on the waistband of his leggings, feathering over the skin of his hips. I was impatient to remove the clothing, and when Vegeta arched in invitation with a quiet, beseeching sound... I couldn't help myself. Involuntarily, my fingers shredded through the spandex, ripping the flexible material to ribbons far more effortlessly than I should have been able.

I blinked as the prince removed my shirt quickly, with shaky hands, seeming to be as impatient as I was. I looked at him, captivated by the passion in his dark eyes, and enclosed his mouth with mine for a moment. He moaned softly, his breath hot on my face, and I touched my lips to his briefly once more.

I had waited long enough. I disconnected the kiss and sat back on my heels, reluctant to break contact with him for even a short time. But the remaining clothing had to go, and I wasn't keen on burning away one of the few decent pairs of jeans I owned. I slipped out of the pants quickly, aching for the prince's touch in the scant moments that I was deprived of it. It felt more like being deprived of oxygen. Something vital that would kill me if I was left without it.

Desperate as I was, I didn't want to hurt Vegeta... I didn't want him to associate any of this with pain. I spat in my palm and dove in for another deep kiss, stroking myself once to lubricate and ready myself. The moment stretched out, and gradually I pressed forward, easing into the prince's tight heat. I felt the vibration of his groan against my lips, but I couldn't hear it. For a moment I had gone deaf, and I was sure my heart was going to beat out of my chest, or stop altogether.

The first thrust was heaven, and I felt like I would pass out from the slowly smoothing friction and blissful, wonderfully sweltering pressure that I had almost forgotten I wanted so much.

I hesitated, before drawing back slowly, and then plunging into the prince, again, repeating the motion over and over. Each thrust grew fiercer and surer as I gained confidence, and the long moan I elicited from Vegeta's throat was a sweet reward for my effort.

I could feel a dull pulsing clenching at my gums as I established a steady pace, aided by the slow writhe of the prince below me, pressing his mouth more fully against my own.

The purr in my chest dropped a few octaves, constricting almost into my throat and becoming a low growl, and my lips left Vegeta's to hover over his shoulder, inhaling his narcotic scent shakily.

I kissed the scarred flesh gently, disregarding the ache building in the roots of my teeth telling me to bite. I wanted to savor the moment, though the promise of the prince returning to my void soul was an inducement I couldn't refuse.

"K-Kakarot," Vegeta pleaded, panting for breath, "Pl-please..."

I looked at him carefully, ignoring the painful cramping of my mouth and reading the desperation in his eyes.

"Do it," he groaned, lifting his hips, reminding me that I remained deep inside him; a brief moment without movement, "Do it _now!"_

I couldn't have said no even if I had an ounce of denial in my entire body. Still I was hesitant, remembering what had happened before... I shoved the thought aside. It would be different now. I would _make _it different now.

My lips drew back and I touched the scar with my aching teeth, succumbing to instinct and sinking them into the shallow but permanent indentations I'd created before. Blood – oh gods, hot, thick, amazing Saiyan blood – flooded into my mouth, activating nerves I thought I'd forgotten, awakening senses I had numbed; raw pleasure pounding in my head until I thought I would black out.

Vegeta released a shout; shivering for a moment before sitting up with a growl, driving me to sit up as well or lose my balance; and I had no warning before he bit down hard on my shoulder.

My head snapped up, pulling my teeth out of the prince's mark. Every muscle tensed as my own blood poured into Vegeta's mouth, and a wrenching groan escaped between my lips. Oh, I understood now why Vegeta hadn't protested when I bit him, it was incredible. And with his blood still fresh on my tongue, I found myself teetering on the brink of climax... but not so oblivious as to disregard the emotions flowing through me. The very essence of Vegeta himself returning to me, stronger and sharper and more complete than it had ever been before. Memories, feelings, everything that made up what and who he was... A powerful rush of protectiveness gripped me; so strong that I knew I would willingly die for him, and I knew he would do the same for me.

Vegeta let go of my shoulder and looked at me, a thrill of connection that I couldn't explain. His acceptance and mine a final link in the bond forming and reinforcing between us by the moment. It was time to finish this. I shifted for leverage, and Vegeta shot forward and latched his lips onto mine in the moment that I thrust into him with my full strength, his blood on my lips and mine on his, mixing indescribably for a matter of seconds. I felt him stiffen, and my muscles locked as well as we came together, my ragged scream muffled against the prince's mouth, his own shout reverberating against mine. Forever and an instant passed as one, and in the moment that my mind was utterly wiped, I forgot for a second where I ended and Vegeta began. Our identities were so intermixed that I could briefly convince myself that we were one person.

Finally we broke away from each other, and I slid out of him. I leaned back, gasping for breath, hearing Vegeta's breathless panting echoing mine. I was drained, tired, bleeding... and completely, utterly satisfied for the first time in over two months. Maybe for the first time in my whole life.

"D-did it..." Vegeta began unsteadily, "...feel like that for you last time?"

I wasn't sure if he meant the marking or the entire experience, but my response answered both.

I shook my head fervently, dispelling sweat, "If it had... I would never have left." I said exhaustedly.

One thing was certain; I would never leave him now. I doubted it would be physically possible to do so, and I wouldn't either way. I didn't care about anything else; the world could end as long as I had my mate – my _mate_ – with me.

The monster was still silent, and I wondered absently if I killed it by claiming my mate at last... or maybe I was just too worn out to listen at the moment.

TBC


	19. Chapter 19

Twists And Turns

Chapter 19

My sense of smell woke up before I did. Sweet, warm, heady scents trickled into my nostrils; of sweat and closeness... of Vegeta, and sex... Half-asleep, the unique brand of perfume seeping past my senses elicited a deep, satisfied purr, and I shifted comfortably only to realize that I was not alone in my bed. A steadfast, warm body that I could have identified solely by touch was pressed close to my own, curled up against me and fast asleep. Something between surprise and euphoria twitched in my mind. _Oh my gods, it wasn't a dream this time...!_

Better yet, I could sense Vegeta's calm emotions touching my mind; and the memory of being so alone and unable to feel him was all but forgotten. The monster was silent, placid, as though patiently waiting to see what would happen now. I didn't mind that it was still there so long as it was quiet; the respite was refreshing, it had been a long time since I was this relaxed.

Vegeta's deep breathing faltered after a while, and I sensed him waking groggily; confusion and then amazement filtering through the bond that I could feel sealing us together. I wondered if he could feel my emotions as sharply as I could feel his now; I had to make conscious effort not to mix up his feelings with my own at first... it was a little disorienting, but not unpleasant.

I couldn't help but tighten my embrace around his shoulders, loosening it after a moment and lifting my head to look at his face. The gentle arch of an elegant eyebrow shadowing a half-mast dark eye, the perfect curve of his high cheekbone; barely parted lips marked with fading darker spots that looked like shallow teeth marks, recalling a memory of fierce kissing and frantic thrusting. I swallowed and averted my gaze as I felt heat pooling down south, not wanting to arouse myself just yet.

"Sleep well?" I asked the prince as I lay my head back against the pillows. I knew _I_ had. I hadn't slept that well in months. It had been far too long since I'd dropped every single bit of my guard in favor of shutting down completely.

"Mhm," Vegeta murmured; he sounded pleased, the kind of simple emotion that barely needed a source.

I suppressed a groan as I heard the monster making itself known, a tiny whisper that was strangely quieter than I remembered.

_And now he's had his way... let you fuck him into next week, and now he can ask for it whenever he wants._ The sly voice sounded supercilious and arrogant, and I tried to shove it away halfheartedly, loathing it for upsetting the pleasant glow that had settled on me upon waking.

_It was _not_ just fucking,_ I retorted in the sanctity of my mind, _It was more than that._

_Does he know that?_ The monster purred silkily, _Does he even want more than that? That's all he was trying to get from you anyway. Now that you've given him what he wanted, he's sure to lose interest._

I fought back a growl, furious at the monster's ability to tear down my defenses and show the tiny niggling fears that were all too real to be ignored. What if Vegeta had only wanted me in one way; and now that he'd gotten it, he would stop pursuing me – obviously – and think he could lord it over me all the time? What if he was just using me? What if I had lain myself bare to him only to be stepped on yet again?

Part of me sneered. They were stupid, naïve worries, and I wanted to label them impossible... but I couldn't just yet.

"Was it..." I began, wondering how to phrase the question to get the answer I needed to hear, "...good enough for you?"

There was one way to test what he expected of me. What he truly wanted from me. A guardian, a protector; that I could be. But just a bedmate... that I couldn't do. I should have laughed and reminded myself that he'd claimed me and thereby made me his mate – not an easy or possible bond to break once it was consensual... But, I had to insist, he had bitten to manipulate before. Was there a chance I was just another Gohan to be used and then tossed aside? – bearing no ill will to my eldest son, of course; at least not anymore... I didn't know how I'd be able to swallow it if that were true. It was unlikely, given all the trauma we'd both been through to get this far... but not impossible just yet.

"Why do you ask?" Vegeta asked carefully, looking at me with perplexed, if wary eyes.

I decided to test the water. Would Vegeta only be happy if I obliged him this way again? I knew it would make _me_ happy... but only if it actually meant something.

"Because," I said slowly, laying the proverbial cards on the table, "That's one of the last ones you're likely to get."

He blinked at me, bemused.

"What do you mean?"

And there was the tiny edge of panic I'd been afraid to see.

_He only wants you for the sex,_ the monster snickered, _After all, what good are you otherwise? He has Bulma to handle everything else, and you wouldn't be much use in a medical sense anyway. What he needed was a fuck-buddy, not a mate._

_SHUT UP!_ I snarled mentally at the monster's words taunting me. Beneath my indignant denial, there was a faint creeping of dread... what if it was right? What if I'd just taken a bare-butt leap into another of Vegeta's traps?

I wouldn't know unless...

"Well…. It's going to be harder as this pregnancy progresses," I muttered, careful to keep my voice emotionless to keep the twinge of fear out of it, "...and whether the baby or you survive or not, we don't want you to get pregnant again, right?"

Minor concerns; there were ways around those complications... but it was a good enough reason to put a temporary wall between the prince and me to see how he reacted. Words were just words, after all.

Vegeta looked at me calculatingly, "Why not?"

_Oh, dear..._ the monster simpered sarcastically.

_Shut up._ I repeated, dismayed that I was arguing with myself... the retort lost a lot of its fire.

Then Vegeta's reply caught up to me.

"_'Why not'?_" I echoed the prince, wondering if he _wanted _ me to get him pregnant again.

_It would make sense,_ the monster laughed, _more heirs to the Saiyan race, continuing his precious bloodline. Of course, that makes you his -_

I cut it off, trying to drown it out, "Vegeta, you're not actually considering...?" I trailed off, unsure and trying to ignore the uncomfortable throbbing of the mark Vegeta had placed on my shoulder. I wondered if it was responding to my emotions... if a mere bite mark could do such a thing...

I sighed, looking at the ceiling.

"We can't bring our race back, Vegeta," I said flatly, "That's not what's happening here. That'll never happen thanks to Frieza; I'm sorry."

_Lay it all out to him,_ the monster muttered grimly, _And watch him walk out the door._

If it were a physical entity, I might have strangled it.

Vegeta's eyebrows were gradually drawing together in a frown, which transformed into his trademark scowl.

He snorted, "How come you have to be so damn bitter all the time, Kakarot? It's not like you."

I spoke before the monster could, interrupting whatever snide remark it might have made.

"Bitter times," I said shortly; acerbically, fitting as that was.

He sat up abruptly, and I felt the jolt of irritation as though it was my own, "And here I was in such a good mood," he growled, "Your aura is deleterious, Kakarot, you know that?"

Guilt slashed at me painfully. I had upset him. It was not my place to upset him; it was my duty to keep his emotions calm and happy, for as much his own benefit as that of the unborn infant he carried.

I forced a shrug, not wanting to speak any of what was on my mind. Not wanting to give the waiting monster another chance to command my tongue.

To my surprise, he didn't snarl... in fact a grin that was more grim than amused crossed his face. Still... he was...pleased? Satisfied? I was beyond confused.

"Oh you are _not _fooling me this time," he said smugly, "I can sense that you feel bad about upsetting me and that you didn't mean any of what you said. Your days of hiding your feelings are ___over_, Kakarot."

_That's right..._ I thought distantly, _he can sense my emotions too now..._

I sat up, about to reply, but everything I could have said stuck in my throat, and I swallowed against an imaginary knot in my windpipe, dropping my gaze to the sheets around my legs.

"Sorry," I said softly, closing my eyes briefly as the mark on my shoulder gave another angry stab of pain. I rubbed the scar absently, trying to quell it but only managing to scuff my hand with my own dried blood.

I felt Vegeta lean against me after a long moment and I looked at him. His emotions were sincere and apologetic, and I wondered what I'd said to cause the sudden switch in mood. Maybe it was hormones.

His hand laid on top of mine, on top of the scar that was troubling me... and after a quick flash of hesitance I lowered my own hand and let him do what he would.

His fingers traced over the mark slowly, and to my surprise, rather than the ache of any other healing scar that I would expect, a thrum of warm pleasure swept through me. My head tipped back gradually and a soft sound of approval escaped me, my eyes flitting closed.

The touch was light, achingly tentative as his fingertips skimmed over the uneven flesh. Bliss soothed every nerve ending, giving me a chill, "Yessss," I breathed.

The butterfly contact of soft, perfect lips touching the sensitive mark elicited a pleading sound from me, and I felt myself growing hard despite myself. Vegeta's hot, wet tongue slicked over erogenous punctures, stimulating the raw and exposed nerves beneath the skin.

"Fuck, Vegeta, _yessss,_" I groaned; gods, I hadn't known of this sensitivity... I had to wonder how Vegeta had... How he had known what I needed in the moment of doubt and conflict...

_He does care about me,_ I told the monster, unsure if it was even awake right now, _he does care..._ _he does love me..._

I let go, giving in to the sensations as the prince's amazing tongue explored and danced across the mark he'd created... I was panting for breath; quiet, appreciative sounds slipping between my lips whenever he found a particularly incredible spot.

I felt the prick of a canine tooth pressing into one of the delicate holes, and I gulped a breath, shivering as I was dropped very near the edge of climax, a gentle, but fierce tide of pleasure and anticipation washing over me.

Vegeta's teeth slid into the mark, reopening it entirely, and I felt like my skin would peel off as every muscle jumped, hot ecstasy flooding me as a shout tore from my lips, cut off as I released into the sheets, trembling with aftershocks as the orgasm wrung through me.

Vegeta withdrew and licked my blood from his lips, "You might have to rethink what you said earlier, Kakarot." he muttered.

I couldn't keep my voice steady as I responded, "What's that?"

"You said that last night was 'one of the last ones I'm likely to get';" he said levelly, smirking dangerously in the way that would make even Frieza turn tail and run, "but if what happened just now was any indication, I'm not sure you'll be able to keep your hands… and ___other things_… off of me."

Embarrassment hit me before I could dwell on the monster's warning from before, and how it fit with what Vegeta said. It wasn't important now.

"Well... I just... I think..." I stammered, aware that my cheeks were probably flushed by now.

He raised a curved eyebrow, daring me to contradict him.

Not possible.

I sighed, "I just can't say no to you, Vegeta."

He smirked, "Of course you can't, what kind of mate would you be if you could?"

Relief flowed through me; he did know what it meant to be mates, and he wasn't trying to manipulate me to get what he wanted. Well... at the moment he wasn't trying as hard as he could have, but that was different.

A teasing growl left my throat and I pounced on him, pressing him back against the pillows and attacking his mouth with mine, tasting my own blood still lingering on his lips as well as his own fiery flavor. Vegeta responded eagerly, and my fingers tangled in his silken hair, crushing his lips to mine intensely.

I broke away for breath and to speak one sentence.

"Just remember..." I purred, "You're _my_ mate first."

I let him take that however he would.

TBC


	20. Chapter 20

Twists And Turns

Chapter 20

About a month passed, and things got better. Vegeta stayed in my house during that time, and I was glad. I never wanted him to leave my side again. I never felt more loved or accepted than when I was in his presence; and the monster was quieter, more manageable, when he was near.

As those weeks went by, I watched the curve of my mate's belly become more pronounced over time, and a warm feeling of pride would descend on me to see him and the child he carried healthy and strong. Vegeta himself seemed worried though, and I wondered if there was something I'd overlooked... maybe something was wrong that I hadn't seen. I asked him about it, and he said he didn't know what to expect; the changes taking place in him were something he'd never experienced before and they scared him. I was so relieved I actually laughed, at least there was nothing physcially wrong; but I wanted to ease my mate's uncertainty still. I told him not to worry, that it wasn't a big deal, and other such consolations; but I could tell he wasn't quite convinced. I wasn't surprised, Vegeta held a high regard for his own princely appearance, and the change must have made him unsure of himself.

A few days later he mentioned that his back had been hurting him, and I sensed the discomfort as if it were my own, a rush of sympathy filling me. I explained to him that the pressure from his belly would put a strain on his lower back, I remembered ChiChi experiencing much the same thing. I wished I could make it all easier on him, but there was nothing I could do.

I didn't see anyone else but my mate for the entire month, but I was more than happy with that. I took the time as an opportunity to soak up his presence like a sponge, trying to memorize everything about him that I could, simply reveling in feeling so complete. Something I hadn't felt in a very long time. I didn't have to fight myself as much anymore, and it was a huge relief; that I could allow myself to just be with him. To just love him and be loved, so wholly and completely that nothing else mattered.

In that month, I never slept alone, and instead of the carefully controlled forebearance and uncertainty I'd kept up when I'd slept in the same bed as the prince before, there was a sense of trust and companionship. With my mate snuggled up next to me at night, I fell right asleep, and no nightmares disturbed either of us, to be so relaxed in one another's presence.

Since I had the time on my hands, though, I started thinking about what would happen now. Without the conflict of forcing myself to stay away from Vegeta and not give in to the desire I couldn't deny, I was able to think of other things. If all went well, we would be parents again... and though both of us had raised children before to an extent... neither of us had been completely devoted to it right from the start, or had participated much at all.

ChiChi had been controlling, obsessed with perfection and doing most everything herself. I don't think she trusted me with something as fragile or complicated as a child, and she always seemed disapproving when I tried to lend a hand in anything to do with the upbringing of Gohan and Goten. She hated my disinterest with schooling, and my lack of any real education of my own. ...And a lot of the time she confused me. She was so willing and eager to marry me, and then she complained about every single thing I did. She allowed me to do nothing to help her raise our children, and then ranted that she had to do everything herself.

Vegeta had, perhaps, even less experience than I did. He wasn't present on the day of Trunks's birth, or before, while Bulma had been pregnant. He'd thrown himself into his training as soon as he knew I had returned from those three years in space; and he hadn't really changed much after that. Even when he decided to stay with Bulma after the whole Cell thing, he was never really a participant in Trunks's childhood. Even after Buu, he seemed to only treat his son as someone who happened to share his blood and had just walked into his home; someone who was not really his concern. I doubted he even knew what school his son went to.

So then... with our combined experience of almost nil... would we be able to pull off the task together, without any convenient woman to take control and tell us how even simple, everyday things were done? Neither of us had ever filled a bottle, changed a diaper, rocked a baby to sleep... and I could scarcely picture either of us doing things like that anyway.

In a lot of ways, this child would be our first.

.

.

One of these nights, we were lying awake together, just watching the stars out the window, and something occurred to me.

"What do you know of Saiyan names?" I asked Vegeta, linking our fingers together absently and looking at him.

He blinked, "What do you want to know?"

I took that to mean he at least knew something. I didn't remember anything about Saiyan heritage at all thanks to a certain incident of falling down a gorge, but I assumed Vegeta had at least retained some of the language that used to be his.

But I wasn't entirely sure what I wanted to ask.

"Like... what does my name mean?"

He bit his lip contemplatively, "Well," he said slowly, "Your Earth-name is not Saiyan, but from what I gather it means 'enlightened one' or something in one of the many human languages…. Kakarot means…" He paused a moment, "How do humans say it..? 'Diamond in the rough'? …'More than meets the eye'? Basically… 'unique'."

I smiled, tracing the Saiyan name with my lips without saying it, tasting the new definition.

After a few seconds I asked, "What does yours mean?"

He didn't hesitate, "Vegeta means 'royalty'. It literally means 'prince'."

There was a short stretch of silence as we both thought about this.

"Why? What are you thinking so hard about?" Vegeta inquired.

"Can you teach me? About Saiyan words, I mean?"

"Why?" he asked.

I wasn't sure what I wanted to say. Unsure if I should reveal what I had discovered... "I want to share my son's culture."

"Or daughter," the prince added, like I thought he would.

I shook my head slowly and meaningfully.

His hand shot up to cover his mouth disbelievingly.

"It _is_ a son?"

I nodded, "I'm pretty sure. Based on the ki signal... as far as I can sense..."

I wasn't completely certain, but the tiny ki I could sense in the prince felt... Male. Familiar. It was difficult to explain how I knew.

"How can you tell so early?" Vegeta asked in a hushed voice, "The woman's ultrasound machine can't pick it up yet, and I don't have a clue."

I shrugged, "I just know."

X

It was sunny and warm for much of the week, and I decided to take advantage of that and use the fair weather to train. It had been awhile since I'd released the tension in my muscles that way, and it had been even longer since my head was clear enough to enjoy it. Vegeta seemed raring to go, but I asked him to sit out for his own sake, remembering how he'd lost his ki and nearly killed himself if he exerted himself too much. He was disappointed, of course, but he did as I said. I wondered if he realized how much he was going to have to do the same thing in the not-so-distant future. Yield and give up his own wants for the benefit of the child.

The exercise did a lot for my mind and body alike, relaxing my nerves and the lingering agitated, caged feeling I hadn't been able to shake. When it got hot under the glare of the sun, I took off my shirt before continuing my workout, and I got the feeling that got a pleased reaction out of my mate watching below.

My thoughts returned to what I had asked Vegeta before, and I paused in the middle of a kata and glanced at him.

"How about Tetzu?" I suggested, remembering some of what he'd told me about Saiyan words.

"'Honesty and strength'?" he asked, wrinkling his nose a little, "I don't know... I like it, but it just... doesn't fit."

"Okay then," I tried, "...Kaleto? 'Strong of heart'?"

"That one's better," he said slowly, "...But it doesn't ...sound right."

I snapped my fingers in frustration, "Gods, you're a tough one to please."

I had to admit, as I jumped back into my shadow-spar, that none of the names I'd brought up had clicked for me either, but I had to test them on Vegeta before I decided anything. He was careful to refuse the suggestions politely, but he was stubborn, and I could tell he downright disapproved of most of the names I selected. I hoped the right one would present itself at the right time...

I sensed as I worked that Goten had showed up and was talking to Vegeta, but my mate's ki and mood remained calm and stable, so I assumed nothing serious had happened. It was a little surprising how quickly Goten had welcomed Vegeta as a member of the family – didn't need an explanation or excuse, he was more than happy to approve of the prince. He also seemed to have a pretty good understanding of the status quo. He knew Vegeta was pregnant, and he was alright with it. Of course, he was a kid, he probably didn't know or guess all of the why's and how's of the situation... but as far as he was concerned, his family as a whole was happy, so he was happy.

There's something to be learned from a child's unquestioning acceptance.

After a while, though, I sensed Vegeta's mood change drastically, irritation and introversion filtering through to cover up his earlier calm compliance. It couldn't have been something Goten said, the kid was a little bundle of energy and cheerfulness that was damn near contagious. It was probably a mood swing, but I could sense Vegeta didn't want to unleash the kind of sharp-tongued retorts that kind of mood could inspire from him on the young demi-Saiyan.

I decided to rescue him from the socially awkward situation, and dropped out of the sky to land next to my mate.

"Sorry Goten, Vegeta's a little tired right now." I said, "Why don't you and Trunks go play?"

Goten blinked at me, "How did _you_ know he was tired, Dad?"

"I can sense everything he feels," I explained patiently, "Remember when I told you how Vegeta and I are together now?"

"Like when you and Mom were together?" he asked.

I hid a wince, "Not quite like that, son. You'll understand when you're older."

Goten pouted, "Why can't I be older _now?"_

He looked so adorable that I had to laugh, "Don't worry. You'll be older before you know it."

Goten brightened almost instantly and shrugged, giving Vegeta and me a parting wave before running off to find Trunks.

I sighed, I was fine with talking with Goten, answering quesitions and explaining things... guiding him... but it was times like this that I was grimly reminded that I'd only known him for a short time; I wasn't there for much of his childhood, and was more a hero brought back from the dead to him than a father. He looked at Gohan with trust and admiration, like he would to a father figure... and to me, he looked all starry-eyed with the kind of idolization a person gave a rock star. It should have been gratifying, and it would have been, if he was anyone but my son.

TBC


	21. Chapter 21

_((Gods, my updates have been absolutely pathetic lately. Barely once a week, and the content hasn't been that great either. You all deserve better, and I have no excuse for putting off writing when I have enough time on my hands to complain about boredom. I apologize and I'll try to do better._

_Love you all, thanks for reviewing and being patient with me..._

_-Shinsun))_

Twists And Turns

Chapter 21

The first trimester of Vegeta's pregnancy ended, and Bulma summoned us to Capsule Corp so she could give him a physical examination again. When we got there... she started ranting at both of us for "disappearing for a month and making her worry her hair out". Neither of us were able to get a word in edgewise as her rapid, shrieking tirade poured over us; and by silent agreement, we just did as she said, and I trailed after my mate and the hot-tempered woman to the laboratory with a resigned sigh.

Bulma paced, muttering under her breath and clearing off various cluttered shelves, and Vegeta cautiously sat down on the stainless white examination table, everything about his posture screaming wariness and penitence. I took a seat next directly next to him, a protective instinct compelling me to shield him from Bulma's rage.

Bulma's railing about the inattentive nature of Saiyans was interrupted when Vegeta spoke up bravely.

"Woman, it's no big deal," he said, a little irritably, "It's only been a month since..."

"No big deal?" Bulma cut in, practically screaming, "_No big deal?!"_

I saw my mate wince, partially at the volume and pitch so close to his sensitive ears – I was inclined to do much the same – and partially at the impending lecture we both knew was coming.

"Do you even realize what could _happen_ to you and the baby if something this unheard of goes unchecked for so long?" the woman screeched, pointing menacingly at Vegeta, who – surprisingly – seemed to shrink away from her wrath.

He straightened after a moment, "No, woman, how could I?" he muttered through gritted teeth.

"You could both _die!_" Bulma retorted furiously, glaring blue daggers.

Vegeta visibly wavered, and I couldn't help but wince as well. Eventually, my prince slumped, a furrow of regret between his eyebrows.

"...Sorry," he sighed, slipping off his shirt at the woman's prompting glance. Despite the circumstances, I couldn't help a warm feeling of pride to look at him; powerful and vibrant with good health, the swell of his abdomen promising new life. My role as a protector and a provider showed itself in the wellbeing of my mate, and it did me good to see my efforts paying off.

Bulma wasn't finished with chewing Vegeta out; though she didn't sound as angry as before, "What have you even been _doing_ that you could forget? You haven't been here in a long time..."

I caught the glance Vegeta shot at me, and apparently Bulma did too. She looked surprised as she blinked at me; she must have been so wrapped up in shouting at Vegeta – purely out of worry for his and the unborn child's safety, of course -that she hadn't even noticed I was here.

"Goku...? What are you doing here? Aren't you... still mad at Vegeta?"

I held her gaze uncertainly. How to explain all that had happened in the last month? There weren't words to describe the utter transformation our unstable relationship had gone through.

_Actions speak louder than words, I suppose..._

I lowered the collar of my shirt, exposing my right shoulder and the mark Vegeta's teeth had placed there. I didn't know if she knew what it meant entirely, but I remembered Vegeta saying that he'd explained some of it to her when she asked about his own bite mark a while back. Of course... a human that had never experienced something as indescribable as mating couldn't possibly understand the full extent of what the mark stood for, but I assumed she'd get the hint.

Her eyebrows rose slowly, and she turned and looked back at Vegeta, comprehension dawning.

"He let you claim him?" she asked.

Vegeta nodded, but he was silent. There wasn't a lot either of us could say, it wasn't a matter that could be easily explained...

Bulma's gaze lingered on Vegeta's left shoulder, taking in the corresponding mark there, before traveling back to me.

"Why? What changed?" she sounded a little sad, but also a little curious. Always the scientist, calm and collected.

"I..." I began, faltering a little; I wasn't ashamed of how in felt for my mate, but this would be my first time saying it out loud to anyone but him, "I realized... I love him."

My eyes bored into hers, refusing to back down. If she doubted my conviction, I wouldn't hesitate to defend my words.

Bulma said nothing, but I could see in her eyes conflict... and a flash of what looked like jealousy. Did she blame me for taking her one-time lover away from her? Did she think there was a chance she could win him back? I almost growled at the mere thought, but grit my teeth to silence the impulse. It wouldn't do any good to start a fight against someone who wasn't my enemy. But if she thought she could lay a finger on my mate... she was sorely mistaken.

After a moment Bulma started setting up her equipment, her eyes on her own hands and the wires and plugs she was setting up. I knew she was trying to figure out what she'd been told; it was rare for her to be stumped by anything like this, but I can't say I hadn't seen that look in her eye before.

I glanced sidelong at Vegeta, wondering how he was taking all of this. His gaze was following the blue-haired woman bustling around the room, and it was understanding somewhat. He'd seen her like this before too. The atmosphere was a little awkward, I had to admit.

"So..." Vegeta broke the silence tentatively, "Any more name suggestions, Kakarot?"

I fidgeted; it was an uncommon occurrence for me to actually fidget...

"Um... no," I muttered, "I haven't really been thinking about it."

Vegeta sighed, looking up at Bulma across the room, "Pity. They were getting so much better the more creative you got."

I tried to think of something else to say, when Bulma slammed something down on a table with a resounding bang, whipping around to glare at us both.

"Uh-oh," I whispered to my mate, "Here she goes..."

He nodded, knowing full-well that Bulma was about to start lecturing again.

"So you were gone for a month because you and Goku got back together..." she said levelly; beneath the calm facade I could hear mounting anger that could easily surface if either one of us said the wrong thing.

I nodded, a little unnerved, fighting the temptation to cover my ears as a precaution in case the woman started shrieking again. I'd never been able to stand ChiChi's shrill pitch, and Bulma's wasn't much easier to handle. It was a wonder Vegeta and I hadn't gone deaf over the years of enduring such screechy women.

Bulma looked at us for a second, "And did you...?" she made a vague gesture with her hands that I really only understood because of the carnal knowledge Roshi had unwittingly transferred to me when I was younger.

Vegeta seemed to understand it too, "Just once." he said quickly, attempting to meet my eye without success.

"So you weren't just _playing around_ the whole time?" Bulma snapped, sparks leaping from her eyes.

I'll admit I had thought about it. Spending so much unrestrained, unrestricted time around my mate, with the new connections between us so awake and alive, had definitely clued me to the possibility of just making love constantly until we dropped. I didn't want to push Vegeta though, and while I knew that he desired me just as much as I did him, I wanted him to rest for the benefit of the child.

"No." Vegeta answered the woman steadily, chuckling a little, "Saiyans have endurance, woman, but even we have limits."

Her eyes narrowed for a moment, but then she just inclined her head absently and returned to her work, plugging in the monitor next to the table on which Vegeta sat.

"Hold still," she said briskly, spreading clear gel across the prince's midsection. Vegeta grimaced, and I sensed through the bond connecting us that the sensation of the cold wet substance was as uncomfortable for him as it was disgusting.

I tried to divert the subject from his discomfort as he lay back obediently, "It's almost the four month mark, what do you suppose the baby looks like now?"

A contemplative look crossed his face, and we both turned our attention to the screen beside him as Bulma gradually swept the scanner thing across his skin.

Where before the image that had appeared had been smudgy and illegible, a little, indistinct blob as the only sign of what was going on within the prince... now it was very obvious that there was a life taking form in him; a very Saiyan life, if the thin, developing string of a tail was any indication.

Another difference from the first time I'd seen the unborn child – _my _child; as much as it was Vegeta's – was that last time I had resented it, glared upon it and bordered on hating it. Now... with my acceptance of my mate and the infant he carried, it felt very different to lay eyes on it.

Something else struck me as my eyes roved over the image, "...I was right," I murmured, pleased that my prediction of the baby being male was proven correct.

A son... I was looking at my new son... I glanced at Vegeta, and was startled to see a tear slip between his eyelashes and trace down his cheek; his gaze riveted on the flickering picture on the screen.

"Vegeta..." I said softly, "Why are you crying?"

He touched his cheek distantly, seeming to come out of a trance.

"I don't know." he responded waveringly.

I rested a hand on his shoulder gently, understanding that the complex emotions he wasn't used to feeling didn't mix well with the confused hormones that had been running rampant in his body for over three months. I couldn't seem to take my eyes off the image of the baby though, much as my thoughts remained loyally on my mate.

Eventually, though, my gaze was drawn by Bulma tapping the tip of a pen she'd been taking notes with against her lower lip with her free hand – her other occupied with the scanner she held to Vegeta's stomach. She was scrutinizing the fetus in the way I'd seen her study several projects, inventions, and labrats... things that puzzled her that she wanted to investigate further.

I glared at her, my upper lip lifting in a snarl; a strong rush of protectiveness rising in my chest. It took me a moment to notice Vegeta snarling subtly as well.

"E-everything seems about as normal as it can be, given the circumstances," Bulma stammered, looking unnerved to be faced with two nearly identical pairs of smoldering black eyes and bared teeth. I almost smirked... _Serves her right for daring to look at my son like something to be dissected. _

X

I guided Vegeta into my bedroom, shutting the door behind us and locking it behind my back. I felt hot with irritation I couldn't explain, and the monster had roused from its sleep and was whispering things again, most of which I tried to ignore.

Panting in an attempt to cool my body down, I shoved my mate against the wall and assaulted his mouth, drowning out the nagging of the monster with his addicting taste and scent.

At the first available breath, Vegeta broke away briefly, "What's the occasion?" he murmured against my neck, eliciting a shiver that strangely only heated my blood more.

A rolling growl escaped my throat and I kissed him again, "Do I need a reason?"

Well... there was a reason. Beneath the monster, there was a trigger that had caused the anger thrumming in my veins. Bulma's behavior today had raised my hackles as well as the possessive impulses I had a hard time reining in. Vegeta was an outlet, and reinstating my claim on him seemed to quell some of the bubbling ire beneath my skin.

Where before I had been gentle and careful, now I ached with the need to dominate; and my teeth raked across the prince's lower lip until I drew blood, my tongue flicking out to lick the beads of sweet red copper away.

I felt the exact moment when Vegeta surrendered, nearly collapsing as his knees shook. I devoured his mouth hungrily, plunging into the depths with my tongue; one hand slipping under his loose shirt, smoothing over the curve of his belly before rolling one of his nipples between forefinger and thumb, relishing the breathless gasp against my lips. My free hand caressed beneath his muscular thigh, squeezing one perfect ass cheek. I brushed against him, leaning closer and drenching him with my scent so that the whole world would know he belonged to no one but me.

"Kakarot, maybe we should -" Vegeta began unsteadily, glancing over his shoulder at the wall he was pressed against. I could tell it was weakening as well; there were some things a wall just couldn't take, and the pressure of a pair of horny Saiyans leaning against it was probably asking for it to come crumbling down.

I nodded in response to Vegeta's suggestion, unable to give a verbal reply. I was breathing hard, sweating, and I forced myself to back away from the wall, drawing my mate with me, until I felt something solid hit my lower calves. Assuming I'd bumped into the bed on the other end of the room, I turned and threw Vegeta down on the mattress, vaporizing my confining clothes with a surge of ki licking over my skin. I knew I had ascended from the heat and power, but I didn't bother to hold the transformation in check, letting the more wild, primal urges swamp over me.

I dropped onto the bed on all fours, gripping Vegeta's wrists and holding him down, knowing he wouldn't try to escape or anything anyway. My lips locked with his again, and I licked slowly down the side of his neck.

"_Mine,_" I growled softly, "You belong to me."

Vegeta was not a prisoner or a possession, but he was my own in every other sense the word conveyed. Mine to protect, mine to care for... and mine to enjoy.

I removed the prince's clothing quickly, though not destroying it like I had done to my own. This was my house, and he didn't have any clothes of his own here. I would have been all too happy to let him borrow some of mine, but I doubted they would fit.

One thing I knew was that I didn't want to hurt Vegeta. Every inch of my body ached and burned, but I forced myself to hold back, shaking from the effort; enveloping my mate's mouth with my own again. I needed to be near him, with him, in him, as soon as possible; but I wanted him to want it from me, I wanted him to feel safe.

_I need you... I want you, I love you... And I promise... you're safe. You'll always be safe with me..._

My lips and tongue traveled down his chest slowly, tasting sweat and flame and tracing pale old scars. After a moment I looked up, meeting his eye hesitantly.

He leaned up and touched his lips to my eyelid gently, "I trust you," he murmured, lingering on my eyebrow for a moment with the barest brush of teeth.

A ragged burst of air escaped my lungs, and I kissed him deeply, my fingers skimming through the sweat that had gathered on his chest. I lubricated myself with this, and eased into my prince slowly, hearing the drawn-out groan that fell from his lips.

I waited a moment, savoring the anticipation and overwhelming contact.

"I love you," I whispered, driving into him once, twice, "I love you, I love you, I love you..."

I couldn't promise it enough times, with enough feeling, for the words to carry the weight of the what I felt. With each thrust I repeated the pledge, bracing against the bed as I trembled from the sensory overload. And with each thrust Vegeta raised his hips to meet me, arching his back and moaning, unfiltered, intense bliss and love meshing from him through the bond between us.

I pressed my lips lightly to the cracked scar of the mark on his shoulder, and a low, shuddering sound escaped him. I looked at him, meeting his half-lidded gaze uncertainly, seeking approval. Without hesitation, he nodded twice, gasping for breath as his eyes fluttered closed.

A purr rumbled from my chest and I reopened the mark, my canines sliding beneath the scarred flesh to clench in solid muscle. Warm, rich blood gushed into my mouth, and I echoed Vegeta's groan of appreciation, sucking strongly as my pace increased, thrusting into my mate as the vow I'd been speaking repeated in my mind; _I love you... I love you..._

Vegeta's breath hitched, "Gods," he gasped, squeezing his eyes shut tight. I faltered, surprised at the sudden flood of ecstasy I could feel transferring from him to me.

"Again," he ordered fervently, his voice wavering a little; he wrapped his arms around my neck to pull me closer, "Do that again!"

I grunted a response and sank into him again, aiming for the same general area. Immediately Vegeta choked, and threw his head back; shouting something that could have been my name as he climaxed. I followed him a second behind, pulling my teeth out of his mark as I groaned my orgasm between my teeth, releasing into his depths. My energy shot through the roof for that brief moment, and then crashed as I let go of my ascended form, collapsing over my mate.

"W-what was _that?_" Vegeta panted, his eyes still glazed from the raw pleasure a moment ago.

I assumed he meant what had happened before he came. I recognized the reaction he'd exhibited, the change of pitch in his cries and the catch of his breath... and I also recognized the general location of the spot that had caused that delicious reaction.

A shaky laugh escaped me, "I think... it's called... a G-spot."

Roshi was to thank for my knowledge of the name, and ChiChi was to thank for my knowledge of the location. I never thought I'd receive such a response from Vegeta, though.

"Why haven't I h-heard of it before?" the prince stammered.

I looked at him for a moment, amused; …._he honestly doesn't know..._

"Because it's usually only found in _women._"

TBC


End file.
